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Cursed From Birth: The Six Worst Draws for a UFC Debut

(Oh Kyle, if only you knew how ironic that tattoo is about to look.) 

There is a Russian proverb that roughly goes, “He that is afraid of bad luck will never know good.” And it is a rare bit of good sense from our Russki comrades; we should not live in fear of things beyond our control like luck, but rather have the confidence in ourselves to believe that our hard work will eventually pay off, be it in famefortune, or fiine women. But for every bit of good luck we have, some poor sap out there has a much, much worse day because of it. Like the Mortal Kombat tournaments, these gentlemen’s misfortunes are necessary to maintain the order between realms, so it is to these brave souls that we pay tribute.

We’re talking about those guys who just happened to be on the losing side of a future champion’s debut, or got crushed before they could even get their footing. We’re talking about guys who put their hearts and souls into a sport for years, only to have their debut in the sport’s highest promotion be overshadowed by someone that was just on another level.

So, without further ado, here are the six unluckiest sons of bitches that the UFC has ever seen.

#6 – Alex Soto

Who he drew: 20 year old bantamweight phenom Michael “Mayday” McDonald at UFC 139

How it went down: Let us start with the most recent. Before entering the octagon, Alex Soto was 6-0-1 over local to mid-level competition. Mcdonald, on the other hand, was a 13-1 fighter out of California that had split a pair of contests with former WEC featherweight champion Cole Escovedo, and had scored wins over legitimate UFC competition in Edwin Figueroa and Chris Cariaso. On paper, it was going to be a tough debut for Mr. Soto. In the flesh, it was actually much, much tougher.

McDonald swarmed Soto with a barrage of technically proficient and perfectly placed punches that had him looking for a way out early. And McDonald was kind enough to offer that way out, via Soto’s consciousness. Turns out, there wasn’t a mountain high enough, a valley low enough, or a river wide enough to keep McDonald from getting to Soto, and a series of particularly brutal uppercuts later sealed the deal. The end came just 56 seconds into the first round. Soto is more than likely still dusting out the cobwebs to this day, whereas Michael McDonald has taken up a career singing backup vocals for everyday conversations.

#5 – Kyle Bradley

Who he drew: Veteran slugger/Fighter’s fighter Chris “Light’s Out” Lytle at UFC 81

How it went down: We’re not sure exactly what happened back stage at UFC 81, but somewhere between the locker room and the octagon, Chris Lytle became temporarily possessed by the devil, specifically the one from End of Days. As soon as the bell rang, Lytle started swingin’ on Bradley like he had knocked up his innocent little girl and refused to call her back. Bradley was helpless to the onslaught, and fell into what CP reader JUDOknowSHIT would label “crybaby fetal position”, awaiting a merciful end. When referee Yves Lavigne dived in to save him, Kyle was so grateful that he pulled Yves close to offer him an extra special hug for his intervention. That, or Bradley was so out of it that he believed Lavigne to be the man reigning down the unholy punishment upon him in the first place. Either or.

Chris Lytle received the Knockout of the Night bonus for his 33 second effort, and placed it on the wall in his house that has more awards on it than Dr. Dre’s has platinum records. Bradley was given a second chance, and was similarly demolished by Joe Lauzon, who handled him steadily before submitting him early in the second round. But the Lousiana native was able to bounce back, sort of, scoring the fifth most controversial stoppage victory of all time over TUF 8 runner-up Phillipe Nover at UFC 98. Most people probably forgot about Bradley’s last fight in the UFC, a unanimous decision loss to lightweight prospect Rafael Dos Anjos back in January of 2010. Kyle has only fought two times since then – a TKO loss to TUF 14 contestant Marcus Brimage and a submission win over the 4-18 Edwynn Jones.

#4 – Brad Morris

Who he drew: Future (and now former) heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez at UFC 83

How it went down: You gotta feel sorry for Brad Morris. Before Cain Velasquez even made his UFC debut, people were touting him as the next big thing in the division, and rightfully so. Morris, on the other hand, was a 10-2 product out of Australia that was basically being used as a stepping stone for the future champ. And it was evident from the get-go, as Velasquez not only appeared visibly more comfortable under the bright lights than Morris, but was clearly the superior fighter. Before Morris could even get a rhythm going, Velasquez treated him to a storm of punches that had the Aussie slipping and stumbling around the octagon like a dog in the flatbed of a pickup. Morris was put out of his misery in just over 2 minutes of the first round.

Likely out of guilt for feeding him to the wolves, the UFC gave Morris a chance to redeem himself at UFN 15, where he would take on tough veteran Jason Brilz. Unfortunately, Morris would again suffer a TKO loss, this time in the second round. Morris has also only fought twice since his time in the octagon, dropping a first round submission to UFC vet Sao Palelei and a second round submission to Tony Lopez.

