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What We Learned From Steven Seagal at UFC 135

(Don’t look into his eyes. He’ll hypnotize you like he did the Black House guys.)

Well, Steven Seagal made it out to the festivities Saturday night in Denver and it’s beginning to seem like either he’s some kind of mixed martial arts guru or he’s a senile old man who is way out of touch with reality. My bet’s on the latter.

Our friends Karyn Bryant from MMA H.E.A.T. and Ariel Helwani from MMAFighting caught up with Sensei Seagal before and after the event, respectively, and let’s just say old cockpuncher had a few yarns to spin.

Check out the videos and the bullet points of the world according to The Glimmer Man:

(Video courtesy of YouTube/MMAHeat)

Seagal counts Jones as a friend and refers to him as “Mr. Jon”

• He claimed that he was going to have some words of advice for Jones in his dressing room prior to the bout, but according to Jones at the post-fight presser, he turned down the offer

• He refers to Lyoto Machida and Anderson Silva as his “people” and his “sons” and “children”

• He said that Jones might use the front kick he taught Anderson and Lyoto, but later said he didn’t do it right because he hasn’t learned the deadly move yet

• He predicted that the fight would be decided on the ground by Jones by elbows

• He says Anderson wants to be a cop when he retires and that he may do so with him in Arizona

(Video courtesy of YouTube/ArielHelwani)

• According to a Tweet by Ariel Saturday night, Seagal told his cameraman what angle to shoot him at

• In spite of the fact that he said earlier that Jones’ elbows would likely finish the fight, he later claims that he called the submission win because he “has a pretty good eye”

• He says Jones has “tremendous potential,” but has a lot to learn

• He was more impressed by Rampage’s head movement than Jones performance and thinks that if Quinton let his hands go he could have won the fight

• In spite of Jones performance, he feels he had “an off night” and “wasn’t himself”

• Though he said before the bout that he and Jones are friends, after the fight and the dressing room snub, he tells Ariel they “Bones” is “a kind of a friend”

• Says that Anderson’s fight with Okami was exactly as he told him it would be

• Claims he hasn’t been wrong yet in predicting the outcome of a bout

• He’s “high on the truth,” which must mean he’s sober 99.9% of the time

• He was unimpressed by the majority of the performances Saturday night and says it’s bullshit that guys complain that they were affected by the altitude, whereupon he started wheezing from the long sentence he just delivered

• Scoffs at the insinuation that Joe Rogan knows what he’s talking about when it comes to MMA

• Claims that he’s an expert on fighting because he’s a fighter who has fought his whole life, but forgot to mention that it was in martial arts competition and movies

• When talking about Jones’ so-called off night, he left Ariel speechless with the following rant: “It’s tough man. This is a tough world. You’ve got to be on. When you get in that ring, you’ve got to be on. We’re all human. We all have off nights and off times. You understand?”

Cagepotato Comments

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maorla3- September 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Yep Rwilson, he is going to take out the bouncing rabbit at station two with a front kick!!!!

Locksmith in Weddington Nc
2Dogs- September 27, 2011 at 12:51 am
What most people dont know is that Steven Segal is the real deal, he's been through the drill from masters. He is " the man who has gone before" and deserves the title of "Sensei" more so than most.
Giblets- September 26, 2011 at 11:54 pm
@Mediumrare, I would pay soooo much money for them too go head to head in conversation about mma. I'm sure his knowledge of Aikido is second to none, but he sounds like all the other karate kings out there that don't fight. " I could kill you in 8 different ways now stand perfectly still and observe" or "throw a jab to my face and watch what I would do"
Giblets- September 26, 2011 at 11:48 pm
What happens when Seagal's good friends Bones and Lyoto square off?
WK- September 26, 2011 at 9:17 pm
CagePotato Ban: Hating on Steven Segal.

