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The World According to Nick Diaz

Trying to interview Nick Diaz is a lot like trying to help an elderly person use the self checkout machine at the supermarket.  It’s a test of patience and will, and a part of you knows that you never should have gotten mixed up in this to begin with.  But, if you keep at it, as Ariel Helwani does in this video, you’ll eventually reach the point where all the groceries have been scanned and bagged, even the produce, and your new friend will smile at you around wrinkled eyes and ask, ‘Who do I make the check out to?’  That’s when it all feels…worth it?

Though at times it seems like Diaz would rather be doing anything else than answering Helwani’s questions, we do eventually get some answers that help us further understand his bizarre and often openly contradictory world view.  For example:

– A decision should not be decided by takedowns.  It should be decided by who was winning at the end, and who would have won if the fight would have continued indefinitely.

– A decision should be decided by who looks more "fucked up" afterwards.  Even if you tapped the guy out but got your ass beat, you still got your ass beat.

- Nick doesn’t use words like ‘excited.’

Georges St. Pierre and Anderson Silva?  Nick would beat both those guys.

– You can’t land big fights by just getting in someone’s face and calling them out.  If you could, though.  Oh man.

– Aside from Diego Sanchez, Nick did not lose any of those fights in the UFC.  Not really.

– Nick does not envision the fight against Marius Zaromskis ending.  At all.

Yep, that about covers it.  Is it weird that Diaz’s rambling, distracted remarks do nothing to dampen our near freakout levels of excitement for this fight?  Maybe.  But it’s our kind of weird. 

Cagepotato Comments

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T_Durden- January 31, 2010 at 11:54 am

Don't get frustrated. I'll look past your mediocre points next time, and engage you. No, but seriously...I'm all for grown up discussions. And for the penis envy.
BananaPancakes- January 31, 2010 at 4:59 am

You're right he hasn't devolved as low as UFC FAN. That's relatively difficult and requires years of social rejection as well as penis envy. I actually have spent some time trying to figure out what makes a peon like UFC FAN tick... to no avail. By the way I love banana pancakes, but I don't listen to Jack Johnson. My beef with T_Durden is that he takes a condescending tone and from my reading of his comments, indeed, does make ad hominem attacks. For example on the post about Kimbo and Dana I attempted to engage him in a reasonable discussion and he responds that my posts are mediocre. I try to use the same rules on a internet forum as I would in real life. Be respectful and reasonable and if someone wants to step on my toes, challenge them to a sparring match.
Whatever though I can forget about T_Durdens post, it's just frustrating to see a bunch of smart and informed MMA fans acting like the little kids on Sherdog. Anyway, no more ad hominem attacks from me. Thanks for the feedback.
steampunk22- January 30, 2010 at 4:20 pm
This post should win a CP Shirt for most times the phrase AD HOMINEM was used on a mixed martial arts blog. What the hell!?!
Steffmeister- January 30, 2010 at 3:35 pm
1. Ariel Helwani is an amazing interviewer.

2. Is Nick Diaz' face pregnant?
T_Durden- January 30, 2010 at 10:14 am
Haha...I've read some of UFC Fan's posts...pretty vanilla I thought. Don't see the parallels but it's always nice to feel like you belong somewhere, even if it's through the use of ad hominen attacks.


I feel betrayed! I think I even backed you up somewhere a few days ago, or maybe I disagreed with you somewhere, which would explain this post from you, but I clearly remember thinking "Banana Pancakes? as in the fruity song by Jack Johnson? Wow." Anyway, read up on what an ad hominen attack is. I was trying to keep the argument on point. I did call the one guy a clown, but in return offered him a mulligan for his dumb post. Pretty fair trade I thought.

And your "condescending, negative prick" comment is closer to what an ad hominen attack would be. You're offering to spar a guy from a forum? What's wrong with you? I'm not falling for it...I've heard of you San Fran guys, next think I know, a Peruvian neck-tie turns to you asking me to let you blow me.
ReX13- January 30, 2010 at 9:23 am

C'mon man, UFC Fan? Isn't that a tad bit harsh? Durden seems to be staying AWAY from ad hominem attacks, unlike some of the people trying to gang up on him. I'm not picking sides, and i'm not saying Durden's argument kung fu is greater, i'm just saying trying to dub him the new ultimate douche may be going too far.

Look, you're a fan of Jack Johnson. He's a fan of Chuck Palahniuk and/or David Fincher. OF COURSE you two are gonna disagree about stuff. But dammit, we are the Potato Nation, and most of us can be civil. Can't we all just get along?

