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Carano Watch: “Haywire” Fizzles, Nets Only $9 Million in Opening Weekend

(Kung Fu Panda, seen here at the Haywire premier. Just kidding Gina, you know we love you. Seriously, we fucking love you.) 

You see, Potato Nation? This is why we can’t have nice things. Continuing the decades-old trend of movie going audiences and critics having the exact opposite opinion of what correlates a decent film, the Gina Carano starring, Steven Soderbergh directed action thriller Haywire opened with a measly 9 million dollars. This, in a weekend that saw Underworld: Rise and Fall of Vamipirous Werewolves 3:The Awakening’s Resolution take in over 25 million and Marky Mark Action Movie #346 take in over 12 million.

Now, it is a well known fact that most movie studios save their biggest cinematic turds for January (this is the month that brought us Season of the Witch, people), but this has to be a disheartening, if not foreboding sign to Gina Carano 2.0, or whatever we refer to her as now that she isn’t actually fighting MMA anymore. Is it too early to write her off? Of course; that moment will come after one of us manages to get off our lazy asses and check out the movie. Shit, I still haven’t seen Warrior, and I watch a disturbing amount of movies.

As you’ve already heard, the critics thus far have praised Haywire for its stripped down feel and intense pace, scoring it an 82% on the Tomatometer. Audiences, on the other hand, have unanimously trounced Haywire, giving it a D+ on Cinemascore. These are the same audiences, mind you, that gave Transformers: Baygasm an A.

[*Pours first glass of scotch for the day.*] 

And could you guess which film achieved the lowest score on the Tomatometer and the highest on CinemaScore? That’s right, Underworld Colon Lycan Power 4. As a man with a near crippling latex fetish, I can slightly understand this, because no one rocks the tighty nighties better than Kate Beckinsale, but God dammit people, seriously?

The good news, if any, is that Haywire cost a mere 23 million dollars to make, and will likely earn its investment back, barring a huge second week drop ala The Devil Inside. And considering that Warrior only opened with 5 million dollars, Haywire could be looked at as a step in the right direction, right? I ask unto you, Potato Nation, has anyone actually seen this thing yet?


Cagepotato Comments

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NomadRip- January 25, 2012 at 6:50 am
After seeing Gina on Conan the other night, I realize how damaged she really is. I don't mean that to be a dick, 'cause I love the hell out of her. I just understand the talk of cutting scars on her arm and stuff now after watching that. A lot of the things she said and the way she acted.
Looking forward to watching the movie, and hope she does well whether she comes back to the cage, the acting thing takes off, or whatever else she does.
Todd M- January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm
@ Frozen Terry, Nice name welcome to the club you will fit in well here. I actually though Warrior was pretty good, the fight scenes and acting were legit, it sill had the classic Rocky underdog story and the inevitable brother vs brother fight but as far as a hollywood blockbuster goes it was a good watch.
KaneThePhoenix- January 23, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Yeah funny you mention that man. I used to LOVE watching that man wrestle. He always had a great personality. It is too bad about the way he passed away. He was a great performer.

The night he almost beat Paul Orndorff I was a happy little camper!
rampage01- January 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm
The movie bombed!
Mofo- January 23, 2012 at 2:13 pm
I respect the Junkyard Dog.
KaneThePhoenix- January 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I used to love watching wrestling when I was a kid. It never mattered that it was scripted. But why all the vitriol man? Some of the wrestlers are really athletic and I also respect the fact that they put their bodies on the line just to entertain people. It does NOT matter that it is scripted.
You should respect some of those guys, especially guys like Terry Funk or Mick Foley. They may not be "real" fighters but for the punishment they go through just to deliver a good product, you should respect them man. IMO.
RPS13- January 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm
intercept440 wins teh internets!
Get Off Me- January 23, 2012 at 12:34 pm
This movie lost me when I heard they had done voice over work for Gina....I could understand if it was Cyborg's movie but Gina?
Intercept440 for comment of the week if it's running this week.
BIGpun22- January 23, 2012 at 11:57 am
So pretty much what im reading is that it was "contraband" but with Gina instead of Marky mark....greattttttttt
Fried Taco- January 23, 2012 at 11:48 am
Actually, I'm waiting to watch it for when CP does a caption contest with the DVD as a prize.
WarpedAcorn- January 23, 2012 at 11:42 am
Contradicting what Mofo said, Warrior was really good. You should make time to watch it.
Mofo- January 23, 2012 at 11:33 am
Gina, I thinking about you baby.
Mofo- January 23, 2012 at 11:33 am
Warrior was a hot steaming pile of crap. Can't wait to subject myself to this pile too.
Watching Haywire will be like Gina giving me a Cleveland Steamer.
XENOPHON- January 23, 2012 at 11:27 am
SnackDaddy Says: _I with you_ As long as there is some trash talking. GRIN
IronClad- January 23, 2012 at 11:20 am
Gina is a hot fat chick. She needs the Dolce Diet, now.
TerryEtimFrozenNTime- January 23, 2012 at 11:08 am
Will definitely be getting the collectors edition of this. Anything to help pass the time until I'm unsuspended from my last knockout.
TheWarsawExpress- January 23, 2012 at 11:06 am
J-Dog- January 23, 2012 at 11:04 am
2nd hand review alert:
My buddy at work saw it and said it sucked. Specifically, he said it was slow for an action movie and that it had annoying action movie music running non-stop through the whole thing. That's just what I heard. Out.
Arianny Sylvia- January 23, 2012 at 10:59 am
Not a surprise at all. Kind of glad it tanked.

Now all you guys who like pretty tubby girls might see her in a cage again.

[I admit I've rubbed one out to her, but it was a picture of her at a weigh in tiny shorts, and she was a lot leaner.]
SnackDaddy- January 23, 2012 at 10:36 am
Who gives a flying fuck about all this? This place is beginning to look like a Gina Carano PR agency rather than an MMA site. Fuck me, lets get some Bisping/Sonnen trash talk rolling.
XENOPHON- January 23, 2012 at 10:32 am
$9 million on day one. Well that is surely more than her Strike Force premier with Cyborg, or the re-runs will ever make. I hope Hollywood keeps the beef cake employed for a few more years. She already look like a great replacement for Katerine Zeta-Jones.
And she will make a spokesperson for Jenny Graig down the road. If she needs a fashion tip, tell her to do her own hair. The make up artists, dress makers, and hair styles don't do this big mammoth broad or her fat gut any justice.
RwilsonR- January 23, 2012 at 10:32 am
Hey, some of us like a good Michael Bay film. There is something to be said for a movie where I can get drunk and just sit back and watch hot chicks in skimpy outfits running underneath two robots fighting to the death with random explosions going off in the background.
Keep your Film Studies snootiness to yourself, Danga. I'm sure your parents are real happy they financed that degree.
Ricardo Guitardo- January 23, 2012 at 10:24 am
This is why you can never take women too seriously because if whatever they are doing doesn't work out they always fall back to porn or being a hooker. I'm sure she will find some rich guy to pay the bills so she doesn't have to get punched in the face anymore.
Fried Taco- January 23, 2012 at 10:08 am
The popcorn was good, but the Icee was a little too syrupy.
Cheeseburger Eddie- January 23, 2012 at 9:57 am
I'm just excited to see her cast in whatever softcore "film" Skimemax throws her way.

Cut to scene- Gina is having trouble making weight (irony) and is relaxing in the steam room. Then Chris Cyborg comes in and fucks her.