("Screw you, society. Jail ain’t so bad after all.")
Considering I also picked Chael Sonnen to win Saturday night, I got an eerily similar empty feeling when I read War Machine’s latest "Big House Blog" and learned that my proclamation that he wouldn’t get through three weeks without getting into some kind of tomfoolery didn’t come to fruition.
I thought for sure that alcohol+War Machine = spitbag and handcuffs, but apparently the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver has matured behind bars and instead of scrapping anyone and everyone after consuming his IQ in Jagerbombs, he has taken to sipping his toilet wine while engaging in stimulating conversation with murderous Somalian Muslims.
Who knew jail would have such a good influence on War?
Here’s the wacky tale of War Machine’s third week in jail:
"First off I wanna thank all of you that have been writing to me. I have been getting mail from as far away as Russia and Australia! It’s neat to know my career has brought attention to me from so far away.
I had my first scare this week. I was laying in my bunk when a neighbors "fishing line" hit my door and got stuck beneath it. I got up to free it (half tube toothpaste attached to string), and it broke, leaving it with me. When I looked into the tube it was filled with what I’m pretty sure was drugs. The lights were dim and I just assumed my initial presumption was correct. I kinda panicked and just kept picturing guards coming into my cell and busting me. I wondered how many extra years I’d get… Anyway, I hid it in my trash and waited ’til breakfast with crossed fingers. As soon as our doors "popped" in the AM, I went to the inmate whom the line belonged to and told him "It’s in my trash, go grab it." He said, "It’s cool, I have more." I told him that I didn’t wanna get busted and I don’t do drugs anyway, and he started laughing. I guess they use crumbled soap bars to weigh down the tubes of toothpaste… LOL! Fuckin scared the shit outta me for NO REASON!!
What else… Oh shit. I tried some prund! Basically jail moonshine, they make it from fermented fruit, sugar, and water. It takes like 5 days and tastes like some fucked up wine but hey =)
I had a very good conversation with a Somalia born Muslim named "50." I think he’s a "blood" anyway, he just got sentenced to life for some murders he was accused of. Anyway, he’s actually a very intelligent guy. Real nice too. I feel bad for this guy, real bad. I get to meet the man and see the pictures of his children. He’s a human, not a monster. He was telling me how the media portrayed his case and utilized our nations preconceived notions and prejudice to convict him instead of the facts. They painted him as a "Somalian" and a "Muslim" even though his family immigrated here to escape all that and are proud American citizens now. Thinking on it, he’s right. I myself would judge him on it, I know my SEAL friends would too. Shit, I think just a few months ago I tweeted something about how I hated "nasty Muslims." I never even had a clue as to what they believe until he explained it to me. It really opened my eyes. I think all Americans born and raised here are just as brain washed as me and my friends. We all need to question what we hear in the media and what our government tries to program us with. We need to stay open minded.
New Subject… Still smooth sailing in regards to trouble. I think being a pro fighter/athlete is really turning out to be a plus in here. The guards are courteous to me and I get a lot of respect from inmates. They all really would rather just ask me shit and everyone keeps saying they’re gonna go to Undisputed when they get out and I hope they do. We can always need more members and these guys could use a positive hobby. Oh shit, and I almost forgot..
We got some weird old Mexican dude here and he says he’s an Army Ranger Sergeant out of Texas who was sent to CA to investigate the police here and their involvement in the 911 Terrorist Attack and when he tried to arrest a cop, the other cops jumped him and put him here… Too bad he’s like 55, fat, and looks like Mr. Magoo!! HAHA!! Crazy fucker! I think he’s just scared here so he made that story up to sound bad ass… Anyway, just thought I’d share that funny tid bit."
Editor’s note: I take it WM isn’t concerned that any of the jail officials might read his blog and find out about any of the inner-workings of their prison…