I don't know, man, fuck. Whatever.
BananaPancakes- January 30, 2010 at 1:13 am

You are smart enough but your ad hominem attacks make your our new.... UFC FAN. Congrats, you condescending negative prick. Oh yeah I'm in San Francisco if you ever want to set up a sparring match. Let's make it happen.
Randy Pan- January 30, 2010 at 12:32 am
This fight will be badass. Nick Diaz is hilarious. I hope he fucks up Zaromskis.
orlandomac- January 29, 2010 at 11:02 pm
I agree with T_Durden..

he is peril/paranoid and probably has a serious case of the munchies.. he is probably looking at a snack machine behind the camera and watching everyone else stealing all the primo junk.

All his arguments are partially retarded.

He talks about how it is in the real world. Let me tell you Nick in the real world when a powerful guy picks up a taller scrawny fighter and slams him to the ground he probably will never fight again. I know I slammed a dude on the mats.. he never fought again... fortunately besides the recurring back pains.. he can still walk.
In the real world slams finish fights, that is why they have value in the cage.

Pitter patter in the real world doesn't finish fights and should be worth squat. He even stated my brother wasn't stupid he wasn't trying to finish the fight he was just trying to touch him more.

Like you Nick your brother smoked himself stupid and is moving up to welterweight to get KTFO.. can't wait.. I would love to see Thiago Alves destroy him.

As for the majority defending him it is all a case of wanting him on the cover of High Times. Strikeforce really dropped the ball.. putting him as the main event.. what does that say to everyone around the globe. Doesn't matter if you cheat we support you. Weed is cheating as much as pain killers are, and any other product that is banned for illegal use.

I had one pot head try to convince me that cocaine was cheating but weed wasn't. One gets you hyped and another helps with pain and relaxation.. duhhh.. if you feel no pain.. how many times do you get punched in the face before the tree falls in the forest.

Ariel deserves a Pulitzer for this interview, or at least one of those shiny medals like a cross for heroes in battle.
BananaPancakes- January 29, 2010 at 9:39 pm

His point was that wrestlers get on top and don't do any damage yet still score points. He thinks that the rules unfairly benefit wrestlers, and in a fight simply taking someone down is about as threatening as some of the punches that Diaz throws.
bradsucks- January 29, 2010 at 8:14 pm
This is a work of art. I want to set this to music.

Diaz's performance is brilliant, intentional or no. I like how he starts off super grumpy and contrarian but gradually as conversation turns to topics he's obviously interested in he opens up and gets more animated and we start to see what's probably the real Diaz.

Also can I say Helwani is awesome? Dude needs an award for how fucking pro he is.
P2- January 29, 2010 at 7:33 pm
It happens everytime! You eat some mushrooms, go for a walk, and just when they start to kick in some dude runs up to you with a microphone and starts asking you all these questions! Same thing at Denny's: what kind of juice do you want, how would you like your eggs cooked? I DON'T KNOW! LEEMEE ALONE!!!
510koaLa- January 29, 2010 at 7:23 pm
@intercept440, comedy
510koaLa- January 29, 2010 at 7:21 pm
"man you kno i dont kno you kno, i mean you kno? heh you kno wat i mean i dont kno watever you kno?" if i didnt kno any better id say that nick diaz uses drugs...
CYNIC- January 29, 2010 at 6:43 pm
@ BirdMan

In the drug commercial...its a chick, but whatever. don't mean to nit pick. And id totally do her.
intercept440- January 29, 2010 at 6:20 pm
First off people i dont think he is high... to me he seems nervous as fuck.... nervous as in : " shit man, i just sold a half pound of chronic to that dude over there and he aint gone , and now im blindisided by this fucking tool helwani...."

*looks over his shoulder for the umpteenth time* "fuck that dude is still there , muther fucker probabaly a cop, how the fuck do i get helwani off my ass so i can get the fuck out of here"..........

*looks over his shoulder again* (thinking to himself God dammint helwani shut the fuck up or i will tear your cock off and feed it to you) but actually says " uhh yea man i dont know ya know .. i dont know ....fuck man...

thinking to himself : i gots to get the fuck out of here
T_Durden- January 29, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Ahhh....well done. An early contender for comment of the week. Your lack of wit, and maturity level is classic. Spoken like a true Nick Diaz fan!
Seoul Brother- January 29, 2010 at 5:24 pm
In the words of Thurgood Jenkins, "Man you done smoked yourself retarded!"