Luke Cummo May Have Quietly Retired From Fighting, But He’s Still Full of Piss and [Organic Homeopathic] Vinegar

Luke Cummo

(“I’m actually going to use these shorts to brew tea with this afternoon.”)

If you’re like us, you sometimes stand while waiting for your coffee at Starbucks or or at the urinal of an all you can eat crab shack and ponder things like, “Why can’t CagePotato have a TV show” and “Whatever happened to Luke Cummo?”

Since PBS isn’t big on our brand of humor, the television thing likely won’t happen any time in the near future, but we can give you the 411 on Cummo.

Apparently the pre-Machida-era pee drinking fighter from TUF 2 retired without telling anyone and is planning on launching an organic fight clothing line.

“Yeah, [I retired]. I have a bum knee from when I was fifteen. Excess weight caused a bulge in the meniscus and the surgeon convinced my mom to get it cut out. That’s not an excuse,” the 3-4 UFC veteran told MMASucka recently. “I feel unbelievably fortunate to have been in the cage and made it out. If I was a gladiator, I would still be alive to tell the tale… like before my last fight when the photographer took my picture right before walking out into the arena. The flash burned a circle into my vision and it didn’t go away for a while.”

In case you’re wondering if the new age nutrition buff still enjoys things like coffee enemas and drinking his own piss, well as they say “old habits never change.” Apparently though,  they do evolve into something stranger and more disgusting.

“I had corrective surgery to repair a broken nose sustained in a professional fight at the beginning of my career. I was relatively young and went to the after-party instead of the hospital, then it was broken a couple of times since. Now I snort my urine whenever I can because it feels amazing, although its taking a while to get used to putting stuff up the nose,” Cummo said. “Right now I do about a half cup between the two nostrils. My left side is still blocked a little and takes some effort to get the liquid through. I still have months to go before being fully recovered. If I didn’t do what I do, I wouldn’t be as far along as I am- the surgery was in October.”

Something tells me that isn’t all Cummo, who was charged with DUI in 2007 (which is ironic considering that most homeopaths believe that alcohol is like poison to the body) has snorted.

Seriously, dude. You are snuffing piss into your sinuses to clean them out? I’d hate to hear what you brush your teeth with.

Cummo went on to explain why urine therapy works and after reading his explanation, it made even less sense to me.

Chemistry is limited in it’s scope because it doesn’t take into account the electromagnetic properties of all of life. Its part of an outdated paradigm that gave us things like aluminium smelted fluoride for our teeth and vaccinations. I don’t recommend either of those, to be clear,” Cummo explained, as if anybody besides the chicks with hairy armpits who refuse to wear deodorant and hang out at Whole Foods knows what the hell he is talking about.  “Next time you pee look closely at the stream and see the light coming from within the liquid. This is what animates you and should be conserved. Urine therapy is about conservation of one’s self and is so useful for treating all kinds of conditions, even tumours and blood sugar and digestive challenges. It can be applied externally as well.”

So let me get this straight, Cummo thinks that light comes from within his urine like he’s a Jedi and his penis is a lightsaber with healing powers. Now I’ve heard everything. It has nothing to do with the fact that it’s a semi-transparent liquid that light can shine through.
“I drink as much [piss] as I can as often as I can…Nothing can hydrate better than urine. YOURine can help clear ringworm in most cases as long as the cause is removed. Ringworm is a parasite fungus that eats dying tissue. 80% of the time people see the doctor its because of what’s going on in the intestine,” Cummo says before going on to  explain that piss has a relatively short shelf life. “The fresher, the better. For external use it can be stored overnight in a cool, dark place to potentiate. I put it in glass but wood, clay, crystal, and some metal is ok. 6 months stored urine becomes a powerful and wonderful evacuative.”

Evacuative, meaning it makes you puke? As in, when he wants to throw up he drinks six month old piss he’s saved in a jar? Hasn’t he ever heard of Ipecac?