(Fuck a body-cavity search. Props to TMZ.)
More details about War "Jon Koppenhaver" Machine's weekend arrest, from everybody's favorite online gossip rag that occasionally covers UFC fighters, TMZ:
With a name like War Machine, what do you expect to happen?
Former "Ultimate Fighter" badass Jon Koppenhaver, who goes by the aforementioned MMA nickname, was picked up by Las Vegas PD for misdemeanor battery Saturday morning after allegedly getting into a tussle at
Krave Nightclub — a place described by one of their reps as "gay ... but very straight-friendly."
Cops tell TMZ security at Krave was escorting War Machine out of the club after a little brouhaha — when he allegedly turned on security and starting punching them. Security made a citizens arrest until Las Vegas PD could show up.
Perhaps the club was a little too straight-friendly. (Or not friendly enough?) Who knows. What you should really be concerned about is the fact that he had access to a computer the day after his arrest. After the jump, Machine turns to his trusty blog — perhaps the only constant in his life — to give us a little insight on what might have set him off in the first place.
From War Machine's private MySpace page via AroundTheOctagon.com:
Last night an hour or so into going out I attempted to take a picture with a friend. The person that was taking it kept saying, “Do another one it’s blurry” this happened 4 times. Finally I was like “wtf, lemme see” Each picture was the same. The ENTIRE photo was crystal clear except my face was completely blurred. I mean you could see my neck, my shoulders, the background and he was perfect but yet in EVERY pic my face was totally blurred. It was like some shit out of a horror movie…it gave me a really eerie feeling….I thought I might die that night or something. I should have followed my gut and went home, but I didn’t. So anyway long story short I had a fucking HORRIBLE night. Really, it was beyond horrible. I’m not going to get into details but looking back on the entire night it makes the whole photo thing seem that much weirder. I dunno what it could have been….I almost think it was a ghost, most likely my father, that was sending me a sign. Sounds funny but I’m serious.
What else could explain all four of those pics?
WM
If his father actually was trying to send War a sign, it was probably something along the lines of "Don't accept drinks from tall women with big hands." Anyway, we'll let you know when War Machine has to face a judge for his latest fiasco. As we mentioned before, he's already on probation for this little misunderstanding, so an extended stay behind bars seems very likely.
Tangentially related: Have you guys heard this shit about Chris Brown beating the crap out of Rihanna? Apparently the singer/dancer/worthless coward gave her a couple of Brandon Wolff-style hematomas, among other gruesome injuries. As TMZ reports:
One of the law enforcement people put it this way -- the contusions "look like an MMA fighter or something ... [It] looked like she was growing devil's horns."
DIGG THIS
Comments
Kevin Says:
First...what was he thinking?
Kevin Says:
wait...he doesnt think...that is why he is WAR MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!
mayhem420 Says:
He was busted at a Gay club? Hahahahaha!!!!
Thats just awesome! I just keep thinging of the Blue Oyster from Police Acadamy.
Dana White is a HOMO Says:
I know WAR was gay... All of that anger and denial have been building up! This explains a lot! What does War Machine and horses have in common??? HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
mayhem420 Says:
OH and Chris Brown is a jackass... dude that chick is fine!
Guess he can also say good by to his career!
Mumbles Says:
its a sad sad day when security guards can detain a proffesional MMA fighter. i guess hes getting dropped left n right, maybe hes just a dumbass w tatoos and a nickname
Fedor a million ankles Says:
Pics or it didn't happen.
Little Dan Says:
Perhaps his father was telling him to get the hell out of the gay club!
beforeskin Says:
first bobby, now chris.
u can't trust those damn brown boys.
TUF Guy Says:
Chris Brown probably hurt his hand punching that forehead of Rhianna. You could watch a drive-in movie on that thing.
