Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

War Machine’s Big House Blog # 41: Steroids Are Safe, Bin Laden’s Alive and the Yakuza are Causing Natural Disasters in Asia

(Little known fact: War’s mother’s name is Game Machine.)

War Machine‘s latest big house blog is up and according to the incarcerated fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver, pretty much everything we think we know is a lie.

The TUF 6 vet is gearing up for his final few months behind bars in county jail, and as such, has brushing up on his current events in the news. According to the beleaguered fighter, everything that he’s read lately, from Barry Bonds’ steroid trial to Bin Laden’s alleged death  is carefully propagated government bullshit.

Check out the latest instalment of Deep Thoughts with War Machine below.


May 2nd, 2011

A fucking BLOODY LIP is NOT “great bodily injury.” I can’t believe I plead guilty to a FELONY “battery with G.B.I.” and that now I’m a “convicted felon,” over that! EVERY guy I’ve met in here that took G.B.I. to trial, where the victim didn’t have broken bones or stitches, won! Why? Because what makes battery (misd.) a felony G.B.I. is broken bones or stitches!! I really got fucked because I was scared to go to trial and risk the possibility of multiple years IF I was found guilty. Not to mention that the DA threatened to charge my best friend also, if I went to trial. Fuck the time, I hate the fact that I’ll be on “formal probation” when I’m out. Hate the fact some loser, who FAILED at life, will be in charge of me and able to harass me. NO ONE says “I want to be a probation office when I grow up.” He wanted to be a cop, or something else prestigious, but he FAILED and is now an angry/vindictive babysitter of grown men.

ANYWAY! How about that Bonds perjury trial? How many millions did the gov. waste trying to bust him for the “awful crime” of lying about his steroid use? And failed!! LMAO! Dumb fucks! The prosecutors should be brought up on charges for wasting tax payers money! Pro athletes do steroids! 70% +! Proof? Look at a sport where a lot of the body is exposed – BASKETBALL. Look at the athletes muscular development in the 70′s and 80′s, now look at the avg. b-ball player’s muscle now, most are pretty jacked. Why?? Nevermind athletics, look at actors. Take a look at Will Smith’s body in “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” now look at him in “Legend.” How is it that as a young man, he was puny, and now, aging, he’s young in the face and ripped! How? Same goes for Stallone, LL Cool J, Brad Pitt, and the list goes on and on. Answer: “Testosterone therapy” (steroids) and growth hormones. And the shit isn’t dangerous either. The anti-steroid campaign is as bogus as the anti-marijuana campaign. Marijuana is illegal for one reason, hemp vs. cotton. Hemp is better, cotton is “old money,” and old money controls votes and politics = weed banned = hemp banned! Steroids gave Russian athletes huge advantages due to their understanding of them. During Cold War, that was no bueno! Solution = ban steroids “because they are dangerous.” Truth be told, no in-depth study EVER suggested steroids are dangerous, especially when used moderately. Proof = bodybuilders: they are not dropping dead in record #’s yet they ABUSE the hell out of steroids. Why? Not fucking dangerous! Rebuttal: What about Lyle Alzado? He died from a brain tumor, so have MILLIONS of other humans, how can you say growth hormones/steroids were the cause? Mere speculation and B.S. Yeah, but Arnold had to get bypass surgery on his heart from steroids. LMAO! How many other men have had the same procedure!? My father died at 39 from a heart attack and never used steroids. Arnold’s a joke of an example! Yeah but Chris Benoit killed his whole family cuz of “roid rage.” Really? Was he not also an alcoholic/addicted to oxycontin? But they had no influence on his behavior, it was the steroids right? B.S. Alcoholics and drug addicts commit horrible violent crime ALL THE TIME! Shit, some people do it sober! How can you blame the steroids! It’s all bullshit! ANYWAY, enough of my rage on B.S. government policy and “witch hunts.”

So… I’ve been working on some new workout concepts I read about in this book “The Naked Warrior.” I’m gonna give it a whirl for 2 weeks and if it doesn’t hurt my pull-up progress, I’ll continue. I hope it helps, I hope it isn’t another B.S. gimmick. Another new thing I have been doing is wearing my shirt as pants… lol It’s comfy! I got it from Jr. Seau’s brother, he used to do it at the other jail. You know Samoans wear lava lavas? So it’s kinda the same, a jail lava lava! When I go home I’m gonna buy some lava lavas to rock around the house!

Alright, so yesterday the U.S. SUPPOSEDLY killed Bin Laden. Interesting that they “buried him at sea” some 6 hours later… WTF!? Real interesting too that the DNA results came back positive in, what, 12 hrs.!? Even more interesting that the timing couldn’t have been better for Mr. Obama and the government… just a week ago he FINALLY released a copy of his birth certificate to the public after like 4 years of certain people’s hounding. Why out of the blue, did he choose then to FINALLY release it? And what better diversion for the people who suspect it to be falsified than the death of Bin Laden? Something stinks! I don’t doubt they got Bin Laden, but I do doubt they killed him. YET. There is no reason to have #1, taken the dead body #2, dumped it in the sea! And so soon? The U.S. has a precedent with the Husseins to NOT do this. Much more likely they kidnapped him and are now torturing him to get information/revenge. BTW, I don’t mind torture, I’m just making sense out of WHY they CLAIM, to have dumped his body in the ocean. I guarantee it didn’t happen as claimed. I also bet a million bucks the President chose last week to release his birth certificate, KNOWING the U.S. was gonna hit Bin Laden yesterday, to steal attention from the fact that it was a FAKE.

