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This Is the Way the World Ends: Tank Abbott vs. Butterbean to Headline ‘Alabama Pride’ in December

Tank Abbott MMA
(Too old for this shit vs. Too fat for this shit.)

It was the fight that needed to happen. Well, maybe needed is too strong a word, but vodka bottles and turkey legs don’t grow on trees, and it’s either this or substitute teaching. That’s right, freak-fight-fans: UFC pioneer Tank Abbott (10-14) and beach-ball-shaped knockout artist Eric "Butterbean" Esch (13-7-1 MMA, 77-7-4 boxing) will be getting it on at a Thunder Promotions MMA event called "Alabama Pride," which will go down December 12th at the BJCC Arena in Birmingham. Amazingly, both men are coming off wins. Abbott snapped a four-fight losing streak in February with his KO via rabbit punches of Mike Bourke. Butterbean last competed ten days ago, defeating Tom Howard by RNC in a fight that looked like it might have been a work; either that, or Tom Howard really is a belly-flopping pussy (no offense).

Now, Butterbean and Tank will finally get to see who has the better haymakers. But don’t be surprised if Bean tools Tank on the ground; he’s honed his grappling at American Top Team, and his last four wins have come by submission. "Alabama Pride" also promises a celebrity fight between rapper DMX and Eric Martinez, who’s so famous that Wikipedia has never heard of him. If anybody can shed some light, please do so in the comments section.

After the jump: The event poster, and why Tank vs. Bean probably won’t be decided by leg kicks.

Butterbean Tank Abbott DMX MMA Alabama Pride

Tank Abbott gnarly kick

Butterbean Patrick Smith Yamma leg kick

Cagepotato Comments

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just some dong- September 29, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Gold, El Famous. Solid gold!
Bloodlust- September 29, 2009 at 8:28 pm
The Butterbean v Tank matchup has so much freak so appeal I can't believe it's not happening in the city of Japan. DMX vs a member of his management team? yeah, that sounds like its gonna be legit. Couldnt they have at least got a member of the Wu Tang Clan to fight him. I'd love to see the Rza flying armbar his ass. Protons Electrons Always Cause Explosions.
Crap Factory- September 29, 2009 at 8:19 pm
I don't give a shit what anyone says about him, Abbott is a legend in this sport. I can't see why he doesn't get the respect he deserves. Hell, the UFC wouldn't have half the power it does today if it wasn't for what he did in the beginning.

Abbott beats Butterbean in the first with a tub of KFC. (Ref calls the fight due to spontaneous eating)
Bovice- September 29, 2009 at 6:47 pm
What the fuck? Is DMX going to get a bag of crack if he wins?
Viva Hate- September 29, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Sorry you got sand in your vagina, oh well get over it. Don't like what I post, oh well, not going to stop me.
mybongsnameisgreenmeenie- September 29, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Juggalos piss me off. with their little hatchet guy tattoos and car stickers
MyFightWiffaCheeto- September 29, 2009 at 4:23 pm
"El Famous Burrito Says:
Tue, 09/29/2009 - 16:38
"Rational slurs?"

Hey! Man-of-African-Descent! Your album sales were less than projected!

Ribs are quite popular in your community, but only in certain demographics!

According to statistics, it's unlikely you graduated from high school!"

Thank you to El Famous Burrito for being one of the few reasons I sometimes read the comments here. Also, Thank you to El Famous Burrito for making fun of Viva Hate, also known as post whore or one of the newest reasons I don't read the comments here.
bpd- September 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I'm shocked that this fight was not at the recent Gathering of the Juggalos.
Koeikan- September 29, 2009 at 3:40 pm
LOL @ their kicks.
Viva Hate- September 29, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Well, shoot me for not knowing much about Birmingham, guess I need to this fight and take in some of Alabama while I am at it that weekend.
itsgalf- September 29, 2009 at 2:50 pm
hahaha I was just about to pick up on that
TfTransplant- September 29, 2009 at 2:40 pm
El Famous Burrito, you sir deserve a shirt or two for that great comment.
Clyde- September 29, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Very nice EFB. To be fair though, I loved DMX's first 4 albums. Went to shit after that though. And you can't really excuse the fact that he was in a film with Seven Segal and still looked like a terrible actor by comparison.