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Cagepotato Comments

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Kassuh- July 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Lucio Linhares deserves an honorable mention for sure. He drew Rousimar Palhares for his UFC debut (surprisingly lost by heel hook) and then had the chance to rebound by facing Yushin Okami (lost by doctor stoppage) before getting cut.
EmmaCay- March 28, 2012 at 12:56 pm
<a href="">p90x workout program</a> had done wonders for my husband and myself. I really enjoy working out. I hope when we finish the program my husband will look more like this guy.
Griz8WhiteHYPE- November 29, 2011 at 11:37 am
didn't think it was possible, but this place is now worse than bleacher report.

you know what we need? more useless top X lists.

come to think of it, they don't have access to UFC press row either.
J3t- November 29, 2011 at 10:31 am
No doubt Jizzle. That other ninja is a bitch anyway, I called him out for a fight and he backed out so now he just tries to diss me, it's really cute. He's a nice pussy =) I think him and Karma musta really bonded at the soup kitchen this Thanksgiving
jizzninja- November 29, 2011 at 8:56 am
hey ninja vanish, there's only room for one ninja here so fuck off. kim couture is a cunt...awesome name.j3t, keep up the good work. Karma, well you already know where you stand
MoTropolis- November 28, 2011 at 9:53 pm
"Zinovev would never fight again, instead choosing to pursue a career in body-guarding, probably because he figured there was no way that he could be worse at protecting other people’s bodies than he was at protecting his own."...that sentence alone made this article worth the read, not to mention the time it took to log in and write this shit. ah fuck, a captcha...this is exactly why I retired to the forums...
Kim Couture is a cunt- November 28, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Hi five dang, keep up the cool, obscure MMA shit I would never know about. Again good read ; )
dranokills- November 28, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Better cover your love sausage Karma, it looks like J3T is trying to suck it.
DangadaDang- November 28, 2011 at 9:06 pm
^Fair enough. And don't get me wrong, Kim Couture truly is a cunt.
Kim Couture is a cunt- November 28, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Other than that, good read. I enjoyed the article.
Kim Couture is a cunt- November 28, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Listen bud. Kim Couture is a money grabbing cunt that still is making money off Randy not to mention tarnishing MMA every time she steps in an octagon or ring. Plus I have had this handle for 4 years and she has done nothing but prove I was right. THAT SAID, you referenced a mans DAUGHTER for one and a young lady that is pre-pubescent. It was in bad taste and ignorant. Think about it if some some 2 bit hack wrote that about your daughter after you are one of the most respected dudes in the sport. That said bro, want to discuss this further PM me in the forums where I hang. You defending your self here is just gonna make you look worse.
DangadaDang- November 28, 2011 at 8:29 pm
^In what way was a harmless joke about his daughter ignorant? I am a HUGE Lytle fan, and said that he was whooping a dude's ass LIKE he had done something to his daughter. And considering your user name, I think your calling the kettle black.
Kim Couture is a cunt- November 28, 2011 at 7:15 pm
The comment about Lytles daughter was ignorant and I hope Lutle gives you a slap one day.
KarmaAteMyCat- November 28, 2011 at 6:33 pm
hey Danga loves the article just refering to J3T in my previous comment.
Rampages Conscience- November 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Good article, Danga. The comment section is really filling up with douchebags.
rpn452- November 28, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Of all these, I think I felt the most sorry for Rick Davis. You knew he was going to get badly KO'd just by looking at his haircut.
DangadaDang- November 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Come on Karma, you're gunna tell me that the whole barber shop scenario didn't even give you a chuckle?
KarmaAteMyCat- November 28, 2011 at 3:09 pm
What I wouldn't give for someone to ghost write you some new lines.
NinjaVanish- November 28, 2011 at 3:09 pm
J3t is the Dan Quinn of CP, a loud mouthed ignorant sheep only fit for message boards and youtube videos. Still talking shit about people's fighting ability then ducking them when they want you to put it on the line? Looks to be the case.

Melvin always gets guys making their promotional debut to fight, which sucks because he has like 35 pro fights and he is still fighting guys with half that many. When he loses to actually legit competition, the ufc feeds him 2 or 3 noobs then starts hyping him. He'll never be a contender, especially when he accuses people of drug use then himself drops dirty for coooccaaaaiiinnneeee.
skeletor- November 28, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Only Danga could take an article with a good premise and turn it this shitty.
Please quit trying and just go somewhere else Danga.
MKO- November 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Also, this:
a heavyweight feature that shouldn’t have even been approved by the athletic commission
DangadaDang- November 28, 2011 at 1:31 pm
He was actually one of the first people that came to mind when I started writing this. I decided not to include him because like you said, he beat that ass.
MKO- November 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Despite beating his ass, JDS deserves a mention for having to face Werdum

If memory serves right, I remember the liveblog saying something to the effect of "and he's walking out with Big Nog. At least someone knows who he is----HOLYSHIT!!"
WuTangClan- November 28, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Stop fucking saying "respectively" when you mention multiple UFC cards.
peacexxl- November 28, 2011 at 1:04 pm
So now where is the article on UFC vets who were being fed some chump newcomer? Spoiler alert: #1. Chris Leben