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The 10 Worst Commentary Moments in MMA History

#10: Frank Trigg‘s stunned disbelief
Affliction: Banned, 7/19/08

It’s not that Trigg’s reaction when Fedor started landing bombs on Tim was inappropriate; in fact, this was pretty much how we reacted during the fight. But when you’re being paid actual money to give insightful commentary about a sporting event, the viewers at home deserve a little better than ”OH! OH-HO! OH-HO! OH-HO-NO-HO! OH!” Especially when you consider that this is a recurring trend with Trigg — when crazy shit goes down, the eloquence-train flies off the tracks, so to speak.

#9: Mike Goldberg tells us how precise Anderson Silva‘s precision is

The answer: Really. It’s really precise. Man, sometimes Mike is better off keeping his mouth shut until it’s time to ask Joe Rogan whether or not a fighter’s arm is in trouble. By the way, if you can watch that video for all ten minutes, we’ll send you a t-shirt.

#8: Kimbo Slice fails third-grade geography
K-1′s World Grand Prix 2008 Final, 12/6/08

(Unfortunately, we couldn’t find a working video of this moment. Hopefully this Esther Lin/Lolcats mashup will be sufficient.)

Okay, give Kimbo a break. The man was extremely jet-lagged, and he clearly meant “the prefecture of Japan known as Kanagawa, which has Yokohama as its capital, where we are right now.” It’s not like he asked co-commentator Michael Schiavello what the fuck up with all the Chinese people in the building. That would have been embarrassing. And speaking of which…

#7: Michael Schiavello knows two things for sure

Michael “The Voice” Schiavello’s jarring metaphors and one-liners during K-1, K-1 Dynamite!!, and DREAM broadcasts make Mauro Ranallo look halfway-sane by comparison. The batshit Australian’s website includes a list of his “best” moments, and they’re all terrible. For example:

“Two things I know for sure: We will never beat Amy Winehouse in a drinking contest, and Texeira definitely won that fight.”
“There are two things I know for sure: Britney Spears will never win Mother of The Year and Albert Kraus didn’t win that fight!”

Wow, you’re so hip, Mike! Your children must think you’re the coolest!

#6: Bill Goldberg wishes you would learn the language
EliteXC: The Return of the King, 6/14/08

There’s no getting around it — Bill Goldberg is an asshole. That fact was always apparent when he physically dragged fighters to the center of the cage for post-fight interviews during Showtime’s EliteXC broadcasts, and it was particularly clear after Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante‘s first-round TKO win over Wayne Cole at “Return of the King.” Clearly bothered by the fact that Feijao isn’t a native English speaker, Goldberg says “We’re gonna look at the replay…I would ask you to talk me through it but your English isn’t the best, so we’ll just watch it at the same time.” GIVE THIS MAN AN EMMY. Luckily, Feijao diffuses the awkward moment by shrugging off the diss and walking Goldberg through the replay anyway. Honorable mention: Goldberg tells Phil Baroni that he’s circumcised. Good to know.

#5: Mauro Ranallo keeps it classy
EliteXC: Uprising, 9/15/07

Here’s another awful commentary moment involving Bill Goldberg, though the lunkheaded pro-wrestler is merely the straight-man this time. Skip to the 3:29 mark of the above video for this cringe-worthy exchange during EliteXC: Uprising’s Gina Carano/Tonya Evinger scrap:

Ranallo: “At the press conference…Evinger said ‘I’d rather make out with Gina Carano, but instead I’m going to have to knock her out’.”
Goldberg: “And I’m not going to touch that one with a 25-foot pole, Mauro.”
Ranallo: “I’d like to touch it with a 25-centimeter one, but instead we’ll just call the fight.”

Damn it, Mauro — women are not just your playthings! Though considering some of the other stories we’ve heard about Ranallo, this little bit of on-air sexual harassment wasn’t that surprising.

