(*… sigh … * VideoProps: Baller Status.com … we guess)
Seriously you guys, how many patently bad ideas can the mixed martial arts industry possibly support before it collapses inward on itself like a dying star? Answer: At least one more.
Props to the boys at MiddleEasy.com for pulling our coat to this thing, which frankly sounds like the worst proposal since Nick Cannon married Mariah Carey. It seems a couple of impresarios previously responsible for a video series called “Felony Fights” – which reportedly pits recently released prisoners against each other in what we can only imagine are incredibly gripping no rules fights – are bringing their singular promotional talents to MMA with an event called “Cage vs. Cons,” … and yeah, it’s exactly what you think it is: Professional MMA fighters battling ex-cons inside the cage.
No, we’re not making this up.
Promoters Danny and Michael, who – you guessed it — are identified in an interview with BallerStatus.com only by their first names and each’s nom de plume (“Zodiac” for Danny, “Solo” for Michael) have gone as far as to produce the fairly slick little video vignette for the event which you see at top. Unfortunately, the production values of said video make it seem like these guys are scarily serious and possibly capable of actually making this little venture become reality. Fortunately for the rest of civilized society, there are also still a few hurdles in their way: They haven’t disclosed an exact date (they’re shooting for Oct. or Nov.) or venue and still plan to try to get the show sanctioned by a state athletic commission. [Editor’s Note: Good luck with that.]
The pair describes their vision for “Cage vs. Cons” as “a legit MMA event” and advertise the involvement of actor/professional wrestler Thomas “Tiny” Lister as its host as well as “Big” John McCarthy as referee. The homies Zodiac and Solo say they decided to take their promotional tag team “to the next level” because they feel they’ve pushed the “Felony Fights” brand as far as it can go. Next stop: MMA.
Here – along with some bracketed annotations from CP — is how Zodiac explains it:
"Felony Fights is pretty extreme and savage,” he says. “All the fights is dudes outta prison. They get out and they get down with no gloves on, no rules. [Ed. Note: That sounds super.] We can only go so far with Felony Fights. [Ed. Note: No, really?] There’s a lot of legalities. [Ed. Note: We never would’ve guessed.] There’s a lot of different factors as to why Felony Fights can’t be on TV or a normal cable network. Because of that, now we’re doing something more TV-friendly for all the viewers … for everybody pretty much."
BallerStatus reports “Cage vs Cons” will “be unlike anything you’ve seen” because “much like WWE wrestling” it will give fans “the opportunity to see the storyline and background behind each fighter.”
"UFC is bigger than boxing now,” Zodiac says. “Everybody watches it. It’s entertaining, but the thing is, there’s not a lot of theme behind it. We’re the first ones to do cage fighting with a theme to it. [Ed. Note: Uh … no, you’re not. Not even close.] You get to know the fighters more on a one on one basis. It adds a prison element to it, the crime element to it, the gangster element to it. [Ed. Note: Oh, good.] You’re gonna have good convicts, you’re gonna have bad convicts … good guys, bad guys. You’re gonna watch all this footage before about the fighter, and when they actually get into the ring, you’re gonna be rooting for one guy or the other, depending on which dude you dig. [Ed. Note: We’re not touching that one.] That’s what separates us from the UFC. It has a storyline to it, characters, personality." [Ed. Note: Dude. That’s not the only thing that separates you from the UFC.]
Still not convinced? How about a final word from BallerStatus.com …
“One of these fighters, for example, is a man named Straight Jacket. He’s an ex-con trying to make the leap into the MMA world. ‘He did a lot of years for stabbings, robberies, stuff like that. … some real crazy sh**. Now he’s rehabilitated. Now, he’s trying to make a change in his life. What better way to do it than through MMA fighting?’ Danny asks."
[Ed. Note: What better way indeed, Zodiac. What better way indeed.]