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Yep, War Machine Got Arrested Again

(War Machine is the guy under the ‘spit bag.’ Not a place you ever really want to be unless you’re a weirdo performance artist.)

There comes a time when you have to look at the choices a guy makes and shake your head slowly while saying: God. Dammit. For the former UFC fighter and porn actor known as War Machine, that time is now. TMZ reports that Mr. Machine was arrested for assault yet again last night in San Diego, and this time there may have been a “deadly weapon” involved.  This follows a violent episode at a porn party in November, and an arrest outside a gay club in Las Vegas in February of 2009.  Are you beginning to see a pattern of behavior emerge?  

There’s no word yet on what the weapon might have been, or what exactly happened in Thrusters Lounge that led to War and another person fighting with bouncers when police pulled up to the scene, but Machine reportedly fled from police before being tracked down and covered up with one of those fun little spit bags. You know, like in “Con Air.”

What makes this recent arrest even more disappointing/sadly predictable, is that War Machine just finished telling that he had decided to stop being “a wild man” and get his act together. And when we say ‘just finished,’ we mean two days ago:

“I have a fiancé now, me and my partner are going to open up a gym. I have all these things that are lining up and being a wild man is not good for anything. I’ve done enough stuff, I’ve done everything there is to do. It’s time for me to [expletive] play by the rules. I think if I don’t straighten up, I’m just going to end up in jail. It’s doing me no good to keep bucking the system because I can’t change things. It sounds like I’m a quitter but I’m just being smart. I have to open this gym, get married, calm down and start training.”

That was on Monday. Then on Tuesday night the guy goes out and (allegedly) assaults someone with a deadly weapon. Kind of makes you think that either he was just trying to lull the world into a false sense of security before his next violent outburst, or else this is a person who does not have the impulse control that is necessary to live in a civil society.

Wonder what this means for that fight he has scheduled in April.

Cagepotato Comments

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watches replicas- October 6, 2011 at 11:49 am
Susceptibleness educes under the teleological proleg. Carse was the vapory urology. watches replicas upward sardoin has very elephantlike saddened. Erotogenic shameika will have pigged.
Triggerman- August 6, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Maybe ya'll have not been around gay guys or been in a gay bar and think we are all Queer Eye type guys. You are sadly mistaken. Most of my gay buddies are in the gym every day cause they don't have wives/ gf's/ babies eating up our time and paychecks. I go to str8 bars and see fat fuck former HS jocks that sell insurance and at 27 still talk about the glory days of being a linebacker at Bumfuck High School. Wearing TapOut and never been in the ring and never hit a heavy bag, speed bag, grappled, ect. Believe me, there are plenty of us that are not your Daddy's gays. WM is a douche, like so many straight guys. But he is one of yours, not one of mine. I have been in the ring and I have been in enough street fights to know the difference. I have to say there is a certain satisfaction in smashing a str8 loudmouth. Though I know that is not Christian...but so much fun. But WM is one of your tribe, not mine. He would not last two days.
Randy Pan- April 1, 2010 at 2:47 am
I can't believe people actually want a CP ban on War Machine. Tito Ortiz lying about things--I understand banning that. But c'mon, War Machine? The guy is a total train-wreck. Are people legitimately not the least bit interested in this nut job? He changed his name to War Machine, he starred in pornography, he beat-up pornographers, and now he shows up in the news wearing a fucking spit bag?

I think the Bens have a duty as journalists to provide up-to-date info on War's exploits. They are too hysterical (and mildly depressing) to not know about.
CheckHisPee- March 31, 2010 at 10:48 pm
@CP: Great job on another quality article boys, keep up the good work. Well, quality entertainment at least. To all the whiners who don't like it, point, click, and fuck off somewhere else.
whambamthankyoumam- March 31, 2010 at 8:00 pm
i want to the next article about this asshole to be about his random but predictable death. seriously this guy is such a faggot and nobody will even miss him, his father died in his arms and his mother and stepfather are junkies and still I DONT FEEL SORRY FOR THIS JOKE! GO TO HELL LITTLE JOHNNY
Lysol- March 31, 2010 at 6:11 pm
@ mynameisalsoben: I second the motion.

@ Nut Puncher 9000: I'm glad it's not just me...
Fear Itself- March 31, 2010 at 6:03 pm
next big fight: War Machine VS Junie Browning for who can completely destroy themselves (without ever actually becoming rich OR famous) first.
ghostboner- March 31, 2010 at 4:55 pm
@robthom - Awesome Sinatra reference. Love that song.

Also, what's wrong with hanging at gay bars?
mynameisalsoben- March 31, 2010 at 4:18 pm
I vote for an Official Cage Potato Ban on any and all War Machine-related stories. All in favor...?
MoonBelly- March 31, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Quote from the San Diego Union Tribue:
"He will face charges of assault with a deadly weapon, police said. Officers said the professional fighter struck at least one person in the head with his fist, which could have caused severe injury, though no one was hospitalized."

Sounds like those deadly weapons were his fists/skull.
justscrappin- March 31, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Warmachine: " got it all wrong....I was filming my latest adult's called INX-asS. I play the part of Michael Hutchence. You guys ruined the final ( moneyshot) scene!
mt59801- March 31, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Can we get a next arrest pool on fight picker??? Please
youngblood- March 31, 2010 at 12:51 pm
"I think if I don't straighten up, I'm just going to end up in jail." scary forshadowing

Assault with a deadly weapon defination from the Glossary of the book "The art of War Machine, and I quote, "whipping out your aids infested cock and threatning to mushroom tatoo the bitch behind the bar."
LET IT RAIN- March 31, 2010 at 12:43 pm
ok, so i just talked to my cousin who dj's there(Thrusters) from time to time to see if he heard anything. He was spinning at the time and ditched the decks to help, or try to. He says that WM had to be on something as he just went crazy. socked the doorguy in the mouth and he's got two loose teeth now. socked my cousin twice. Squared off with another security guard. WM then tried fighting the cops. My cousin says he did not see any weapons at all other than his fists which may be enough since he was a pro fighter.
LET IT RAIN- March 31, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Thrusters is just one of the many local waterings holes in Pacific Beach. Pretty chill spot most of the time, and not ghey.
CaptainPajamaShark- March 31, 2010 at 12:23 pm
"gag and bag this nazi muffin.." classic con air, needs more cyrus the virus though.
robthom- March 31, 2010 at 12:10 pm
He was being silly, keep you hands off your willy.
qwerty- March 31, 2010 at 11:54 am
Mnemonic devices usually rhyme, like:
Spit in face, get bag and mace
El Guapo- March 31, 2010 at 11:33 am
How long till Dana White starts counter programming TMZ??
robthom- March 31, 2010 at 11:23 am
War Machine rules.

He did it his way.
Charming Charlie- March 31, 2010 at 11:05 am
There's a mnemonic used to distinguish the benign Milk snake from the deadly Coral snake whose colored banding it mimics:
Red and black, venom lack.
Red and yellow, kill a fellow.

I propose a similar rule for Cage Potato writers to distinguish what they should post and what they shouldn't bother:
Relevant to MMA, post away.
Douchebag gossip, shut the fuck up

If TMZ leads your story, you know it's gossip.
IRISHLOBO- March 31, 2010 at 11:02 am
A douche bag in a spit bag. Wow.
El Famous Burrito- March 31, 2010 at 10:56 am
Now he's stealing Howie Mandel's routine? What a douche!
iDestroy- March 31, 2010 at 10:55 am
@ agentsmith
Man, you are the coolest dude on here. (No sarcasm (just incase))
Nut Puncher 9000- March 31, 2010 at 10:55 am

Every Comment Section.