Weird shit is going on out there people, we don’t know shit! I just read a book “Forbidden Science” and WOW! Read it, you’ll be in disbelief! Fucking weather control weapons, developed in Cold War days, as well as PSY weapons, fucking NUTS! Unbelievable really, except that the U.N. mentions the acceptable and unacceptable use of said devices and it’s U.N. Treaties!! WTF!? Why don’t we know about this!? Lastly, it said that when the Soviet Union collapsed such weather machines were sold off. Mention is made of a sale to the Japanese Yakuza. After the recent disasters with Hurricane Katrina and tsunami/quake in Japan, you have to wonder? Maybe stock market trading, timed with devastating “natural disasters,” where a few know they’re gonna make big $$$? Possibilities = endless. Get the book and trip out on it like I am.

Jon Koppenhaver 10754342

Cagepotato Comments

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lolatyou- May 10, 2011 at 3:11 pm
masvidal had it first
Horror Fighter- May 10, 2011 at 11:42 am
I *knew* the Yakuza was behind Katrina. Isn't it enough you destroyed PRIDE, you tattooed monsters?
Lesnars_tiny_pecker_says- May 10, 2011 at 10:01 am
Oh yea this guys as crazy as a rat in a tin shit house. as my Daddy used to say about me, "The best part of that boy ran down the crack of his Mommas ass and made brown stain on the sheets". the problem is, there are a lot of mental retards like him out in the world and some vote and others run for office.
Lesnars_tiny_pecker_says- May 10, 2011 at 9:57 am
fuck you and your bread/pasta/sewing machine. I have a machine that makes or does all's called "Wife". Get one if you don't have one. the only thing is they are expensive to purchase and the upkeep is astronomical.
Misfit29er- May 10, 2011 at 9:49 am
God I wish I could spell! haha dammit why isn't there an edit button?! lol
Misfit29er- May 10, 2011 at 9:29 am
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck...what with all the spamming? Are all the sewing maching comments a ploy to get rid of all the women of the Potato know...try and lure us away with promises of fancy new sewing machines and pasta makers?! Nice try BG, but I'm not going anywhere!! haha :-)
BONGTAR- May 10, 2011 at 9:20 am
I saw the amount of comments posted and thought it would be a fun read....... NOPE!! fucking spam is rediculous
Fedor Penn- May 10, 2011 at 8:59 am
He is right about steroids and Bonds.
Chief_NsH- May 10, 2011 at 8:51 am
War Machine may be a crazy shit, but he's no fool. I agree with him on many topics, especially the steroid passage in this article. Regarding the US government, who knows what the fuck is really going on, they've been ramming lies up our asses for years. The ones who trust them are the ones who are running this country to shit.
Mofo- May 10, 2011 at 8:13 am
Wow. This page is getting spammed with "sewing machine" because this page is about "war machine".
Fried Taco- May 10, 2011 at 8:03 am
Does anybody know where I can get a sewing machine? I have a new business idea, MMA lava lavas!!
lyle6942- May 10, 2011 at 6:58 am
since WarMachine hit the big house I've fallen in love with his blog. Some really entertaining posts - and this is the best one yet!!!
DARKHORSE06- May 10, 2011 at 6:58 am
@Sewing Machine New - Please Fuck Off And DIE!!!!!
flyingogoplata- May 10, 2011 at 6:10 am
Dear CagePotato,

Please immediately fix the spam problem with the comments or provide me with a low-carb-bread-making-sewing-machine...that's what they're selling right?
LOKI- May 10, 2011 at 5:42 am
Hes right about everything except the fact that Bin Laden died in spring of 2002 in a private hospital in Yemen from a lung infection due to advanced stage renal desiese.
Joe Rogan needs to pull some strings and get this gut live via satalite on the Alex Jones Radio Show.
DARKHORSE06- May 10, 2011 at 3:29 am
This guy is a fucking retard BUT I agree with everything he said about steroids.
SuckMySkyWalker- May 10, 2011 at 1:57 am
Listen here you dip shit meat bags...WAR machine is absolutely dead on on most points. Get your heads examined. 911 was an inside job. Im out...sowce bowce epic meat log ... i repeat 911 was an inside job you fkn sheep
Gorgzilla- May 10, 2011 at 12:43 am
This new comments system sure was a great improvement!
Harms- May 9, 2011 at 8:56 pm
I'm glad I read these comments. I've been needing a bread and sewing machine.
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Reverend_Clint- May 9, 2011 at 6:07 pm
his tattoo should read "Inbred"
El Guapo- May 9, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Is it possible to miss somebody you never knew existed?
If so, I'm gonna miss you Mr. PotatoFail. That was almost as entertaining as War Machine's shit bomb story.
mburtoni- May 9, 2011 at 5:53 pm
@ danomite
Your 96 year old uncle Melvin suddenly started smoking 3 packs a day and pounding a fifth of bourbon every day 20 years ago, at the ripe old age of 76?
SouthSideEssay- May 9, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Why you steamin bro?