MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

What Your Favorite MMA Fighter Says About You

If there’s one thing we’ve learned during our travels through this crazy world of mixed martial arts, it’s that you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. There are only a few different types of MMA fans, and they tend to gravitate towards certain fighters. For example, let’s say your favorite fighter is…

ANDERSON SILVA

(That’s you on the left.)
You are without a doubt the hippest dude you know.  You were the first to start wearing skinny jeans and also the first to stop, proving your bona fides as a trendsetter.  You like to think that you appreciate the finer elements of striking technique more than most MMA fans, but really you just parrot things Joe Rogan has said (“ballet of violence”) while listing off all the ways that Silva is like a modern-day Bruce Lee.  You sometimes wear glasses you don’t really need and you pretend to like jazz.  You think of yourself as a good dancer.
Your favorite fight:
Silva vs. Rich Franklin I

FEDOR EMELIANENKO

You’ve been watching MMA for years, and it’s important to you that people know that.  You have an extensive collection of ironic t-shirts and Pride DVD’s.  You work in the IT department of a moderately-sized company, where you used to feel bad for the people who pester you for help all day because, honestly, how did anyone even get that clueless?  Now you despise them and don’t go to very much trouble to hide it.  You are probably overweight, but you’re quick to tell people that it doesn’t necessarily mean you are out of shape or aren’t a good athlete.  You don’t date much but there’s this girl in Illinois who you have a thing with over the internet, which you refer to as ‘the web.’  Someone in a bar once asked you if you thought Fedor would stand a chance against Brock Lesnar.  You laughed out loud.  Okay, so they were talking to someone else and you overheard them, and when they noticed you laughing you pretended to be coughing, but still.  The ignorance of some people.
Your favorite fight: Fedor vs. Mirko Filipovic

GEORGES ST. PIERRE

You’re either Canadian or a woman. Either way, rooting for GSP isn’t really a choice — the fire in your blood compels it. Every time you see the fleur de lis tattoo on his calf, or the way his tight spandex shorts hug the curves of his ass and protective cup, a tear comes to your eye, and your clenched fist pumps the air. (Now that we think about it, you might also be a gay man, and that’s totally cool, no judgments, some of our best friends are gay.) Nationality, gender, and sexuality aside, you’re a polite and good-natured person, and you have a general distaste for the stereotypical meathead fight fan. You often order red wine at bars. You fully endorse Vaseline use, both in athletic competition and your own personal life.
Your favorite fight: GSP vs. BJ Penn II

BROCK LESNAR

At some point in your life, you were a pretty big fan of pro wrestling. These days, you’re a pretty big asshole. You never miss an opportunity to remind people that you don’t care what they think, and that you don’t care about being liked. As a result, you are liked by very few people. Your hobbies include playing video games, riding your ATV, trolling MMA message boards, and torturing small animals. You are almost certainly Caucasian. You would vote Republican if you voted, but you don’t vote because fuck voting, right? The number of guns you own is greater than the number of girlfriends you’ve had in your life. You have a crippling Internet porn addiction. You like heavy metal, and you like to play it loud enough so that your parents can’t hear you crying yourself to sleep.
Your favorite fight: Lesnar vs. Randy Couture

LYOTO MACHIDA

When you were a kid, you took some form of traditional martial art to protect yourself from the bullies that would constantly harass you at school for being small and girlish. Even though you achieved a high belt rank, you were still bullied at school, but you’ve kept your respect for dojos and senseis and gis and shit like that. These days you’re either a college student or a white-collar worker of some sort, and you would describe your life as generally happy. Your parents are still married. You read a lot. You own at least one sword. You think Tito Ortiz is the biggest douchebag on Earth. Your friends think you’re kind of boring, especially when you start talking about how exciting Lyoto Machida is. One time, at summer camp, you took a sip of your own pee on a dare. You spat it out and started screaming about how gross it was. Secretly, you didn’t think it was that bad. You tell people that your favorite fight is Machida vs. Dimitri Wanderley.
Your actual favorite fight: Machida vs. Rashad Evans

