(Fuck a body-cavity search. Props to TMZ.)
More details about War "Jon Koppenhaver" Machine’s weekend arrest, from everybody’s favorite online gossip rag that occasionally covers UFC fighters, TMZ:
With a name like
War Machine, what do you expect to happen?
Former "Ultimate Fighter" badass Jon Koppenhaver, who goes by the aforementioned MMA nickname, was picked up by Las Vegas PD for misdemeanor battery Saturday morning after allegedly getting into a tussle at
Krave Nightclub — a place described by one of their reps as "gay … but very straight-friendly."
Cops tell TMZ security at Krave was escorting War Machine out of the club after a little brouhaha — when he allegedly turned on security and starting punching them. Security made a citizens arrest until Las Vegas PD could show up.
Perhaps the club was a little too straight-friendly. (Or not friendly enough?) Who knows. What you should really be concerned about is the fact that he had access to a computer the day after his arrest. After the jump, Machine turns to his trusty blog — perhaps the only constant in his life — to give us a little insight on what might have set him off in the first place.
From War Machine’s private MySpace page via AroundTheOctagon.com:
Last night an hour or so into going out I attempted to take a picture with a friend. The person that was taking it kept saying, “Do another one it’s blurry” this happened 4 times. Finally I was like “wtf, lemme see” Each picture was the same. The ENTIRE photo was crystal clear except my face was completely blurred. I mean you could see my neck, my shoulders, the background and he was perfect but yet in EVERY pic my face was totally blurred. It was like some shit out of a horror movie…it gave me a really eerie feeling….I thought I might die that night or something. I should have followed my gut and went home, but I didn’t. So anyway long story short I had a fucking HORRIBLE night. Really, it was beyond horrible. I’m not going to get into details but looking back on the entire night it makes the whole photo thing seem that much weirder. I dunno what it could have been….I almost think it was a ghost, most likely my father, that was sending me a sign. Sounds funny but I’m serious.
What else could explain all four of those pics?
WM
If his father actually was trying to send War a sign, it was probably something along the lines of "Don’t accept drinks from tall women with big hands." Anyway, we’ll let you know when War Machine has to face a judge for his latest fiasco. As we mentioned before, he’s already on probation for this little misunderstanding, so an extended stay behind bars seems very likely.
Tangentially related: Have you guys heard this shit about Chris Brown beating the crap out of Rihanna? Apparently the singer/dancer/worthless coward gave her a couple of Brandon Wolff-style hematomas, among other gruesome injuries. As TMZ reports:
One of the law enforcement people put it this way — the contusions "look like an MMA fighter or something … [It] looked like she was growing devil’s horns."
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commentsThat was a good one. I think responding to tuf gay is a waste of time but that was funny anyway.
Prison Inmate: "Will do!"
Jon Koppenhaver: "Yay!"
Tue, 02/10/2009 - 11:20
In War Machine's defense, that bartender totally fucked up his cosmo.
Now he's going to have a cauliflower anus to match his ear.
agentsmith FTW!
Now he's going to have a cauliflower anus to match his ear.
Some superhero shit he's got going on.
Thanks Pop
BJJ is code for "I lie on my back with my legs spread and invite you to mount me".
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