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What’s Seen Cannot Be Unseen Alert: Promotional Still From War Machine’s First Porno


(Make sure you have one of these nearby before you proceed.)

Through the whole War Machine turns to porn saga, we’ve been holding onto a scrap of hope that this is all just crazy-talk, like when War said he was going to move to the Philippines because he was under the impression that aggravated assault was legal there. Oh, if only. Waiting for you after the jump is photographic proof that the man-child formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver is officially an adult film actor. And now, a moment of silence for our collective innocence…



(Props: Digital Playground via Bloody Elbow)

My God, War. You were so young and hopeful once.

You can follow War Machine’s life-updates at twitter.com/WarMachineXXX, where War has revealed that he’s already shot with Phoenix Marie ("big ole booty"), and Brandy Blair is next on his hit-list. Also, he really wants to see Boondock Saints 2!

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Redtigershark2- November 5, 2009 at 7:02 am

Coming soon, War and Aaron Brink are going to double team Jenna Jameson in the movie MM in her A.

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Your Dumb- November 4, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Spoiler: The scene ends with War Machine having another Jared Rollins moment and starts sobbing.

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BeastUnleashed- November 4, 2009 at 6:01 pm

I am going to watch this porno.

Good job War Machine good thing you arent running over pregnant ladies and having high speed chases on the freeway.

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stax- November 4, 2009 at 5:48 pm

hows about you just let him get on up and do his thing. you know, like a, like a WAR MACHINE

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for the love of mma- November 4, 2009 at 5:18 pm

rock on war machine, rock on!!!!!!!!

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Scott_Whitt- November 4, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Well, War Machine is used to getting mounted so this shouldn’t be too far of a stretch.
P.S.
Nice socks Fred Garvin.

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rampageisgod- November 4, 2009 at 4:37 pm

He banged Phoenix Marie? There is hope for me yet.

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ithertz- November 4, 2009 at 4:24 pm

sorry to be the weird one here, but her feet are f’n enormous

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Catalyst8487- November 4, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Lucky guy. Lucky me too… I just learned of three new porn stars.

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Nut Puncher 9000- November 4, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Its Official…My penis is now only for show.

If I have to read, even a headline, about War Machine again it had better be because he has legally changed his name to “Sex Machine”

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Pff I would destroy him- November 4, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Dude, seriously, you still have your goddamn socks on.

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the mocker- November 4, 2009 at 3:17 pm

that sofa is hideous I mean the cushions don’t even match.

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Harry Russo- November 4, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Good for you Warmachine. Why wouldn’t you want to get paid to fuck slutty whores? You hypocrites who talk about dignity then go punch in at wendy’s, some random factory, or better yet, live with your parents, are full of shit.

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Defender- November 4, 2009 at 2:38 pm

@Ben

It’s cool man, I got the old history cleared out just in case. It’s cool that you got it all fixed up tho.

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Bob Reilly- November 4, 2009 at 2:29 pm

I bet he left a skid mark on that nice white couch. What a bastard.

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Professor chaos- November 4, 2009 at 2:12 pm

All I gotta say is I think war machine always was one of the most attractive MMA fighters. I would only be more happy about this news is if it was GSP or James Irvin and I could see there balls in this picture. Other then that nice scoop CP!

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Dubya- November 4, 2009 at 1:52 pm

The look on his face tells me one of two things :

1. He is trying extremely hard not to prematurely blow his load at the mere sight of real tits in his face.

or

2. He is trying extremely hard to get and maintain an erection because everyone knows he’s a homosexual.

I’m going with #2.. speaking of which.. i need to go drop a #2.

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superflat- November 4, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Dana White was just in a fender bender. Coincidence, or cause and effect?

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KarmaAteMyCat- November 4, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Seriously? A Star wars reference… Fucking ridiculous, Good for war machine he was just headed down a path of poor choices and stupidity anyway. Why not fuck some beautiful women on the way there? I think if you clicked this link while at work VIA warning before hand WHICH I SAW. Not sure how you didn’t then fuck you idiot. oh and HAI BEN!

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Onan- November 4, 2009 at 1:11 pm

@whitey

She was wearing shoes?

Hell, I didn’t even notice anything below the knee!

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WarpedAcorn- November 4, 2009 at 1:07 pm

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this” -Han Solo, before reading the latest War Machine update

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youngblood- November 4, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Hey, War, just to let you know, there are still a few things out there that a shot in the ass of antibiotics won’t cure…..Unless that is not the type of shot in the ass you were looking for?

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Miles- November 4, 2009 at 12:53 pm

Good for him. he officially no longer belongs on this site until he fights some more

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spermburger- November 4, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Damn, that girl looks good. I’m sure there will be haters, but I think we’d all hit it if we weren’t all internet pimps.

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onebaldegg- November 4, 2009 at 12:44 pm

wow! you can’t even tell which one is his glass eye! although i would have to say to one looking at the floor is the fake one and the one looking behind him is his real one! i smell a condom! did War Machine just fart? this guy is a ding dong!

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