FORREST GRIFFIN

You don’t consider yourself a “TUF noob,” even though the first MMA match you ever saw was Griffin vs. Bonnar at the TUF 1 finale. You’re easily the smartest and funniest person among your group of friends, none of whom are especially smart or funny. Despite your lack of formal martial arts training, you’ve never backed down from a fight, particularly ones you’ve started with strangers in bars. You prefer tough, hard-working fighters to naturally athletic and explosive ones. You are almost certainly Caucasian. You listen to Andrew W.K. when you work out, and you consider Road House to be one of the greatest movies of all time. The phrase “Pain Don’t Hurt” may or may not be tattooed on your right arm.
Your favorite fight: Griffin vs. Mauricio Rua

BJ PENN

If you aren’t Hawaiian – and chances are very, very good that you are – then at the very least you like to think that you live your life according to some vague island-like principles.  Basically that means you wear a puka shell necklace and call people ‘brah’ a lot.  Aside from your driver’s license and school pictures, someone would be hard-pressed to find a photograph of you where you aren’t doing the shaka.  You’ve never watched an entire MMA event without pointing out possible situations where the rubber guard might be a good idea.  You believe the moon landing was fake, 9/11 was a government conspiracy, and Georges St. Pierre could never have beaten B.J. if he hadn’t been covered from head to toe in Crisco and pumped full of steroids and some weird stuff the aliens left behind when they landed in Roswell.  It’s very likely that you are stoned right now.
Your favorite fight: Penn vs. Matt Hughes I

GINA CARANO

First of all, Gina’s looks are totally not why you like her.  You just love her attitude and think she’s very “down to earth,” which is how you describe all celebrities that you like and secretly think would want to be friends with you.  You love stories about people who triumph over moderately difficult odds, particularly when that triumph involves significant weight loss.  You always get emotionally swept up by stories of missing white children and lost pets that find their own way back home.  Sometimes it seems as if Pink is singing those songs about you.  For a little while you did muay thai and you were easily the best in the class until shin splints sidelined you.  You often begin jokes and then forget the ending or realize that you’ve left out something important, so you just start laughing anyway in the hopes that other people will join you.  They rarely do.  You are either a teenage girl or a single adult male.  You’re convinced that your father doesn’t get it and never will.
Your favorite fight:Gina vs. that redheaded chick

CHUCK LIDDELL

If you aren’t currently in your sixth year of college, then you have a job with “technician” somewhere in the title.  You are white.  You may or may not have a weekend cocaine problem.  When someone asks you what your hobbies and interests are, you are likely to respond with, “Partyin’.”  Even though Liddell (who you exclusively refer to as “The Iceman,”) is old and headed downhill, you still don’t believe he’s done.  If he does retire, you may give up on watching MMA altogether and go back to being a Motocross fan.  There’s an 80% that you’ve had some form of Chuck-hawk in the last four years.  You’ve never been convicted of a felony, and this is a source of pride for you, though secretly you wonder how long you’ll be able to say that.  You drive an old car that isn’t technically a classic, but it’s loud and you call it your “baby.”  There’s hardly a bouncer in this whole shitty town who hasn’t had to tussle with you at least once.
Your favorite fight: The Iceman vs. Randy Couture III

JASON MILLER

You’re somewhere between the ages of 13 and 21. You’ve been watching MMA for a long time — ever since the first episode of The Iron Ring. You’ve never actually seen Jason Miller fight, but you think he’s funny on Bully Beatdown, and you like his hair. You’ve heard good things about this “Fedro” guy. You have an extensive sneaker collection, but don’t own any shirts with collars. You want to start taking lessons at the BJJ school that just opened up in the strip-mall across town, but mom’s being a bitch about it, what else is new. You have HPV.
Your favorite fight: (tie) Jake Shields vs. Jonathan, Jake Tyler vs. Ryan McCarthy

Did we leave out your favorite fighter? Tell us about yourself in the comments section below…

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bed bug spray- August 3, 2011 at 10:04 am
I love GSP and Lidell. Both hilarious.
Clinch-Smash- September 17, 2009 at 8:09 am
" Basically that means you wear a puka shell necklace and call people ‘brah’ a lot. Aside from your driver’s license and school pictures, someone would be hard-pressed to find a photograph of you where you aren’t doing the shaka"

Check out Guillard further down the page, does that mean he's a BJ Penn Fan?

