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War Machine’s Arrest: A Gay Club Visit Gone Terribly Wrong?

(Fuck a body-cavity search. Props to TMZ.)

More details about War "Jon Koppenhaver" Machine’s weekend arrest, from everybody’s favorite online gossip rag that occasionally covers UFC fighters, TMZ:

With a name like War Machine, what do you expect to happen?
Former "Ultimate Fighter" badass Jon Koppenhaver, who goes by the aforementioned MMA nickname, was picked up by Las Vegas PD for misdemeanor battery Saturday morning after allegedly getting into a tussle at Krave Nightclub — a place described by one of their reps as "gay … but very straight-friendly."
Cops tell TMZ security at Krave was escorting War Machine out of the club after a little brouhaha — when he allegedly turned on security and starting punching them. Security made a citizens arrest until Las Vegas PD could show up.

Perhaps the club was a little too straight-friendly. (Or not friendly enough?) Who knows. What you should really be concerned about is the fact that he had access to a computer the day after his arrest. After the jump, Machine turns to his trusty blog — perhaps the only constant in his life — to give us a little insight on what might have set him off in the first place.

From War Machine’s private MySpace page via

Last night an hour or so into going out I attempted to take a picture with a friend. The person that was taking it kept saying, “Do another one it’s blurry” this happened 4 times. Finally I was like “wtf, lemme see” Each picture was the same. The ENTIRE photo was crystal clear except my face was completely blurred. I mean you could see my neck, my shoulders, the background and he was perfect but yet in EVERY pic my face was totally blurred. It was like some shit out of a horror movie…it gave me a really eerie feeling….I thought I might die that night or something. I should have followed my gut and went home, but I didn’t. So anyway long story short I had a fucking HORRIBLE night. Really, it was beyond horrible. I’m not going to get into details but looking back on the entire night it makes the whole photo thing seem that much weirder. I dunno what it could have been….I almost think it was a ghost, most likely my father, that was sending me a sign. Sounds funny but I’m serious.
What else could explain all four of those pics?

If his father actually was trying to send War a sign, it was probably something along the lines of "Don’t accept drinks from tall women with big hands." Anyway, we’ll let you know when War Machine has to face a judge for his latest fiasco. As we mentioned before, he’s already on probation for this little misunderstanding, so an extended stay behind bars seems very likely.

Tangentially related: Have you guys heard this shit about Chris Brown beating the crap out of Rihanna? Apparently the singer/dancer/worthless coward gave her a couple of Brandon Wolff-style hematomas, among other gruesome injuries. As TMZ reports:

One of the law enforcement people put it this way — the contusions "look like an MMA fighter or something … [It] looked like she was growing devil’s horns."

Cagepotato Comments

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Krazy Kracker- February 11, 2009 at 9:51 pm
In further news, Rihanna has been dropped from the UFC after her latest loss, a tapout due to strikes from Chris Brown at UFC 95: Irrelevant. However, Bobby Brown had another successful title defense against Whitney Houston... urine tests pending.
UFC fan- February 11, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Tuf Gay is war machine's tiny ballsack.
Anonymous- February 11, 2009 at 12:34 pm
he would be the first pick in the 2009 death pool
stankie_cheese- February 11, 2009 at 8:14 am
What can I say, the gays must really love that fetus that was WM's left ear. It made them go into a flaming frenzy. He just had to fend for himself.
Elton John- February 10, 2009 at 7:48 pm
More like Sex Machine! conquer me alpha male!
Anonymous- February 10, 2009 at 7:33 pm
LOL @ armfarmer's comment.
That was a good one. I think responding to tuf gay is a waste of time but that was funny anyway.
Anonymous- February 10, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Fuck an Obama.
Dr.- February 10, 2009 at 4:42 pm
That's a pretty gay mugshot.
Aenarion- February 10, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Hmm, War Machine arrested at a gay club. Too bad we can't call this one "Lubrigate" now.
The Irish Car Bomb- February 10, 2009 at 1:57 pm
I totally called he was gay what a faggot
War Machine's Dad- February 10, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Son... you're going to Hell for being such a Homo...I should have guessed this when you were young and starting rolling around with older boys on the floor, that's why I made sure you ended up in jail. You needed a good anal intrusion to make you see the light. May God Bless you my son. See you in Jersey!
Zanzibarz- February 10, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Jon Koppenhaver: "Fuck a War Machine"

Prison Inmate: "Will do!"

Jon Koppenhaver: "Yay!"
Dru Down- February 10, 2009 at 11:53 am
What do you tell a female pop star with two gross hematoma on her forehead?
Anonymous- February 10, 2009 at 11:45 am
I've heard the same thing: don't start shit at a gay club. Because those guys work out a lot, and many have had to deal with trouble before. And there is nothing more embarassing than getting your ass whooped by a queen.
Anonymous- February 10, 2009 at 11:36 am
agentsmith Says:
Tue, 02/10/2009 - 11:20
In War Machine's defense, that bartender totally fucked up his cosmo.

Now he's going to have a cauliflower anus to match his ear.

agentsmith FTW!
agentsmith- February 10, 2009 at 11:20 am
In War Machine's defense, that bartender totally fucked up his cosmo.

Now he's going to have a cauliflower anus to match his ear.
Walrus- February 10, 2009 at 11:19 am
God, you can make a friggin' TV show outta that War Machine myspage quote.

Some superhero shit he's got going on.
Darkside- February 10, 2009 at 11:17 am
Fuck a judge
newotnek- February 10, 2009 at 10:56 am
and about that Chris Brown guy... My dad always told me, "Son, no matter how beautiful that gal may look, somewhere theres a man thats fed up with her bullshit."
Thanks Pop
newotnek- February 10, 2009 at 10:52 am
I guess the story about WM getting punked by some teenage girl in the parking lot was not as good as the truth. Damn, damn, damn.....
Contraband- February 10, 2009 at 10:51 am
I think His Father jerked off in a flower pot and raised a blooming Idiot!
Pac-Man- February 10, 2009 at 10:40 am
Chris Brown is probably gonna make an apologetic album/song, but a wiser career choice would be to go Gangsta. "Cause you know C Brown don't love them Ho's, just like I punched Rihanna in her big ass nose"
Hussein's your prez- February 10, 2009 at 10:38 am
THIS is why we have to get all that faggity ground humping out of MMA.

BJJ is code for "I lie on my back with my legs spread and invite you to mount me".
Astroninja- February 10, 2009 at 10:38 am
I hear for Affliction 3 it's going to be War Machine vs. Chris Brown in a daddy-issues beat down/group cry challenge match.
TUF Guy- February 10, 2009 at 10:36 am