(Kung Fu Panda, seen here at the Haywire premier. Just kidding Gina, you know we love you. Seriously, we fucking love you.)
You see, Potato Nation? This is why we can’t have nice things. Continuing the decades-old trend of movie going audiences and critics having the exact opposite opinion of what correlates a decent film, the Gina Carano starring, Steven Soderbergh directed action thriller Haywire opened with a measly 9 million dollars. This, in a weekend that saw Underworld: Rise and Fall of Vamipirous Werewolves 3:The Awakening’s Resolution take in over 25 million and Marky Mark Action Movie #346 take in over 12 million.
Now, it is a well known fact that most movie studios save their biggest cinematic turds for January (this is the month that brought us Season of the Witch, people), but this has to be a disheartening, if not foreboding sign to Gina Carano 2.0, or whatever we refer to her as now that she isn’t actually fighting MMA anymore. Is it too early to write her off? Of course; that moment will come after one of us manages to get off our lazy asses and check out the movie. Shit, I still haven’t seen Warrior, and I watch a disturbing amount of movies.
As you’ve already heard, the critics thus far have praised Haywire for its stripped down feel and intense pace, scoring it an 82% on the Tomatometer. Audiences, on the other hand, have unanimously trounced Haywire, giving it a D+ on Cinemascore. These are the same audiences, mind you, that gave Transformers: Baygasm an A.
[*Pours first glass of scotch for the day.*]
And could you guess which film achieved the lowest score on the Tomatometer and the highest on CinemaScore? That’s right, Underworld Colon Lycan Power 4. As a man with a near crippling latex fetish, I can slightly understand this, because no one rocks the tighty nighties better than Kate Beckinsale, but God dammit people, seriously?
The good news, if any, is that Haywire cost a mere 23 million dollars to make, and will likely earn its investment back, barring a huge second week drop ala The Devil Inside. And considering that Warrior only opened with 5 million dollars, Haywire could be looked at as a step in the right direction, right? I ask unto you, Potato Nation, has anyone actually seen this thing yet?
-Danga
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Comments
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:28
yea i saw it at seaworld, she does some pretty good acrobatics, but i hated when she splashed me with her tail
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:32
^[*Pours second glass of scotch, as the first has been spit all over computer screen.*]
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:33
I would love Gina to splash me.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:34
I wanted it to be good, but other than one fight scene, it just wasn't. Critics liked it because it wasn't insulting to your intelligence like most action movies, but it was just kind of dull.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:34
I thought the movie was pretty good. She's not the best actress but compared to Channing Tatum she definitely looked Oscar worthy.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:39
I want a scotch.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:42
i think the critical response is positive because these people are impressed with a woman doing "action guy" stuff. She gets in brutal fights, she commandeers vehicles in a terse manner, she drives really fast -- WOW THIS WOMAN IS THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE!! Then there's the movie target demo: people who have seen her actually fight people. The fake fights just aren't going to impress us. Or, critics are stupid (except Vince @FilmDrunk, what up, bro?). Your call.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:48
Personally, I tend to agree with film critics for the most part. If you want to read hilarious reviews by top notch writers, check out pajiba.com. What's left of Roger Ebert would approve.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:48
This movie failed for the same reason MMA fans don't watch WWE. We only care about real fighting, not the scripted shit.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:49
@intercept440, that was hilarious...
