Steroids in MMA
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What Your MMA Nickname Really Says About You

Nicknames are like tattoos — badass when you first pick them out, generally embarrassing ten years later. And yet for some reason, they’re often the only things that MMA fighters keep forever, even as they change camps, change fighting styles, and change their hair. And while every fighter sends a message with their choice of nickname, it may not always be the message that they’re trying to send. For example, let’s say your nickname is…


Notable examples: Mike “Quick” Swick, “Bad” Brad Blackburn, Shannon “The Cannon” Ritch, Marvin “Beastman” Eastman
What you think it says: You’re straightforward and to-the-point. You want your nickname to stick in people’s heads.
What it really says: You spent no more than five seconds coming up with that weak bullshit.


Notable examples: Kamal “Prince of Persia” Shalorus, Efrain “Hecho en Mexico” Escudero, Sako “The Armenian Psycho” Chivitchian, “The Korean Zombie” Chan Sung Jung
What you think it says: You’re proud of your heritage and want to represent the fighting spirit of your people.
What it really says: You will be met with boos and “U.S.A.!” chants every time you fight, even though you’ve lived in Glendale your entire life.


Notable examples: Phil “The New York Bad Ass” Baroni, Tito “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” Ortiz
What you think it says: You came up the hard way. You were the toughest dude in your neighborhood, and now you’re the toughest dude in any neighborhood.
What it really says: There’s a good chance you’re a complete asshole.


Notable examples: Ed “9mm” Ratcliff, Paul “Semtex” Daley, Matt “12 Gauge” Thorpe
What you think it says: You’re a dangerous son-of-a-bitch who’s not to be messed with. Your goal is to inflict maximum damage.
What it really says: Sometimes you fantasize about walking into a McDonald’s with an assault rifle and thinning out the herd, so to speak. You think Charles Whitman had some good ideas.


Notable examples: Dennis “Superman” Hallman, Kurt “Batman” Pellegrino, Jesse “The Spiderman” Taitano, Jason “The Punisher” Lambert
What you think it says: You’re an ass-kicker, but you use your powers for good. You’re a defender of the weak, and a destroyer of bullies.
What it really says: You wore underoos until you graduated high school. You have the body of a man, and the mind of a child.


Notable examples: Junie “The Lunatik” Browning, Justin “The NSane 1” McCully, Amber “The Crazy Bitch” Powell
What you think it says: You’re unpredictable. People watch you to see what kind of wild shit you’ll do next.
What it really says: You’re not literally insane. You may have a bit of a drinking problem, sure, but your crazy persona is just an act you use to get attention, which is something you’ve been doing ever since dad left. If he hugged you one time when you were growing up — just once — you’d probably be a doctor or a teacher right now.


Notable examples: Nate “Rock” Quarry, Nick “The Promise” Ring, Paul “The Wheel” Barrow, Eliot “The Fire” Marshall, Rick “The Horror” Story
What you think it says: You’re not some neaderthal bar brawler. You’re as clever as anyone in this arena.
What it really says: Let’s just say they’re not laughing with you…


Notable examples: Giva “The Arm Collector” Santana, Joe “The Triangular Strangler” Pearson, Paul “Sassangle” Sass
What you think it says: Nobody can handle your special move.
What it really says: You know how to do one thing really well. As long as you keep competing against guys with poor submission defense who don’t do any research on their opponents, it’s all good.


Notable examples: Thiago “Pitbull” Alves, Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza, Seth “The Silverback” Petruzelli, Doug “The Rhino” Marshall
What you think it says: You’re an alpha; you won’t be dominated, and you can’t be tamed. When you’re in the cage it’s survival of the fittest, homey. Kill or be killed. Grrrrr!
What it really says: Like many animals, you can’t stay monogamous, and you give terrible interviews.


Notable examples: Mauricio “Shogun” Rua, Genki “Neo-Samurai” Sudo, Carlos “The Ronin” Newton, Daniel “Ninja” Roberts
What you think it says: You have deep respect for the traditions and history of martial arts. For you, fighting is beyond physical — it’s spiritual.
What it really says: You have deep respect for teriyaki chicken and schoolgirls.


Notable examples: Jason “Mayhem” Miller, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Charles “Kid Kaos” Bennett
What you think it says: You’re an off-the-chain motherfucker.
What it really says: You’re an off-the-chain motherfucker, for real.


Notable examples: Logan “The Pink Pounder” Clark, Pat “Awesomely Awesome” Audinwood, Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz
What you think it says: You’re here to party.
What it really says: Fighting is the only thing you’ve been able to do for more than three months without getting fired.


Notable examples: Mitsuhiro “Endless Fighter” Ishida, John “Buckets of Blood” Polakowski, Fedor “The Last Emperor” Emelianenko, Srdjan “Crazy Serbian Dancer” Sekulic
What you think it says: It’s just a nickname. It came to you in a dream one night. No biggie.
What it really says: You are too awesome for this world.