CanProduce Says:
Hey prison mates...see the tattoos? They mean I am tough and that I stick to my morals. My prison number #021345 is crap. I will be changing it to 666. Just so you know I am also gay and will be picking a bitch pronto. I am tough, I am inked and I like buttsecks. Any questions? Ok you, the black gut in the back row....am I racist? No I hate Obama and i'm an anarchist. Any other questions...yup, ok the snowman in the back...Oh hey Jeff!...am I really an anarhist? Duh, do you see this grenade on my neck?...DO YOU SEE THIS GRENADE ON MY NECK? Ok no more stupid questions. Anyone wanna trade a potato for some carrot sticks?
emptyhandkiller Says:
Direct Order---- LEAVE WAR MACHINE ALONE!!! War was just going to that gay bar to clean out all the "slack jawed faggots" in there, just like Blaine would do in "Predator"! Too bad he tripped over some guys painted toenail and the scrawny flamer bouncer got him in a sleeper hold. Don't worry, War, go to jail, do your time, get your anus attacked, and then go back there for REVENGE!
TUF Guy's Dad Says:
Dammit son, I thought I told you not to hang out at that Krave place with War Machine.
Jay Says:
Dear War Machine,
Your life is a waste, please take this razor and go have a nice warm bath. Please.
NeW jErSeY-nEw JeRsEy Says:
War Machine needs his own show on VH1...sort of like Danny Bonaduci. Not for nothing, but his antics (as silly as they are) are pretty damn funny to those sitting back and watching the old telly for some entertainment.
Fedor a million ankles Says:
lmfao @ canproduce.
Sodak Says:
Hope brown ends up in State penn pound me in the ass prison, i'm sure rich wife beater celebrities are treated real well.
skull Says:
That's it guys, keep on making fun of War. If the truth be known, War was cleaning house in that gay bar, until some guy fondled his meat log in the melee. War got distracted as his sausage responded and started to throb. It was only THEN that the bouncers tackled him for the cops. If that one skinny gay guy hadn't stroked him, War would have beaten the crap out of everyone there! Go WAR!!!
agentsmith Says:
To be fair, the fact that he was at a gay bar doesn't automatically mean he's gay... but come on, look at that photo.
Fuck a gay bar!
The Duke Of New York A #1 Says:
whoa whoa whoa
its one thing to poke fun at someone for being a jack ass of all trades, its another to encourage them to commit suicide
mucho's take it easy
Fedor a million ankles Says:
its the neverending stooooooorrrYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OOOOooooOOOOO OOOOOoooooOOOOO OOOOOoooooOOOOO.... the neverending stooooooorrrYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
agentsmith Says:
One time while waiting in line outside a pub, the guy behind me struck up a conversation with me... he mentioned that he'd been to one of the local gay clubs recently and that he'd gotten his ass kicked there. "Don't think they can't fight just because they're fags," he said. "They'll kick your ass just like anybody else." Wise words, sir... wise words.
PingPong Says:
Ugh, WM is now the most famous Mixed Martial Artist in America...
PingPong Says:
I hear in prison an "Upper Decker" is when someone shits in your mouth.
Crap Factory Says:
I find it amusing that bouncers from a GAY club were able to restrain War Machine.
BIG CHRIS Says:
Eat the cake Ellie May...Eat the cake!!
Fedor a million ankles Says:
Because all gay people suck at fighting? What about Jackson's camp?
Lulabelle Says:
I hate that you all pick on War Machine. I would love the chance to turn him from gay back to straight. First, I would nibble on that nub growing out of his left ear. Then, I would put a massive hickey right in the middle of his hand grenade. I bet War can ram his hips faster than a rivet gun. I think you all pick on him because you are all JEALOUS of him.
Kadumel Says:
I have a good one for you...
A friend of mine use to always tell a story of when he was in the Navy. In the Navy, he says, they were somewhere over in an english speaking area, and they thought it would be funny to jump this guy they saw at the bar. Apparently it wasn't just a normal guy, but a guy dressed up as a chick. So, the story goes, he and two of his buddies were waiting out in an alley way to jump him while friend number 3 moves in to tempt him out.
The way he put it was he was trying to request oral pleasure, and the cross-dresser gladly accepted to be the giver.
When they got into the alley, one of the Navy guys superman punched the cross-dresser in the side of the head. When the he/she hit the ground, he looked up suprised, then smiled and said "Oh you're in trouble now. Theres only thing I like more than s*ckin d*ck, and that is fightin!" and proceeded to whoop on all four of them severely. They never spoke to each other after that night about the incident.