#4: Bill Wallace introduces a new sport to America like a total professional
UFC 1, 11/12/93

“Hello ladies and gentlemen, you are about to see something that you have never seen before. The Ultimate Fighting Challenge. Hello, I’m Bill Wallace, and welcome to McNichols Ar[burps], ‘scuse me, McNichols Arena…”

It’s a miracle that the Ultimate Fighting Championship — yes, Championship, not Challenge — even survived the commentary nightmare-team of Bill “Superfoot” Wallace, Jim Brown, and Kathy Long at UFC 1. The entire video above is worth watching, but we can’t get over the fact that Wallace actually burped through the intro. (Were the nachos and root beer two minutes before airtime really necessary?) Little-known bit of UFC trivia: Rorion Gracie invented the phrase “act like you’ve been there before” that night, while chewing Bill out backstage.

#3: Gus Johnson sells it a little too hard
EliteXC: Heat, 10/4/08

When Ken Shamrock suspiciously dropped out of his fight against Kimbo Slice at EliteXC’s fateful final event, many fans thought Kimbo would be in serious trouble against the fairly-legitimate Seth Petruzelli, who he hadn’t prepared for. Announcer Gus Johnson was not one of those people. In his eyes, Kimbo was indestructible — a real-life Clubber Lang — and defeating him would represent a monumental achivement. So when it actually happened, he responded accordingly: “ROCKY! ROCKY IS HERE! SETH PETRUZELLI SHOCKS THE WORLD!” And then, a line that will hopefully haunt Gus for the rest of his broadcasting career: “THE MOST INCREDIBLE VICTORY IN THE HISTORY OF MIXED MARTIAL ARTS!” Maybe if the sport’s history began that afternoon, you could possibly make that argument. But in reality, Johnson just came off as an ill-informed blowhard noob.

#2: Scott Ferrall’s aural assault
YAMMA Pit Fighting 1, 4/11/08

We really wish we could find the highlight-video of this, but the Internet seems to have swallowed it in anger. But basically, Scott Ferrall — who’s a radio host despite having the most horrendous-sounding voice in human history — was booked as the ring announcer for YAMMA’s ill-fated first/last event. Not only was he a pain to listen to, but his introductions made absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. For example:

— ”Kevin Mulhall will be our referee for this beautiful matchup of warriors and freaks ready to pound and dance…”

— “And here he is, fight-fans, you love him, you know him, you’re used to the bridge that comes from the big 6’4″, 264 pounds of thick, bringin’ it hard leverage, 27-8-and 0…”

— “Here we are, after the tournament and 2 victories apiece for these badasses and warriors, ready for the heavyweight title and grabbing that YAMMA Pit belt, the strap-on. This is what it’s all about at the Taj, Are you ready to dance, shake it oooohhhh?”

It went on like this, all night. The inclined YAMMA pit was supposed to be the future of MMA — and a man with throat cancer and dementia was supposed to be the future of MMA ring announcing. Makes you appreciate Bruce Buffer just a little bit more, huh?

#1 (87-way tie): Everything Tito Ortiz said during Affliction: Day of Reckoning

Let us tell you how we’re feeling right now — Tito Ortiz was the worst thing to ever happen to MMA commentary. Every time he opened his mouth during January’s Day of Reckoning broadcast, the world got a little stupider. For a refresher course on his disastrous performance, read this roundup of his quotes, or just watch the funky music video above (highlights start at the 1:43 mark). “I want to tell me what you see, let’s go ahead and see by the fight, what you saw, in the ring.” Seriously, bro? You couldn’t think of an easier way to say that? Even Jesse and Journey Jett are more articulate than you at this point. Let’s hope they’re not going to be home-schooled, by the way…

Did we miss any good ones? Let us know in the comments section!

