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You Gotta Be Sh*ttin’ Me Alert: Brains Behind ‘Felony Fights’ Set to Launch ‘Cage vs. Cons’

(*… sigh … * VideoProps: Baller … we guess)

Seriously you guys, how many patently bad ideas can the mixed martial arts industry possibly support before it collapses inward on itself like a dying star? Answer: At least one more.

Props to the boys at for pulling our coat to this thing, which frankly sounds like the worst proposal since Nick Cannon married Mariah Carey. It seems a couple of impresarios previously responsible for a video series called “Felony Fights” – which reportedly pits recently released prisoners against each other in what we can only imagine are incredibly gripping no rules fights – are bringing their singular promotional talents to MMA with an event called “Cage vs. Cons,”  … and yeah, it’s exactly what you think it is: Professional MMA fighters battling ex-cons inside the cage.

No, we’re not making this up.

Promoters Danny and Michael, who – you guessed it — are identified in an interview with only by their first names and each’s nom de plume (“Zodiac” for Danny, “Solo” for Michael) have gone as far as to produce the fairly slick little video vignette for the event which you see at top. Unfortunately, the production values of said video make it seem like these guys are scarily serious and possibly capable of actually making this little venture become reality. Fortunately for the rest of civilized society, there are also still a few hurdles in their way: They haven’t disclosed an exact date (they’re shooting for Oct. or Nov.) or venue and still plan to try to get  the show sanctioned by a state athletic commission. [Editor’s Note: Good luck with that.]

The pair describes their vision for “Cage vs. Cons” as “a legit MMA event” and advertise the involvement of actor/professional wrestler Thomas “Tiny” Lister as its host as well as “Big” John McCarthy as referee. The homies Zodiac and Solo say they decided to take their promotional tag team “to the next level” because they feel they’ve pushed the “Felony Fights” brand as far as it can go. Next stop: MMA.

Here – along with some bracketed annotations from CP — is how Zodiac explains it:

"Felony Fights is pretty extreme and savage,” he says. “All the fights is dudes outta prison.  They get out and they get down with no gloves on, no rules.  [Ed. Note: That sounds super.] We can only go so far with Felony Fights. [Ed. Note: No, really?] There’s a lot of legalities. [Ed. Note: We never would’ve guessed.] There’s a lot of different factors as to why Felony Fights can’t be on TV or a normal cable network. Because of that, now we’re doing something more TV-friendly for all the viewers … for everybody pretty much."

BallerStatus reports “Cage vs Cons” will “be unlike anything you’ve seen” because “much like WWE wrestling” it will give fans “the opportunity to see the storyline and background behind each fighter.”

"UFC is bigger than boxing now,” Zodiac says. “Everybody watches it. It’s entertaining, but the thing is, there’s not a lot of theme behind it. We’re the first ones to do cage fighting with a theme to it. [Ed. Note: Uh … no, you’re not. Not even close.] You get to know the fighters more on a one on one basis. It adds a prison element to it, the crime element to it, the gangster element to it. [Ed. Note: Oh, good.] You’re gonna have good convicts, you’re gonna have bad convicts …  good guys, bad guys. You’re gonna watch all this footage before about the fighter, and when they actually get into the ring, you’re gonna be rooting for one guy or the other, depending on which dude you dig. [Ed. Note: We’re not touching that one.] That’s what separates us from the UFC. It has a storyline to it, characters, personality." [Ed. Note: Dude. That’s not the only thing that separates you from the UFC.]

Still not convinced? How about a final word from …

“One of these fighters, for example, is a man named Straight Jacket. He’s an ex-con trying to make the leap into the MMA world. ‘He did a lot of years for stabbings, robberies, stuff like that. … some real crazy sh**. Now he’s rehabilitated. Now, he’s trying to make a change in his life. What better way to do it than through MMA fighting?’ Danny asks."

[Ed. Note: What better way indeed, Zodiac. What better way indeed.]

Cagepotato Comments

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Japanadian- August 1, 2010 at 10:08 am
saw my first felony fights..... 15 secs in, one guy is KO'd while the other guy is doing jumping knee drops onto his motionless opponents head. after 6 or 7 knee drops the "ref" decided he had enough.
hmmm sounds like great viewing for the public

Your Dumb- August 1, 2010 at 9:22 am
Ohhh!!!! I can't wait for Xarm for the Xcon!!!
BenTheMan- August 1, 2010 at 5:53 am
thats the kinda shit mma does not need.
Chri534.- August 1, 2010 at 2:03 am
Well shitbag, just remember that it's down the road, not across the street...