Notable examples: Jake Shields, Jon Fitch
What you think it says: Nicknames are silly, and you don’t need one to be marketable.
What it really says: Good Lord are you boring.


Props to our buds at Holy Taco for the inspiration.

Cagepotato Comments

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The Fresh One- August 6, 2010 at 9:39 am
I always liked Spencer "The King" Fisher. Great double entendre.
glassjawsh- August 6, 2010 at 8:53 am
i wish my last name was DeJesus so i could be Josh "nobody fucks with" DeJesus. but i was born in indiana....lame
ReX13- August 5, 2010 at 9:01 pm
AkilleeZ >> +1

Brutus >> +1

BONGTAR >> +1 and Happy Birthday fool!
ReDx- August 5, 2010 at 8:54 pm
What about fighters that have nicknames to other occupations? Josh "The Dentist" Neer, and Vladimir "The Janitor" Matyushenko to name a few
Almost North- August 5, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Who/what is a snorlax?
Lysol- August 5, 2010 at 7:30 pm
+1 Akilleez

Snorlax perfectly describes Jake Shields' fighting style, while making him seem more interesting. Bravo!
k-onda- August 5, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Holy shit, I just thought of a great name for Jake Shieldzzzz, what do you think..
Jake "Bedtime Story" Shields, take'er for a spin
k-onda- August 5, 2010 at 6:51 pm
I totally dig this topic, but wait, there's so much left to be said.
What about occupation? Demolition man, janitor, etc.
Mythological creatures? Dragon, um, cyclops (if there isn't one, there should be)
Catchy witticism? Lights out, Dean of mean,
Criminals? Axe murderer, the rapist (again, if there isn't one, there should be)
And then you guys should've mentioned the nicknames that, sadly, don't exist, like...
Barbaric? Skull Crusher, The Wizard of Slogmoar, um, Barbarian
Ye Olde English? The minstrel of pain, Thou dost henceforth dieth,etc.
Anyway, nice work, or whatever.
AkilleeZ- August 5, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Jake "Snorlax" Shields
bloodsportmmadotcom- August 5, 2010 at 4:30 pm
The term 'mad funny' is an understatement here - great fucking post, literally had me laughing out loud despite that being one of the lamest terms around, its the truth... well done!
AkilleeZ- August 5, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Jake "the Anesthesiologist" Shields
cecils_pupils- August 5, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Jake Shields is so boring he doesn't even have a nickname.

What? My joke is too little too late? Awe screw you guys...
Clyde- August 5, 2010 at 4:24 pm
I think now that war machine has changed his name, his fighting name is now War "the John" Machine. Although the "the" makes it sound more like he pays for sex than he gets paid.

Oh wait, that career's over now isn't it.

I think we should try to edit Jake Shields wikipedia page to make him more interesting. Say that he rides a unicycle to every fight, that he was raised by polar bears in the jungle, and that his nickname is "supercalifragilisticexpialidociousmotherfuckers".
mt59801- August 5, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Jake "Deploy the Snooze" Sheilds

Also rampage should be the top of this list, you know for acutally going on a fucking rampage
TheHulkSmash- August 5, 2010 at 4:01 pm
WTF is Dustin "McLovin'" Hazelett (sp?) not on the list of ridiculous names? Cause that shit's clearly awesome, that's why, and it would have thrown off the groove.
Almost North- August 5, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Bongtar everybody calls you the meat missile all the time and yes I have no idea where I'm going with that.
fatbellyfrank- August 5, 2010 at 3:58 pm
@ Brutus, thanks for the mention dude, I now feel important

Rock on Potato nation
fatbellyfrank- August 5, 2010 at 3:57 pm
@ Brutus, I try to pay attention, but I'm gettin on these days and my attention span has been seriously eroded with various substances, and yeah Big Country rules, If I had any hair left I would grow me a sweet sweet mullet like his
AkilleeZ- August 5, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Jake "Naturally Recurring Altered State of Consciousness" Shields
fatbellyfrank- August 5, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Fri, 08/06/2010 - 07:04
i call myself the meat missile.
Oh man, bwahahahahahahaha, Bongtar you da man +100000000 Lol

and Happy Burfday dude
TheArtof8Limbs- August 5, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Jake "Ambien" Shields
Videodrome_NOW- August 5, 2010 at 3:52 pm
+ however many points you want for that shit.
I, however, come here to be sexually harassed. Formerly by Caps and now Boss. I didn't know this was an MMA site.
AkilleeZ- August 5, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Jake "REM" Shields
Almost North- August 5, 2010 at 3:37 pm
James "Sudan" Irvin
AkilleeZ- August 5, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Since James Irvins career is pretty much over...I don't think he would mind lending his nickname to Shields.