Great Shit keep it comeing!
DAN THE VIKING- September 17, 2009 at 7:55 am
@Than
Why would they believe its the only time they fought? He whooped his ass harder the first time.
DAN THE VIKING- September 17, 2009 at 7:43 am
Mauricio 'SHOGUN' Rua

Although the first time you heard of Shogun was when he won the PRIDE Final Conflict in 2005, you've seen enough highlight videos on the internet to confidentally claim you've liked him from 'the beginning'. And since everyone has seen the same highlight videos time and time again, no one attempts to argue with you just incase there identical backstory falls apart underneath them. You have been quoted as saying "PRIDE guys would kill UFC guys" about 1,756 times between 2005 and 2007. You own two Chute Box shirts, one black, one white, but seem to never wear the black one because it doesnt go with your white Oakley Gas Cans. You have spent more time trying to explain WHY Shogun lost to Forrest than you have watching Shogun fight. You will undoubtedly stand up in your living room and announce Rua's name along side Bruce Buffer on Oct.24 only to have an entire room of people standing up around you 10 minutes later while you are seated in an armchair of despair. You will then spend the next 6 months explaining to people WHY SHogun lost his fight with Machida. It was his boring style of course.

Favorite Fight: Tie - Shogun vs. Chuck Liddel/Shogun vs. Rampage
Zee German- September 17, 2009 at 2:20 am
Iconic fighters you've let out (though some not as relevant as they used to be): Randy Couture, Wanderlei, Tito, Matt Hughes, Aoki and Sakuraba.
There should be plenty of material for Part 2. Please, CP, make it happen. Great post.
KillSwitch_E- September 17, 2009 at 12:44 am
WANDERLEI SILVAAAAAAAAA *in crazy japanese voice
MGalactic- September 17, 2009 at 12:28 am
The fedor one was on point.

I would be curious to see Nick Diaz, as well. As far as the "you are white" comments go...You're sounding like Bob Arum.

It's fucking bullshit. You didn't mention that shit with Anderson Silva. Then fair is fair, if you mention that.

Like when I saw Franklin vs. Silva I at Hooters. (Classy) There was almost a race riot. Minorities vs. White or kind of white people. Just be even-handed. By the way you have written, you come across as the same type of self-hating dbag, the type that has existed for many years, nothing new to this earth.
Subo- September 16, 2009 at 11:03 pm
This was fucking fantastic.
UFC fan- September 16, 2009 at 10:49 pm
portland mma that was actually pretty damn funny, and I can certainly see where you got all that from, but doing a thing where you think I act or do things like Diego is the farthest from the truth. I realize the boy is weird, but he is a great fighter and unlike some pussy fighters who back up all the time have boring fights or drink their own fucking urine, Diego fucking brings it. Now it's obvious Diego is ADD, but things could be worse, he could be a wacko and go out in the desert and kill himself, or drink his own urine or pretend he's Bruce Lee, or maybe even act like a redneck trailer-trash and act likes hes giving a WWE "heel talk", or maybe act like hes a douchebag who jumps outta pools, whines like a bitch and brings his mom to big meetings.
So yeah Diego is eccentric, but I have seen worse who can't even fight.
STILL waiting on one or both bens to do one on Diego.
BM2- September 16, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I have quite a few "favourite fighters". Here are some off the top of my head:

Kazushi Sakuraba
Kazuyuki Fujita
Ikuhisa Minowa
Josh Barnett
Hideo Tokoro
Yoshihiro Akiyama
James Thompson
Big Nog
Don Frye
Dong Sik Yoon
Tatsuya Kawajiri
Daisuke Nakamura
Masakatsu Funaki
Minoru Suzuki
Ken Shamrock
Wicky Akiyo
Katsuyori Shibata
Mauricio Rua


I think what they *mostly* show is that I think MMA should be viewed with a sense of fun, and that heart is the most important thing. Also important: charisma.
Than- September 16, 2009 at 6:23 pm
You forgot the Rampage fans, so I'll write one for you:

You are almost certainly black or think you are black. You have been in at least three street fights with a some white kid who you outweighed by at least 30 pounds, BUT you tell your friends you have knocked a total of 9 people out and they all outweighed YOU by 30 pounds. You also tell them about your how much of a bad ass you are with chicks, especially asian ones, but in reality you haven't been laid since high school. Rampage is your favorite fighter but you still think PRIDE has something to do with rainbows and gay people. You only stepped onto a college campus when your buddy from highschool invited you up to party and you still won't shut the fuck up about it, also you are always trying to score some blow. Favorite fight: Rampage vs Chuck II (although you believe it was the only time they fought).
PurplePickle- September 16, 2009 at 5:34 pm
What if you are a Don Frye fan and can't stand the fact that some queer ass sissy went and ruined your ultimate fightin show with a bunch of fuckin gay ass rules?

itsgalf- September 16, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Fedor Emilienenko + Lyoto Machida for me
RPS13- September 16, 2009 at 4:45 pm
as soon as i read the title i knew it was going to say something about gsp fans being homosexual. gsp fan, not canadian, not homo. i'm just saying...
Barc- September 16, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I second the vote for "Your favorite fighter Round 2" I'm in this for the full 5 rounds. Here's how I stacked up with Chuck, who you've convinced me is my favorite:
If you aren’t currently in your sixth year of college, then you have a job with “technician” somewhere in the title.
Check. Actually "Technician" is my title.
You are white.
Check.
You may or may not have a weekend cocaine problem.
No Check.
When someone asks you what your hobbies and interests are, you are likely to respond with, “Partyin’.”
No Check.
Even though Liddell (who you exclusively refer to as “The Iceman,”) is old and headed downhill, you still don’t believe he’s done.
Half Check, he's not done!
If he does retire, you may give up on watching MMA altogether and go back to being a Motocross fan.
No check.
There’s an 80% that you’ve had some form of Chuck-hawk in the last four years.
Check. Chuck-hawk is the technical term.
You’ve never been convicted of a felony, and this is a source of pride for you, though secretly you wonder how long you’ll be able to say that.
Check.
You drive an old car that isn’t technically a classic, but it’s loud and you call it your “baby.”
Half check. One of my cars is a '94 blazer. I call it "crusty rusty."
There’s hardly a bouncer in this whole shitty town who hasn’t had to tussle with you at least once.
No check. I don't go to clubs. I'm married with kids, sober, and boring.
Titos Head- September 16, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Chuck did party in Tulsa with some of my friends....lol thats pretty damn funny. Guess you guys have some "Inside info" lol
superflat- September 16, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Clay Guida

Every time you meet someone new, you like to inform them that drugs are bad, refer to the meth habit you kicked, and then do a line off the back of your Jeep. You got into MMA because it flashes you back to those bygone days of moshing to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, before they started playing all that slow shit. You've survived more than one shark attack. Th importance of a positive attitude cannot be overestimated.

Your favorite fight is any during which you are spit on.
superflat- September 16, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Clay Guida

Every time you meet someone knew, you like to inform them that drugs are bad, refer to the meth habit you kicked, and then do a line off the back of your Jeep. You got into MMA because it flashes you back to those bygone days of moshing to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, before they started playing all that slow shit. You've survived more than one shark attack. Th importance of a positive attitude cannot be overestimated.

Your favorite fight is any during which you are spit on.
MyFightWiffaCheeto- September 16, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I love Randy and it's not 2004... : (
portland mma- September 16, 2009 at 2:33 pm
My sentiments exactly he is the most unlikeable douche bag I've ever seen, the dude is so overconfident and I don't know why. I think I am going to watch Frank Mir and Brandon Vera when I get home to remind myself of who he really is.
munche- September 16, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Seriously, there are Frank Mir fans? More than one? "Remember those AWESOME fights against Wes Sims! Hopefully Sims comes back to make it a trilogy!"

I mean I can see rooting for him over Brock, but your favorite fighter? Wow.
Cocky- September 16, 2009 at 2:16 pm
BigCountrysChol...You nailed me to a T.
virpz- September 16, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Im missing
Randy, Minotauro, Minotouro, Wandy, Rich Flanklin, Nick Diaz etc
portland mma- September 16, 2009 at 2:13 pm
UFC fan, since your a Diego fan I am guessing that you sit around meditating while synonymously listening to Banana Hands Tony Robbins telling you that yes you can while you think about raping Kenny Florian like Diego did once before. You also put Stevia in everything you eat while you constantly talk shit about Greg Jackson as your mouth frothily salivates.
rokabee- September 16, 2009 at 2:13 pm
You left out Cro Cop! I demand Cro Cop! Do it!
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