Way to separate yourselves from the dirtsheets.
TheCanadian- September 26, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Rogan vs Seagal make it happen Dana.
RwilsonR- September 26, 2011 at 7:43 pm
@ Karma - Thanks bud, but I know MRuss still writes for CP. In fact he wrote this....... ahh, nevermind.
Shatski- September 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Listening to Seagal is the same as listening to my girlfriend's dad, who has fried his brain from prescription drug abuse. Methinks that "Sensei Seagal" hits the cough syrup on a regular basis.
MediumRare- September 26, 2011 at 5:45 pm
@dthrckt: I agree. I get the same feeling watching Seagal speak as I did watching Matt Hughes fight on Saturday night.
Seagal needs to retire from saying shit.
timboslice- September 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm
I agree. CagePotato ban on any rambling turd that knows little about the actual UFC and resembles U2's Bono, albeit higher than a kite. Sorry, Steven. You are the weakest link, and you ain't "Winning!"
dthrckt- September 26, 2011 at 5:29 pm
i tried to watch those videos, hoping for a laugh, but I can't stomach him talking, poor bastard doesn't know he's embarrassing himself.
jaikin5- September 26, 2011 at 4:49 pm
TOP SEX films that you will like them very much,free shippin in
MediumRare- September 26, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I'm hungry, XENOPHON. Where's my fucking bone?
Actually, wow, that sounds terrible. Keep your bone right where it is.
XENOPHON- September 26, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Don't pick on anyone here...their like a pack of wolves this bunch. My specialty is picking apart lone wolves. Just be sure to throw the dogs a bone.
Seagal is an actor, so he tries to play the MMA and his martial arts background for some marketing. Is it any different than Mayhem? I think CP needs to get his predictions all the time, right or wrong it would be original to say the least.
And I watched both videos, Seagal called it right. Jones on the ground. And he was right, that set of fights sucked. If you can't bring it altitude, then you should be there. Any military veteran will tell you that that to fight, it's "..anytime, anyplace, anywhere, period.
edhedicus- September 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm
It is important to recognize that Seagal is a legitimate badass, and a grand master of Aikido. He could really kick the shit out of all of us on here, and kill just as easily. That being said, he is a major douchebag. He hooked up with 2 already accomplished fighters and says that he taught them. These reporters talk to him for the pure comedy that comes out of his asshole of a mouth. I say keep talking to him because it is funny ass shit, just not on FOX.
MediumRare- September 26, 2011 at 3:12 pm
OK fuckers, if Joe Rogan does make any comments in response to this guy, make sure you post that shit up here. I'm depending on you.
I would pay $50 to watch a conversation between Rogan and Seagal about MMA.
intercept440- September 26, 2011 at 2:49 pm
say what you want about steven seagal.
but he is actually a badmotherfucker, and yes dangadang he would bring a loaded gun onto an airplane if he could. segeal is actually a bad mother fucker with guns to. he has been featered in many many gun magazines.
although now? yea he is a senile old bastard who is losing his mind
mDino- September 26, 2011 at 2:41 pm
im pretty sure michael jai white would ruin all those guys if they had like a celeb tourny lol. seagal would get KO'd within a minute
towelie- September 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm
when are these suckas gonna recognize? they need to stop drinking Xyience and move on to some next level shit:
KarmaAteMyCat- September 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm
However if theres a mutual respect thing between myself and the other fighter I guess I wouldn't do that. It is what is at the end of the day.
KarmaAteMyCat- September 26, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Direct Strikes to the Knee will get called by the ref and jon was doing shots on the shin, there was a dude on TUF a few years ago who did the same thing many times. I think it was the Evans/Rampage season not sure but they use it in several Traditional forms because it can cause the knee to lock up. Normally you do it right above the knee or right below it on the shin.. I've been told during fighter meeting that directly doing that to the knee is illegal and will be called so I dunno whatever, if it's legal then I'll do it. I'm all about foot stomping, kicking right above the knee and what not.
noname- September 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Seagal sees the world through piss colored glasses.
KeithHackneyWindmillPalmStrike- September 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I THINK that kicking to the kneecap isn't a written rule in the rule book, it's just kind of an unwritten rule not to be an asshole/douchebag to try to win a fight by potentially ending a guy's career, but I've noticed Jones using those in a number of his fights, as well as some guys from their back seemingly trying to blow out guy's knees as the other guy approaches while dick move in my opinion.
DangadaDang- September 26, 2011 at 12:48 pm
No joke, a buddy of mine's father once piloted for Steven Segal and had to kick him off the plane because he kept trying to bring a loaded gun onto it. Some fighter indeed.
NotReadyStatus- September 26, 2011 at 12:37 pm
@Karma WTF are you talking about with your "he was shin kicking not kneecap kicking thats illegal." comment? Here are the only kicking regs from the UFC rules website:

xii. Kicking to the kidney with a heel
xvi. Kicking the head of a grounded opponent