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What Your Favorite Fighter Says About You: 2014 Edition

It’s been quite a while since we first penned our “What Your Favorite Fighter Says About Youlists and a lot has changed in the time since. While some of our choices are even more relevant now than they were when the list was originally published, most of them seem either inaccurate or simply out of date in light of current circumstances. Knowing what we know now, we’ve decided to update our list to align with today’s MMA landscape. Enjoy. 

CONOR MCGREGOR

You know a lotta tings and don’t take no shit from nobody. Your style is only outmatched by your swagger, which you often describe as “crisp perfection.” You are either Irish, or tell everyone you know that you are despite being as Irish as the average Redskins fan is Cherokee. While not exactly being a paranoid schizophrenic, you think that everyone else in a given room is either afraid of you or trying to violently harm you. You’re relatively new to MMA and have never actually trained, but your bar brawling expertise has led you to claim that you could defeat any top 5 fighter in your weight class with one good punch. Your favorite flower is the daisy because you can take its head clean off.

Favorite Fight: McGregor vs. Brimage

DONALD CERRONE

You’re just here for the party, y’all. In fact, when you aren’t chasing the ultimate adrenaline high that can only be captured by extreme mountain biking or nude skydiving, you’re chasing tail around parts unknown while getting blackout wasted on rotgut whiskey. You have at least one regrettable tattoo, either a tribal armband or the Japanese symbol for “Virtue” (which actually means “seafood salad”), yet claim to live by the motto “no regrets.” Your favorite movie is Point Break, and you always secretly cry at the end. You are white, you voted McCain, and F*CK YEAH YOU’LL LISTEN TO SOME DAVID ALLAN COE!

Favorite Fight: Cerrone vs. Guillard

DAN HENDERSON

See: Hughes, M from our previous list.

Favorite Fight: Hendo vs. Bisping. UH-DOI!!

JON JONES

You are supremely arrogant and don’t respond well to authority, yet list yourself as “down to Earth” on your Instagram profile, which you are constantly updating with selfies hashtaged #blessed and #overcome. Likewise, you are not someone most people would call “witty”, yet feel you are actually a lot more clever than people think you are. You have never lost an argument/debate in your life, likely because you refer to everyone who disagrees with you as a “hater” before dismissing them with a wanking hand gesture. Friends have never been overabundant in your life, but that’s cool, because they were just holding you back from the greatness you were destined to achieve. You’re not religious, per se, but you definitely consider yourself “spiritual.” Basically, you are full of shit.

Favorite fight: Bones vs. Shogun

RONDA ROUSEY

You are supremely arrogant confident and don’t respond well to authority. You’re not an asshole, just someone who’s overflowing with realness. You are either a teenage girl or a single adult male, and high school is/was a hellish nightmare scenario filled with constant ridicule and a whole heap of self-esteem issues. Discipline and determination fuels your every move in life, to the point that you cannot physically relax anymore without feeling guilty afterwards. You’ve been a supporter of women’s MMA since the *very* beginning (Carano) and think anyone who criticizes a WMMA fight is a misogynist.

Favorite Fight: Rousey vs. Tate 1

THIAGO SILVA

You are a misogynist, and think O.J. just got a bum rap.

Favorite Fight: The Ray Rice elevator footage

KHABIB NURMAGOMEDOV

You watch way, way too much MMA, and have been since at least ’95. You constantly lament to your friends about how oversaturation is directly leading to the downfall of the sport, and how Fight Pass is a waste of goddamn money, and how the flyweight division is way more exciting than it’s being given credit for, etc. They never have any idea what you’re talking about, just like when you’re screaming for this kabob guy to attempt something called a “full guard sweep” while watching the FS1 prelims. You’ve done some unconventional wrestling in your day, and long to leave the constraints of a technology-based world behind to shack up in a log cabin in the woods where no one can bother you. You’re idol is Gary Busey.

Favorite Fight: Nurmagomedov vs. Shahbulat Shamhalaev, which you can totally spell on the first try.

GINA CARANO 

You are incredibly f*cking hard to deal with. You…wait, what were we talking about again?

-J. Jones

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