Cagepotato Comments

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CheckHisPee- February 8, 2010 at 6:44 pm
@everyone who ACTUALLY watched all 10min of "precise/precision",

Please join FightPicker, someone's gotta water-down the competition.
Clanggedin- April 22, 2009 at 10:04 am
One of my favorites was Joe Rogan saying "A Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Blackbelt has a Blackbelt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu". No Shit Sherlock!
BdawgKildYa- April 2, 2009 at 9:30 am
I watched the whole ten minutes. My well deserved T-shirt please?
Edith- April 1, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I seem to remember an old Dan Severn fight where the UFC announcer proclaimed that Dan had "a lot of sex", which he immediately replaced with the slightly less Freudian "success". Mmmm...success!
moo moo- March 31, 2009 at 11:20 pm
i feel ripped off i watched all that shit and got no t-shirt i got no job u cant tease ppl like that a free shirt woulda made my world!!!
Andre's Pee Pee- March 31, 2009 at 9:47 pm
GD that Tito video is a classic. From the Camel getting It's hamms splacked to the MMA fighter taking punches straight to the balls. Freaking A++++
Johnny Farnham- March 31, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I'm glad everyone else noticed Gus Johnson's gaffe. When I first heard him say "THE MOST INCREDIBLE VICTORY IN THE HISTORY OF MIXED MARTIAL ARTS!" I cringed. It made me like the UFC even more.
Bill C.- March 31, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Okay, I watched the entire Goldberg video, much to the detriment of my IQ and brain cells. I'm eagerly awaiting my Hall of Fame T-shirt, size large.
slapjaw ackrite- March 31, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Joe Rogan's rape choke comment was one of the best ever. His moment of steaming shitness was the badonkadonk comment he made about Tyson Griffin.
BeaverLord- March 31, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I watched all ten minutes. I have new found respect for Joe Rogan being able to stand next to Mike for ten minutes while he was saying that.
The Harvester- March 31, 2009 at 3:26 pm
hahaha william shatner in that last video is fucking hilarious.. wtf is that from?
"he bleaches his hair, which makes him original because I believe he is a LATINO.."
haha wtf was that?
Sammich- March 31, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I dont know how you are going to send out that many t-shirts, but I too put myself through the ninth layer of hell with that video, Dante was an uninformed prick.

I also learned a few things about myself and what I will put myself through to gain a free t-shirt.
Ronin- March 31, 2009 at 2:28 pm
When Rogan said "RAPE CHOKE" that was the worst comment ever, all the others are not even close.
just a fight fan- March 31, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Tito Ortiz commentary is the reason MMA is still outlawed in NY. Such brutality cannot be allowed.
Painturtle- March 31, 2009 at 1:19 pm
oh lord, was that the hardest ten minutes of my life. I better get the damn t-shirt.
Dex- March 31, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Dana made a good catch there at the end w/ that chair.

Dex- March 31, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Tito, 136 years old LOL! That was a great line.

Beatingu- March 31, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I watched all of these videos and had a great laugh, holyfuck! Some fantastic editing. TIto + Mic = LAWLFACE
doctor satan- March 31, 2009 at 12:45 pm
i literally said "what the fuck" and turned off the Mike Goldberg (there are 2 Goldbergs and they both suck ass) video at exactly the 0:14 mark
BigCityNights- March 31, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I never want to hear the words precise or precision again. I think I have an ear infection after 10 minutes of that. Goldberg literally gave me an ear infection.
Rich S.- March 31, 2009 at 12:02 pm

really? not Serra ko'ing GSP for the first time ever and the WW title? not GG knocking out CC with his own move? not Rashad ko'ing Chuck? But Seth Petruzelli knocking out Kimbo Slice?

fuck me.

Didn't they say that when Kala Kalohe beat the shit out of Phil Baroni too? I distinctly remember hearing them say that was one of the greatest upsets in recent MMA history..

If you didn't see that ending coming, you're just weird.
Knightrida- March 31, 2009 at 11:58 am
Some of the most legendary MMA comments were born that night of Affliction. We should all be thankful for that.

Add "how tastes my pee-pee" and "cheeto," and we've got ourselves jokes for life.
Anonymous- March 31, 2009 at 11:31 am
I did the ten min. I'm so glad it is over now.
crash- March 31, 2009 at 11:26 am
Gus Johnson kills me. I love it when he does NCAA games. If it is at all close down the stretch do yourself a favor and record it. He always keeps you entertained.
Anonymous- March 31, 2009 at 11:24 am
the mike goldberg video should be considered Chinese tourture.