‘Very Limited Number’ of UFC 83 Tickets Available to General Public

(“The first rule of Fight Club is to screw over as many fans as possible.”)

The UFC had originally planned to offer tickets to UFC 83: “Serra vs. St. Pierre 2″ in three installments — UFC Fight Club members would get the first crack at ‘em on 2/3, newsletter subscribers would get their opportunity today, and the rest would be released to Ticketmaster and the Bell Centre box office this Friday. Well, change of plans. Due to Fight Club members pouncing on the tix like a pack of sex-crazed wolverines, there are only a small amount tickets to the Montreal event remaining, and newsletter subscribers were informed this morning — via newsletter, ironically — that their newsletter-subscriber status don’t mean shit:

Due to incredible demand, nearly all of the tickets to UFC® 83: SERRA vs. ST-PIERRE 2 have been purchased by members of UFC® Fight Club in its exclusive presale which started on Sunday. Over 21,000 people will rock the Bell Centre on Saturday, April 19th, and the vast majority of them will be UFC® Fight Club members. The UFC® organization is honored to welcome so many of its most devoted fans to the event that night.

Because of the unprecedented size of this presale, the normal UFC® Newsletter Presale will not take place. The scheduled public onsale date for this event is this Friday, February 8 at 12pm ET. On that date and time, a very limited number of tickets will be released for sale via Ticketmaster and at the Bell Centre Box Office.

If you’re an average Joe Fanboy with no connections, good luck — eBay scalpers are currently listing the tickets for as much as $2,000 each. May they all get cancer of the A.I.D.S. of the leukemia of the eyes.

You know how bands on tour will sometimes add a concert date if demand in a particular city is especially high? I’m thinking that’s what the UFC should do — a three-night run at the Bell Centre. The entire card would be fought each night, with the fighters who win two out of three in their matchups getting the official “W” on their record. Fans would be treated to standards like “Mac Danzig’s rear-naked-choke” and “Rich Clementi’s nuts on opponent’s neck,” but occasionally the fighters would pull out an old, unexpected gem like “Matt Serra beats GSP by TKO.” I’m just spitballing, here — if you have a better idea, do share it.