But after he first told us the story the saying has always stuck "Hey do you want help me change my oil / whatever" "There's only one thing I like more than changing oil / whatever!"
Enjoy.
Lone Wolf Says:
What a fucking Dipshit
D-5 Says:
The story is probably untrue. War Machine states he was "with a friend", which I can't fathom. Seriously though, the bouncers probably got him in a guillotine choke and then he had more visions from his father.
Ouch! That hurts Says:
Wow Kadumel, so I guess TUFGuy really is a good fighter then!
BIG CHRIS Says:
J-Roc runs the security at that place, that is how they were able to make that citizens arrest....and if you beleive that I also know a story about 18 navy men who got beat up by a cross dresser in "an english speaking area." enjoy.
Fedor a million ankles Says:
^ EPIC BURN +2 INTERNETS SIR
Fedor a million ankles Says:
@ ouch that hurts of course...
Thoughts Says:
Bens,
2 of the last four articles are about War Machine. I repeat, 2 of the last 4 articles are about War Machine.
" Oh great another WM arty...skipped.
Clementi is gone huh. He never should have taken that fight with Gray, wait... WTF!?!
Another update on WM...GDI!"
I tell you what, I will make you guys a shirt that reads, "Remember War Machine" and you can win it by never, ever, placing another article about him on your website.
You will be the biggest hit at the MMA shows with your one of a kind Remember Classic Tee.
Now get busy putting up articles about anything but War Machine and hopefully you will win!
HF Says:
Nice picture. I guess that cauliflower ear is the result of a tragic tea-bagging accident.
Oh, and speaking of pictures. Those spooky photos aren't a sign from your father, War. That's just Evan Tanner's way of telling you that you are, and always will be, a colossal douche bag.
Fedor a million ankles Says:
I wonder how long until people realize that War Machine doesn't actually exist? He's just made up person that's part of a long running gag on CagePotato.
Fedor a million ankles Says:
@ HF
The first part of your comment was pretty lame but the 2nd half actually made me crack up. Good save.
Kimbo's a bitch Says:
WAR Machine, you can't go on political rants with a Cock in your mouth. So, you know where to put it. Don't you.
Loretta Cunt Says:
In a surprise move intended to prove his heterosexuality, War Machine calls Josh Thompson out in a naked grappling match.
Fedor a million ankles Says:
Haha, made you look!
Pale Says:
war machine and chris brown are alike: if the b*tch ain´t obeying, beat the crap out of her, only war machine tried to beat the crap out of him... hope they both will be "sh*t pushed in" a lot in county jail...
Thoughts Says:
9 posts for fedor a million....
You must have a tight grip on WM's nuts boy.
TUF Guy Says:
LOL @ all the referees that are poping up all over Cage Potato. Look at this poor little soul "Fedor" , like a little middle school girl trying to fit in HAHAHAHA what a pathetic sad little man
Thank god for people like you though, I mean who else would we send to 7-11 on hot summer days to pick up drinks while we're playing basketball.
Kadumel - "ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS" told you that story, riiight. Your homosexual tendencies, the Navy, your name... they all point to you being the guy that went into the gay club and got his ass handed to him HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
And also, please notice how many "TUF Guys Dad" are poping up, trying their shot at a free Cage Potato shirt. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
I own this site, not Ben, but ME!
If it wasn't for me, this site would be over-run by homoerotica, bukakee, and old fags telling lame ass jokes, stories or both.
Bow down idiots and pay your respect!
PS: Serb Guy never showed up at the gym :'( He had to work overtime in Taco Bell , or so I hear
Kadumel Says:
I don't think I ever said anything about a gay club. I thought I used the word bar. Hmm..
Guess TUF Guy is failing out in his reading class too.
TUF Guy honestly, I feel sorry for you. I really do wish I would have never see your Myspace, I always envisioned some roided out freak that was definitely at least bigger than me. But obviously, that isn't the case.
Hush, my son...
Celtic-Devil Says:
It's all fun and games until someone gets fucked in the ass.
And as El Guapo always Says:
Is it really a surprise that he is gay, don’t forget this is the guy that burst into tears when he won his octagon debut
armfarmer Says:
TUF Guy
Reading your posts is like being bukkaked with stupid.
TUF Guy's Dad Says:
Shut up son.