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:56
Ehh, it wasn't great, but a solid movie. I always go into movies not expecting much, so I'm not disappointed though. It seemed like what they were really going for was lack of special effects & sounds & focused on more realistic actions scenes, which it pulled off pretty well. Other than a foot chase scene that lasted like 5 minutes, it was entertaining. Seriously, it was just different camera angles of her pacing her breathing for the run.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 09:57
I'm just excited to see her cast in whatever softcore "film" Skimemax throws her way. Cut to scene- Gina is having trouble making weight (irony) and is relaxing in the steam room. Then Chris Cyborg comes in and fucks her.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 10:08
The popcorn was good, but the Icee was a little too syrupy.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 10:24
This is why you can never take women too seriously because if whatever they are doing doesn't work out they always fall back to porn or being a hooker. I'm sure she will find some rich guy to pay the bills so she doesn't have to get punched in the face anymore.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 10:32
Hey, some of us like a good Michael Bay film. There is something to be said for a movie where I can get drunk and just sit back and watch hot chicks in skimpy outfits running underneath two robots fighting to the death with random explosions going off in the background. Keep your Film Studies snootiness to yourself, Danga. I'm sure your parents are real happy they financed that degree.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 10:32
$9 million on day one. Well that is surely more than her Strike Force premier with Cyborg, or the re-runs will ever make. I hope Hollywood keeps the beef cake employed for a few more years. She already look like a great replacement for Katerine Zeta-Jones. . And she will make a spokesperson for Jenny Graig down the road. If she needs a fashion tip, tell her to do her own hair. The make up artists, dress makers, and hair styles don't do this big mammoth broad or her fat gut any justice.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 10:36
Who gives a flying fuck about all this? This place is beginning to look like a Gina Carano PR agency rather than an MMA site. Fuck me, lets get some Bisping/Sonnen trash talk rolling.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 10:59
Not a surprise at all. Kind of glad it tanked. Now all you guys who like pretty tubby girls might see her in a cage again. [I admit I've rubbed one out to her, but it was a picture of her at a weigh in tiny shorts, and she was a lot leaner.]
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:04
2nd hand review alert: My buddy at work saw it and said it sucked. Specifically, he said it was slow for an action movie and that it had annoying action movie music running non-stop through the whole thing. That's just what I heard. Out.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:06
BRING FORTH THE SONNEN v BISPING TRASH TALK!
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:08
Will definitely be getting the collectors edition of this. Anything to help pass the time until I'm unsuspended from my last knockout.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:20
Gina is a hot fat chick. She needs the Dolce Diet, now.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:27
SnackDaddy Says: _I with you_ As long as there is some trash talking. GRIN
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:33
Warrior was a hot steaming pile of crap. Can't wait to subject myself to this pile too. . Watching Haywire will be like Gina giving me a Cleveland Steamer.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:33
Gina, I thinking about you baby.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:42
Contradicting what Mofo said, Warrior was really good. You should make time to watch it.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:48
Actually, I'm waiting to watch it for when CP does a caption contest with the DVD as a prize.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 11:57
So pretty much what im reading is that it was "contraband" but with Gina instead of Marky mark....greattttttttt
Mon, 01/23/12 - 12:34
This movie lost me when I heard they had done voice over work for Gina....I could understand if it was Cyborg's movie but Gina? . Intercept440 for comment of the week if it's running this week.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 12:37
intercept440 wins teh internets!
Mon, 01/23/12 - 01:31
@Ani703 I used to love watching wrestling when I was a kid. It never mattered that it was scripted. But why all the vitriol man? Some of the wrestlers are really athletic and I also respect the fact that they put their bodies on the line just to entertain people. It does NOT matter that it is scripted. You should respect some of those guys, especially guys like Terry Funk or Mick Foley. They may not be "real" fighters but for the punishment they go through just to deliver a good product, you should respect them man. IMO.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 02:13
I respect the Junkyard Dog.
Mon, 01/23/12 - 03:24
The movie bombed!
Mon, 01/23/12 - 03:41
@Mofo Yeah funny you mention that man. I used to LOVE watching that man wrestle. He always had a great personality. It is too bad about the way he passed away. He was a great performer. The night he almost beat Paul Orndorff I was a happy little camper!
Mon, 01/23/12 - 10:27
@ Frozen Terry, Nice name welcome to the club you will fit in well here. I actually though Warrior was pretty good, the fight scenes and acting were legit, it sill had the classic Rocky underdog story and the inevitable brother vs brother fight but as far as a hollywood blockbuster goes it was a good watch.
Tue, 01/24/12 - 09:14
[...] Cage Potato: ‘Haywire’ fizzles at box office, nets only $9 million in opening weekend [...]
Wed, 01/25/12 - 06:50
After seeing Gina on Conan the other night, I realize how damaged she really is. I don't mean that to be a dick, 'cause I love the hell out of her. I just understand the talk of cutting scars on her arm and stuff now after watching that. A lot of the things she said and the way she acted. - Looking forward to watching the movie, and hope she does well whether she comes back to the cage, the acting thing takes off, or whatever else she does.
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