(Too old for this shit vs. Too fat for this shit.)
It was the fight that needed to happen. Well, maybe needed is too strong a word, but vodka bottles and turkey legs don’t grow on trees, and it’s either this or substitute teaching. That’s right, freak-fight-fans: UFC pioneer Tank Abbott (10-14) and beach-ball-shaped knockout artist Eric "Butterbean" Esch (13-7-1 MMA, 77-7-4 boxing) will be getting it on at a Thunder Promotions MMA event called "Alabama Pride," which will go down December 12th at the BJCC Arena in Birmingham. Amazingly, both men are coming off wins. Abbott snapped a four-fight losing streak in February with his KO via rabbit punches of Mike Bourke. Butterbean last competed ten days ago, defeating Tom Howard by RNC in a fight that looked like it might have been a work; either that, or Tom Howard really is a belly-flopping pussy (no offense).
Now, Butterbean and Tank will finally get to see who has the better haymakers. But don’t be surprised if Bean tools Tank on the ground; he’s honed his grappling at American Top Team, and his last four wins have come by submission. "Alabama Pride" also promises a celebrity fight between rapper DMX and Eric Martinez, who’s so famous that Wikipedia has never heard of him. If anybody can shed some light, please do so in the comments section.
After the jump: The event poster, and why Tank vs. Bean probably won’t be decided by leg kicks.
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commentsAbbott beats Butterbean in the first with a tub of KFC. (Ref calls the fight due to spontaneous eating)
Sorry you got sand in your vagina, oh well get over it. Don't like what I post, oh well, not going to stop me.
Juggalos piss me off. with their little hatchet guy tattoos and car stickers
Tue, 09/29/2009 - 16:38
"Rational slurs?"
Hey! Man-of-African-Descent! Your album sales were less than projected!
Ribs are quite popular in your community, but only in certain demographics!
According to statistics, it's unlikely you graduated from high school!"
Thank you to El Famous Burrito for being one of the few reasons I sometimes read the comments here. Also, Thank you to El Famous Burrito for making fun of Viva Hate, also known as post whore or one of the newest reasons I don't read the comments here.
Back to the Bean/Howard fight; I'd be more worried if that fight wasn't a fix. The announcer's talking about "the mat is wet and slippery". Was it baby oil wrestling? Those guys don't look like any strippers I've ever seen. How the fuck can you run a fight promotion with a fight surface that's too slippery to stand on. Although it seems to work for ice hockey.
Viva Hate Says:
Tue, 09/29/2009 - 14:38
"Also, is DMX safe in Alabama, its not exactially a beacon of racial acceptance."
The Mayor of Birmingham is Larry Langford. A black man. Just saying.
"Well, looks like once again I will do something I said Id never do, I have to go to Alabama to see this fight. Does anyone know a nice place to stay in Alabama? That just looks weird."
I live about 10 minutes from where this is taking place near downtown birmingham. Birmingham isnt that bad of a place. The outskirts can get rough as can any city. But the downtown area is actually pleasant and upscale. You should be fine finding a descent place to stay.
See ya there.
Hey! Man-of-African-Descent! Your album sales were less than projected!
Ribs are quite popular in your community, but only in certain demographics!
According to statistics, it's unlikely you graduated from high school!
Either that, or or CP is sending me subliminal truth-in-advertising messages.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy my Slap-Chop. You see, I have to call in the next 20 minutes, because they can't do this all day.
I love your idea bout the rib eating, I would take DMX, the smaller guys always win the eating contests, the big guys are just excited about the free food.
Eating Contest Would go down like this
DMX- 34 ribs in 5 minutes
Martinez- 10 ribs in 5 minutes
Tank- 5 ribs and 15 beers in 5 minutes
Butterbean-dead of a heart attack from the excitement of free ribs.
After the Tank/Butterbean fight, I think they should have all 4 of those headliners (DMX included) have a rib eating contest or something.
Since this is in Alabama and DMX will be the photo negative of a lot of people, I will set up the over/under on rational slurs at 53.4.........Any takers?
I am going with the over.
5 bucks seems like a steal to watch two lard asses try and destroy each other and as a bonus watch DMX try to prison shank someone from his management company.
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