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Whatever the Opposite of ‘Barnburer Alert’ Is: Lyoto Machida vs. Phil Davis Booked for UFC 163

(“You’ll love it, son, it’s called a ur-pee.”) 

Yesterday, we informed you that a sure-to-be-slugfest in Martin Kampmann vs. Carlos Condit II had been booked for the UFC’s second FOX Sports 1 card. There was much rejoicing. Today, however, we bring you word of a matchup slightly lower on The Chris Lytle Barnburner Scale: Lyoto Machida vs. Phil Davis, which has recently been given the greenlight for UFC 163: Aldo vs. Pettis in August. Looks like “The Dragon” won’t be getting that title shot he was promisedagain.

To be fair, Lyoto was offered a short notice shot against Jon Jones at UFC 152 after beating down Ryan Bader at UFC on FOX 4, but turned it down citing not enough time to prepare (meanwhile, Chael Sonnen just offered to fight Cain “El Pollo Grande” Velasquez – his words, not ours — in a Taco Bell parking lot tomorrow). Although Machida was again promised a title shot with a win over Dan Henderson at UFC 157, his somewhat uninspiring performance, coupled with Jon Jones’ toe injury, threw a wrench into those plans. Machida has been relegated to turning down a fight with Alexander Gustafsson, then begging for a fight with Alexander Gustafsson ever since. Sad.

Davis is also on the heels of a less-than-spectacular (fine, let’s call it what it was, abysmal) performance — albeit in victory — over Vinny Magalhaes at UFC 159. Suffice it to say, if the thought of seeing Rashad Evans try to score 50 takedowns against Hendo at UFC 161 really gets your engine revving, then you are going to need a Valium or six to make it through the spectacle that will be Davis sauntering after Machida for three rounds attempting to do the same.

-J. Jones

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Tiffany- June 7, 2013 at 4:31 am
til I looked at the check which said $5155, I accept best friend woz like they say really bringing in money in there spare time online.. there dads buddy haz done this for under eighteen months and a short time ago paid for the dept on there place and bourt a gorgeous Lancia Straton. we looked here,
macreadysshack- June 5, 2013 at 8:55 pm
@DavidSavage. Dude, that's racist.
DavidSavage- June 5, 2013 at 2:47 am
Good worm up fight for Machida vs Jones 2
Mr_Misanthropy- June 5, 2013 at 1:34 am FTW

Now if I could just figure out how to make $8346.77 month at home from my computer while fucking that sweet black pussy we'd be in business.
The12ozCurls- June 4, 2013 at 11:36 pm
Mr_Misanthropy- June 4, 2013 at 10:29 pm
It's a barn cleaner. It's about as entertaining as shoveling crusty poo but will be way better if you drink cold beer while you do it.
macreadysshack- June 4, 2013 at 8:47 pm
Lol @ Roezcity - you in PDX?

This match will look like a black man in quicksand. Mr Wonderful should just stay still and wait for his corner to find a stick long enough to pull him out of the cage.

Seriously, this is terrible for Phil. I actually feel bad for him.
jayflo0808- June 4, 2013 at 6:27 pm
Barn builders alert?
The12ozCurls- June 4, 2013 at 5:10 pm

The Capt. only has a puncher's chance in that matchup. If he can land a haymaker dick swing to the jaw, it's lights out for Dr. Rousey. Otherwise, she wins via cock Kimura in the first minute.
RoezCity- June 4, 2013 at 1:59 pm
Machida will hip twitch and run. He's sassy and a tease.
RoezCity- June 4, 2013 at 1:55 pm
@The12ozCurls Dung Watcher? Egg Warmer? Fart Factory?
godspeed- June 4, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Id rather eat a shit sandwich then have to sit thru another machida fight and watch him be elusive the whole time.
Imnotamoose- June 4, 2013 at 11:54 am
True, Phil's striking look improved in his last fight but Vinny isn't exactly a world class striker... Machida is.

Lyoto is gonna light him up and Phil will never get close enough for a decent chance to get the fight to the mat.
crappiefloper- June 4, 2013 at 11:14 am
"Dr." Rhonda's Mom vs. Capt. Swingdick saves this card. Unified WAR rules, no substance testing, the Capt's third leg touching the ground does not count as kneeing a downed opponent, and in the event of a draw both fighters simultaneously fight a magicians face eating white tiger
Clyde- June 4, 2013 at 10:19 am
Farm Fireproofing?

It does have the potential to be roughly as interesting as a combined health and safety/fire hazard assesment.

Or Davis could run into Machida's fist Bader style and make it more interesting.
Thumblaster- June 4, 2013 at 9:37 am
A soggydepot?
danomite- June 4, 2013 at 9:36 am
well wikipedia just told me that Barnburners were an anti-slavery Democrats and Hunkers were pro-slavery democrats in New York (suck on that, self-righteous northerners!) so we could call it a Hunker alert, since they were the opposite of Barnburners. Or we could call it a Lunker alert because that sounds more accurate somehow.
danomite- June 4, 2013 at 9:32 am
Tactical Chessmatch Alert!
mookiestick- June 4, 2013 at 9:32 am
I like both these guys. Barnburners are fun but I can definately appreciate a smart, cerebral fight as well. I thought Davis' last fight showed some improved striking, I thought he did great?. I don't know what meathead thought it was abyssmal. Machida is Machida, he'd prefer to knock you out but he'd also prefer it not happen to him first. If your a normal dude like me, getting punched in the face hurts. I think it's the smart way to fight. Especially big punchers...
Willa Ford- June 4, 2013 at 9:20 am
How was Phil's performance against Vinny "abysmal?" Don't get me wrong, Vinny looked abysmal, and the fight was pretty boring, but Phil boxed the shit out of a very dangerous grappler. Call it boring, sure, but abysmal? Phil imposed his will and dominated the standup.
Kimbo Lesnar- June 4, 2013 at 9:19 am
What must Lyoto be thinking when, every time there is a beverage of any kind in his hand, people start taking photos like he is Lindsay Lohan?
Fried Taco- June 4, 2013 at 8:53 am
@The12oz - Barn Raiser. They're a lot of fun in the Amish communities.
The12ozCurls- June 4, 2013 at 8:14 am
That's a damn good question.

WTF is the opposite of BARNBURNER?

Ready . . . . GO!
Fried Taco- June 4, 2013 at 7:53 am
This is good news! I've been having difficulty sleeping lately.