Back to the Bean/Howard fight; I'd be more worried if that fight wasn't a fix. The announcer's talking about "the mat is wet and slippery". Was it baby oil wrestling? Those guys don't look like any strippers I've ever seen. How the fuck can you run a fight promotion with a fight surface that's too slippery to stand on. Although it seems to work for ice hockey.
Subo- September 29, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I'm nominating Zmuda for comment of the year.
Soda Popinski- September 29, 2009 at 1:41 pm

Viva Hate Says:
Tue, 09/29/2009 - 14:38

"Also, is DMX safe in Alabama, its not exactially a beacon of racial acceptance."

The Mayor of Birmingham is Larry Langford. A black man. Just saying.

"Well, looks like once again I will do something I said Id never do, I have to go to Alabama to see this fight. Does anyone know a nice place to stay in Alabama? That just looks weird."

I live about 10 minutes from where this is taking place near downtown birmingham. Birmingham isnt that bad of a place. The outskirts can get rough as can any city. But the downtown area is actually pleasant and upscale. You should be fine finding a descent place to stay.

See ya there.
El Famous Burrito- September 29, 2009 at 1:38 pm
"Rational slurs?"

Hey! Man-of-African-Descent! Your album sales were less than projected!

Ribs are quite popular in your community, but only in certain demographics!

According to statistics, it's unlikely you graduated from high school!

DefinitelyMaybe- September 29, 2009 at 1:33 pm
It may be my old-man eye-site playing tricks on me, but each time I read this I keep seeing "Thunder-Bottom Promotions Presents"...

Either that, or or CP is sending me subliminal truth-in-advertising messages.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy my Slap-Chop. You see, I have to call in the next 20 minutes, because they can't do this all day.
MediumRare- September 29, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Butterbean looks like an obese toddler trying to throw that leg kick
Viva Hate- September 29, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I love your idea bout the rib eating, I would take DMX, the smaller guys always win the eating contests, the big guys are just excited about the free food.

Eating Contest Would go down like this
DMX- 34 ribs in 5 minutes
Martinez- 10 ribs in 5 minutes
Tank- 5 ribs and 15 beers in 5 minutes
Butterbean-dead of a heart attack from the excitement of free ribs.
GSP for Prime Minister- September 29, 2009 at 1:19 pm
*doo doo doo* STOP... *doo doo doo* DROP... *doo doo doo* SHUT EM DOWN OPEN UP SHOP!!!! *doo doo doo* OHHH... *doo doo doo* NO... *doo doo doo* THATS HOW RUFF RYDERS ROLLLL!!!
DeepHalf- September 29, 2009 at 1:15 pm
For those of you who didn't know, Birmingham is probably just as black as Detroit and Atlanta as lots of cotton plantations were there back in the day.

After the Tank/Butterbean fight, I think they should have all 4 of those headliners (DMX included) have a rib eating contest or something.
Barc- September 29, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Poor Tom Howard. It wasn't the choke that did it. It was the Butterbean Belly Flop seconds before. R.I.P. Tom. You went out like a bellyflopping pussy... There's a mental image for ya. That'd be wild to see.
Viva Hate- September 29, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Since this is in Alabama and DMX will be the photo negative of a lot of people, I will set up the over/under on rational slurs at 53.4.........Any takers?

I am going with the over.
Viva Hate- September 29, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Wow tickets really range from 5 to 75,

5 bucks seems like a steal to watch two lard asses try and destroy each other and as a bonus watch DMX try to prison shank someone from his management company.
dbiggles- September 29, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Do you think butterbean will make until December ? I think I would rather bet on those odds