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Weekend Quick Hits: War Machine Wins, Swick Gets an Opponent, Rahman Is Screwing With Us

(War Machine slips into a brief trance.  This is why we say no flash photography around him, people.)

- Competing at last night’s XMMA event in Montreal, the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver earned a submission victory over previously unbeaten Guillaume “El Toro” Delorenzi via rear naked choke.  When reached for the comment, the citizens of the world replied, “War Machine?  That guy who threatened the president on MySpace?  He fights?”

- Mike “Quick” Swick will face Ben Saunders at UFC 99 in Germany, according to Five Ounces of Pain.  Saunders last competed against Brandon Wolff, the fighter War Machine refused to face due to fears that he might be both good and relatively unknown, thus earning his dismissal from the UFC.  Using his height and a series of brutal knees, Saunders made quick work of Wolff at "Fight for the Troops."  Now he gets Swick in Germany.  Why not.

- After insisting that he’s been in negotiations with Strikeforce to give this MMA stuff a try, it seems as if Hasim Rahman is even more full of shit than we suspected.  Strikfeforce’s Mike Afromowitz told MMA Fanhouse there has been “no dialogue” with Rahman or his manager about a fight with Kimbo Slice, as Rahman’s manager had claimed.  Maybe by ‘talking to Strikefore’ he really meant ‘watching old Strikeforce fights on the internet?’  As for Kimbo, Afromowitz described those talks as “ongoing.” 

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metergoose- December 29, 2011 at 1:48 am
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Anonymous- March 2, 2009 at 1:43 pm
War Machine copied Junie Browning's anarchy hand tattoo? That is pathetic!
Harry Seaward- March 1, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Hmm. Let's see, He spray paints himself orange. He manscapes his eyebrows. Loves the fauxhawk haircut, Affliction style shirts, chick pants combo. Oh and drops homophobe comments at every turn. Uh, It's official. He's gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.
PurplePickle- March 1, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I mistakenly thought Afromowitz was the name for Koscheck's hairstyle. Woops.
Anthony- March 1, 2009 at 7:42 pm
So with all this Koppenhaver everyone failed to laugh at the fact that there is a dude with the last name Afromowitz walking around out there?
JiMMA- March 1, 2009 at 10:47 am
PurplePickle, that was fucking golden. BRAVO, SIR! Bravo.
Anonymous- March 1, 2009 at 2:27 am
Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of `rodeo sex`. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can `stay mounted` for.
bold- February 28, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Anonymous- February 28, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Koppenhaver (i refuse to use his gay porn name) needs to go back to the cesspool he came from. piece of shit he is.
Wyatt- February 28, 2009 at 7:23 pm
This photo was brought to the authorities' attention after Jeff Monson's girlfriend said that, in a fit of rage, he had tattooed an anarchy sign on War Machine's Fist...
Anonymous- February 28, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Gavin, you're a faggot and you such at jiu jitsu.
Anonymoose- February 28, 2009 at 6:20 pm
did anyone else notice how full and pouty war machine's lips are?
Anonymous- February 28, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Anyone else see how crooked his right eye is? damn.
DB- February 28, 2009 at 3:33 pm
In my opinion, Kimbo would be LUCKY to fight The Rock. I don't think it would even be a contest. Sure, Kimbo may have a few extra months of all-round MMA training on him, but Hasim is an athlete and knocked out Lenox Lewis (aka one of the most phenomenal fighting althetes...ever) to take the heavyweight title in boxing! With a few months of basic MMA prep for Rock it would be, as far as I'm concerned, two MMA novices, both with street credibility and brutal personal histories, but only one with real athleticism. Kimbo is an intimidating monster, but Rock is a natural athlete.

That being said, Kimbo v Rock would print money for Strikeforce.
sqoooooooze- February 28, 2009 at 2:25 pm
swick tko, 45 seconds round 1
TheArsenal- February 28, 2009 at 1:25 pm
If Saunders comes out like he did against Wolff, and swick comes out the traps like we know he can, that should be one hell of an opening round.
T Rex- February 28, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Note: The UFC lanyard his friend is wearing.
PurplePickle- February 28, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Imagine how silly we will all feel in a year from now after WarMachine crushes GSP in the first round of a title fight. The forums will be rife with regret when we find out that the Warring Machine feeds off embarassment and ridicule. It will be too late when we realise that the ex-Koppenhaver suckles at the teat of humilation. The interwebs will have engorged him until he has become a Fedor like juggernaut in the welterweight division. We shall eat crow my friends, we shall fucking eat crow.
Goog- February 28, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I was on the fence about a full back-of-the-hand reverse stencil tattoo, but seeing the way Jon War Doppleganger and Junie pull it off... I'm going to reconsider.

Maybe the kind that you stare at it for 15 seconds and then look away and you see the positive image of Dana White and Jesus smiling and holding their fists to each others' chin.
Luke- February 28, 2009 at 12:27 pm
War machine is the only mexi American that insists on goin to the tanning salon before every voyage to work wether its fighting or bouncing at queer bar!

Anonymous- February 28, 2009 at 12:24 pm
cute they have the same hair
luke- February 28, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Why do you guys intist on writing about this joker War Machine its getting to be a daily occurance are you guys that desperate for stories that you keep posting stupid shit about this imbread, or are you guys closet Koppenhaver fans? Please come up with some more original stuff like PEE PEE PEE TASTER!
Dirty D- February 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm
War Machine won his street fight the got him put on probation before the one at the gay bar by RNC, too!
Quatoof- February 28, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Fuck a tanning salon.
A Robot - February 28, 2009 at 12:03 pm
we're all tools yay