(Most realistic wax sculpture ever?)

Depending on how many times you’ve been hit in the head lately, you may or may not remember the brief, but furious little dust-up about Sean Salmon’s claim that he had allowed himself to be armbarred in a fight this past June in order to avoid damage and keep his job as a Wolfslair sparring partner.  The way we saw it, Salmon admitted to quitting in the fight, not throwing it, and he was guilty of nothing more than screwed up priorities and extremely bad judgment.  The Ohio State Athletic Commission decided it was a little more serious than that, and they suspended Salmon for a year and fined him $2,500 for his transgression.

Fortunately for Salmon the suspension is retroactive to the date of the fight, so he’ll be eligible to compete again in June of 2010, but the damage to his reputation may last much longer than that.  The punishment seems extreme, particularly when you consider that Salmon really only hurt himself by both giving up on the fight and then telling the entire MMA world about it.  Had he just taken the loss as learning experience and not written a column offering up an excuse for it, this wouldn’t have been necessary. 

The trouble is, Salmon’s hearing in front of the Ohio commission was on October 14, and three days later he headed to Helsinki, where he beat former Pride fighter Yuki Sasaki via decision.  So basically he has already violated his suspension.  And Ohio is not pleased.  Said Ohio Athletic Commission executive director Bernie Profato:

"To me, it’s like showing the MMA world he has no remorse for what he’s done.  It’s like being found guilty of a bank robbery and then robbing the 7-11 down the street. It’s almost the same thing.”

 I’m not quite sure if a fight against Alan Weickert in Ohio is to a bank as a fight with Yuki Sasaki in Helsinki is to a 7-11.  Seems more like robbing a Domino’s Pizza and then stealing lumber from a construction site, but I get the point.  Salmon screwed up.  Again.  Almost immediately after being punished for his previous screw-up.  Maybe what Salmon needs is someone else to make all his decisions for him.  A life coach, if you will.  And maybe that life coach can also ghost write any future columns he decides to publish, preventing any further bone-headed admissions of guilt and cleaning up his grammar along the way. 

Basically what I’m saying is, give us a call, Sean.  We can help.  Or at very least we can screw up your life in a more hilarious fashion.  Probably the second one, but I think we can all agree that some kind of change is in order here.