By the way, is this a new record for the number of Editor's notes in one article?
...Jesus, this makes me think you guys need to read what you're going to write out loud in front of Judge Judy before you post it.
shitbag- July 31, 2010 at 10:30 pm
My name is Shitbag, ok, SHITBAG, ok? So just think about that when someone like me of all people says this is a fucking stupid idea. Only in america, I'll be watching while I slit my wrists.
ccman- July 31, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Cyborg is so manly when she slammed tito she did it with her cock.

Cyborg is so manly the census classified her gender as a class of 2 with chuck norris
ccman- July 31, 2010 at 9:51 pm
I watched felony fights (some) and who in that twisted world could ever win fighting when they can't outweigh the opponent by 50 pounds? Instead of a bell to end rounds they will have to sound the riot horn or fire a shotgun in the air.

Plus who is gonna give them a license? Aside from jersey who can't discriminate against 79% of their population or cali who needs their votes?

And big john has not been reffing because most states took his ref licence when he went promotor... kinda a conflict, hence his on the waiting list in vegas to be re-instated. In cali he gave the commission each 20 bucks and a bag of weed and kept it.
NinJay- July 31, 2010 at 9:06 pm
After reading this I looked up these fights. While I watched quite a few, I feel pretty guilty because they are just savage and dumb. It's funny they mention Straight Jacket because he was one of the first people that popped up. A skin head with lines like "when I bit off my first nose". In the fight I watched he bit the other dude on the face.....that's what mma needs, right?

For your viewing "pleasure".

spermburger- July 31, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Nice one North.

I'd love to see;

Chris Leben vs. Chris Leben.
ghostboner- July 31, 2010 at 6:58 pm
I do. It is called "Every rap song ever made" by the group Cliche Rap Song.
petro- July 31, 2010 at 6:11 pm
does anyone know the name of the song in the vid?
fatbellyfrank- July 31, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Oh yeah baby nomnomnomnomnom, Boner you are one humanitarian muthafucka!
StinkFacer- July 31, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Nick Diaz is so gangster hed shoot a bullet....the fade.
ghostboner- July 31, 2010 at 5:36 pm
And the Nick Ring jokes are ended via a bucket of (charles) dick(en)s! Point for me!

FBF I promise when I invent this gun your face will be the first to be assaulted by Salma'a glorious beubs. I am so gangster, I might even empty the whole clip right up in your grille! Son!
StinkFacer- July 31, 2010 at 5:35 pm
jesus....even i draw a blank wit tito. i thought we were doing one liners, not 4 page essays.

fatbellyfrank- July 31, 2010 at 5:26 pm
I,ve got one , how about we go for Tito

Tito Ortiz is such a......fuck where do you start? to much material!
fatbellyfrank- July 31, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Cris Cyborg is so manly, she makes Phil Baroni look sissy
StinkFacer- July 31, 2010 at 5:17 pm
howabout we start on:

Cris Cyborg is so manly, Jan Finney is pregnant.

Cris Cyborg is so manly, Nick Ring would fuck her.

Cris Cyborg is so manly, shed fuck Nick Ring. From Behind.
fatbellyfrank- July 31, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Whoa Boner, throwin it out there for philosophical discussion, Oh and when you invent that gun, I volunteer to help you test it.
ghostboner- July 31, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Ha ha that could be a game show, "Will Nick Swallow It???"

Nick Ring is so gay that when dranokills tells him to eat a bucket of dicks his reply is (upon finishing) "Please sir, may I have some more?"
StinkFacer- July 31, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Nick Ring LOVES titties. On a pre-op transexual.
ghostboner- July 31, 2010 at 5:06 pm
@Stinkfacer - So what if I invent a gun that shoots out Salma Hayek's boobies and then blast Nick Ring in the face with it point blank? Will he swallow it?
fatbellyfrank- July 31, 2010 at 4:50 pm
In an effort to improve Jake Shieldzzzzzzzzz image, Bruce Buffer will now announce him as the "AYATOLLAH OF R..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Fuck, back to the drawing board
StinkFacer- July 31, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Jake Shields is to entertainment, as what an Omarosa Sex Tape is to an erection.
Almost North- July 31, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Jake "Too boring to go free, too rare to die" SHIIEEEEELLLLLDSSSS