The Top 10 Worst MMA Nicknames Ever
#10 (tie): Chris “The Polish Hammer” Horodecki, Peter “The Dutch Lumberjack” Aerts
Though it has a long, proud history, the nationality + noun combination is always a risky move when crafting a nickname. If it’s “The Polish ____” it can end up sounding like the setup to a joke. (i.e., “You hear the one about the Polish Hammer? They use it to pound fingernails.” Or something like that, but much funnier.) With any other nationality, like “The Dutch ____,” it can end up sounding like a deviant sex act. Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis gets a pass because hand grenades are badass.
Yes, he’s suspiciously well-built, and yes, “shark” almost sounds like “Sherk,” especially when delivered in a thick Yooper accent. The problem is, there’s no such thing as a “muscle shark.” Believe me, I’ve done the research.
Is it because his capillaries are all burst from chronic alcoholism or because he’s constantly getting punched in the face? I’m not sure I’d stake my reputation to either one.
#7: Elvis “The King of Rock N Rumble” Sinosic
Get it? It’s because his name is Elvis! And how effective is “Rock N Rumble” as a competitive martial art? Well, judging from his record, I’d put it somewhere between Kuialua and breakdance-fighting.
#6: Frank “Twinkle Toes” Trigg
I actually don’t have a problem with this. Frank’s a limp-wristed sissy, and he freely acknowledges it. He’s owning it, y’know?
#5 (tie): Brad “The Hillbilly Heartthrob” Imes, Eric “Ravishing Red” Schafer
If you reference your handsomeness in your nickname, not only are you a conceited douchebag, but you’re also neglecting your target audience. Do you know how many women watch MMA? Like, none. So who are you trying to seduce, exactly — that big lug on the other side of the cage? It’s very, very questionable, that’s all I’m saying. Bas “El Guapo” Rutten gets a pass because he’s Dutch and he chose a Spanish nickname, and whatever Bas does is aces in our book.
#4: Tamdan “The Barn Cat” McCrory
Sure, “The Barn Cat” is ridiculous, but you have to admit it’s a lot better than McCrory’s original nickname, “The Shed Pussy.”
Oh, for the love of God. As lame as this nickname is, you know that Waterman must have thought he was the cleverest dude on Earth when he came up with it. I’ve never seen Ron fight, but I can only assume that the announcer introduces him as “Ron, two molecules of Hydrogen reacting with one molecule of Oxygen Man, WATERmaaaaan!”
#2: Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz
This would be #1 if not for the fact that “The Naked Man” actually works from an intimidation standpoint. “Bill, good news, I got you a fight. It’s on March 25th against a greased-up nude Mexican. Three five-minute rounds, and…you there, Bill?”
#1: Vladimir “The Janitor” Matyushenko
No. Unacceptable. You can’t be an Eastern European immigrant and call yourself “The Janitor.” For future reference, these names are also off-limits: Maria “The Hotel Room Cleaner” Rodriguez, Jacob “The Penny Pincher” Steinberg, and Samir “The Convenience Store Clerk and Part-Time Customer Service Specialist” Patel.
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November 9th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
[…] Potato.com ranked its “Top 10 Worst MMA Nicknames Ever” in a recent blog and without question, they found some doozies. #5 (tie): Brad “The Hillbilly […]
November 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Am I crazy or does “HTwenty-Man” look like a young, short haired Terrence Gene Bollea?
November 12th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
lol, bella isnt the brightest light on the marque. it’s not “HTwenty-man” it’s H20MAN like H20 as in Water. seeing how his last name is waterman and he doesnt look like terrence gene bollea
November 22nd, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Why not “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy”? It’s a stage name for a stripper.
November 22nd, 2007 at 3:13 pm
how could they not mention Joe “J-Lo” Lauzon?????!?!?!?
that is a super faggoty nickname if i have EVER heard one…
November 22nd, 2007 at 3:26 pm
You are an idiot. Most of them are good nicknames. I would like to see your 10 best mma nicknames.
November 22nd, 2007 at 6:47 pm
I have not problem with Ravishing red
November 23rd, 2007 at 6:27 pm
“The Shed Pussy” nickname made me spit my water everywhere. That was a good laugh!
November 24th, 2007 at 4:03 am
Matt “the Terra” Serra is the worst nickname ever.. Unless we are talking about terra-ing something to keep him outta fighting Matt Hughes.
November 25th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
What about Rory Singer’s old nickname? Version 2.0? That was lame. Should have been on here, possibly even number 1.
November 29th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Hi, my name is disman-kl, i like your site and i ll be back
November 29th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
“J-lo” Lauzon should be up there. Jorge Ortiz just became my new favorite fighter.
November 30th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
this was hilarious! awesome site…
December 12th, 2007 at 1:44 am
Haha, you are correct, my nickname is terrible. But as a pastey, average-looking, ginger kid, I decided to make up a stupid nickname to have a little fun at a smaller show. It stuck, and now I am forced to keep the horrible moniker.
I nominate anyone called The “insert regional adjective” Assassin for their lack of originality.
December 24th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
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December 29th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Ravishing Red is a great nickname….you sir are a douche bag!
January 8th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Bella: hahaha wow i can’t believe no one is burying her for that comment. “htwenty”, come on!
January 15th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
This guy is just jealous.
January 24th, 2008 at 5:57 am
Muscle Shark…
how about steroid man or small balls.
February 12th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
In spanish “el guapo” also refers to a brave or tough man, when someone is courageous he will be called guapo.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
it is not 2 molecules of hydrogen reacting with one molecule of oxygen, they are atoms, not molecules