So did you guys do anything crazy this weekend? Like, maybe beat the shit out of half the guest-list at a porn star’s birthday party? No? Well, you’ll never believe this, but that’s exactly what MMA tabloid hero War Machine did on Saturday night. Multiple reports are coming in, so we’ll try to piece this together from what we have…

— On Saturday night, Machine heads out to a b-day party for adult film actress Brooke Haven, held at a porn studio in Van Nuys. He appears to be in good spirits, though he was reportedly pissed off that his agent, Derek Hay (aka “Ben English”), wasn’t getting him enough work.

— Things quickly turn south when War allegedly punches his girlfriend, Alanah Rae, then drags her outside. This part of the story is hazy because although Terez Owens reports that Rae personally confirmed with him that War Machine decked her, she later went on Twitter to deny it. Still, there seems to be no difference in opinion over what happened next…

— When several of the male party guests confront War Machine about the alleged girlfriend-beating, he freaks out and starts throwing knuckles. Adultfyi.com passes along one eye-witness account:

— Derek Hay is recovering in the hospital. It appears that War Machine has already turned himself in, but he could face a long prison sentence for the assaults — especially when you consider that the dude has priors — and it’s very likely that the 50-60 porn industry figures at the party will never want to work with him again. More to come…