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Don’t Worry, Steven Seagal Has Some Last-Second UFC 148 Trolling

(Props: FilmDrunk)

I know what you’ve all been thinking this week. You’ve been thinking “This whole pissed off and angry Anderson Silva is a frightening change of pace, and the press conference was fun I guess, but damn it, I need to know how Steven Seagal will take credit for all of this!” Well don’t worry, person who doesn’t exist – you won’t have to wait until after the fight to find that out.

Ariel Helwani caught up with Cockpuncher to discuss Anderson Silva‘s upcoming rematch with Chael Sonnen. After appearing reluctant to give the mere mortal an interview, Seagal explained how Silva’s intense new attitude is entirely his doing. And those concerns you may be having over The Spider’s emotions affecting his performance? Don’t worry, Seagal has an answer for that, too.


Perhaps the most note-worthy quote from this interview was Steven Seagal’s claim to have taught Anderson Silva “two or three things…stuff that we thought was maybe illegal that’s not illegal.” When pressed for more information, Seagal claimed to not want to give anything away so that Chael won’t know to expect it. Of course, for a guy who doesn’t want to give anything away, it’s odd that he clarified that the technique is a stand-up technique.

In other words: Anderson Silva now has Teh Deadly in his possession, he’ll use it to defeat Chael Sonnen, and it looks like a technique that most people thought was illegal but totally isn’t. Awesome.

And on that note, I leave you with this game of patty-cake between The Keeper and Rafael Cavalcante gone terribly wrong.



  1. Fried Taco Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 11:19

    I've been working on growing my belly muscles so I can be as good as Master Seagal.
  2. knucklesamitch Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 11:25

    I love watching Ariel talk to or about "Sensei" Seagal ... This guy is such a fucking tool. I think Chael should have mockingly gotten Chuck Norris for his corner. What a douche.
  3. Ricardo Guitardo Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 11:35

    Chuck Norris shits out turds that are tougher than Seagal.
  4. Ricardo Guitardo Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 11:36

    Why wear a do rag if you dont sweat?
  5. LOKI Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 11:46

    'Monkey Steals the Peach' isnt illegal is it? At worst you get a point deduction.
  6. Viva Hate Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 11:54

    Master Seagal has read and interpreted the unified rules of MMA and found out that wrapping a cue ball in a handkerchief and whacking your opponent is actually legal according to him. Chael, you have been warned.
  7. Frank Mur Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 11:59

    I'm embarrassed to even watch a video of a man so dillusional. I wonder if Silva is even aware that Segal is saying this shit about him?
  8. El Guapo Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 12:22

    You lil punks couldn't hold Sensei Seagal's jock strap! And you SURE AS HELL couldn't hold one of his adult diapers, either, especially after... Y'know. Lil punks.
  9. Boo Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 12:27

    Anderson by domination and extermination.
  10. XENOPHON Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 02:19

    Question for anyone who has heard/knows of a fighter named Tom Lawlor. Can you please ask the "Fifthly" to pull of one of his classic tributes to Sensei Steven Seagal?
  11. J-Dog Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 02:33

    I am honestly embarassed that I have the complete Seagal collection on VHS. I liked his movies back in the day. Now he seems like the perfect definition of a total douchebag. The way he treated Ariel with such disrespect... Ariel should have kicked him in the nuts.
  12. XENOPHON Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 02:36

    This should be easy. Since Aikido derives mainly from the martial art of Dait?-ry? Aiki-j?jutsu which is comprised of religion beliefs, philosophy, and martial arts - let's forget about the religious and philosophy and stick with just the combat side of Aikido as only 1/3 of the advice from Master Seagal can be attempted inside the ring. What standing offensive techniques coming from a 7th degree aikid?ka could come close to being defined as illegal in the UFC? Master Seagal claims there are 3 such techniques. I believe I know 1 such technique, can anyone think of the other 2 Aikido techniques he is talking about?
  13. XENOPHON Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 02:53

    Huh, J-Dog his movies were better than most others back in the day. After Bruce Lee died, there really was only a handful of martial practitioners that Hollywood spent much interest investing in. Don't forget the now 60 year old man Seagal began his adult life as an Aikido instructor in Japan after living there in his teens, and then became the first foreigner to operate an Aikido dojo in Japan and later the USA. He has used the arts to make more money than most fighting MMA today.
  14. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 03:07

    Is that Dim Mak or Dim Sum? I know the cock punch, if applied repeatedly and with significant force, results in point deductions.
  15. snoop dog shit Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 03:22

    You know what's cool about Seagal? Yeah me neither. What a tremendous asswipe. Chael should have Gene LeBell walk out with him just so the crowd can see the Oh Fuck look on that douche bag's bloated face.

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 03:45

    Seagal is a good martial artist. Just not much personality. He does come off as a prick, but so does arial. And not just when he interviews Seagal.
  17. snakey Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 03:54

    He's been training him in the art of flipping the "Hopoate" bird
  18. AndyInflammatory Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 04:59

    It's a damn shame that somebody went to the trouble of making a pretty clever little pisstake meme for Steven Seagull, and didn't even think to do a bit of proof-reading before clicking "share with the planet"
  19. AndyInflammatory Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 05:00

    ain't no party like a Hopoate Party!
  20. SonOfSerbia Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 05:34

    Anderson will defeat Chael via the Dim Mak technique Steven Seagal taught him. Three Finger Punch of Death right to the anus!
  21. Tim Sylvia 1 P4P EVA Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 05:45

    What a delusional fucktard. I couldn't cheer for Silva (which I wasn't going to anyway) simply based on the fact that he has this fat, full of shit, bottom feeding cock sucker! WAR SONNEN!!!!!
  22. Joedirt Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 06:11

    Seagal is a leech. Many martial artists train in theory but not competition. Which there is nothing wrong with. Something tells me Seagal in his prime would still be owned by an average competition fighter. Nice light tapping looks great but it's like Tyson once said... everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
  23. Joedirt Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 06:15

    I just watched that interview... what an incredible douche. Sonnen should have Judo Gene in his corner.
  24. Capital Says:

    Fri, 07/06/12 - 07:54

    Is Steven Fat Fejk for real?? Do he even belive himself??
  25. 2Dogs Says:

    Sat, 07/07/12 - 02:45

    Great article, very funny and well written. Exterminate? What is this guy a fuckin Dalek now as well?
  26. J-Dog Says:

    Sat, 07/07/12 - 09:33

    Probably his joint manipulation stuff. I think the rules say "no small joint manipulation" and I think that is meant to apply to fingers. Aikido has a lot of wrist locks and I wonder if some of those will be the techniques he's referring to.
  27. hitekredneck Says:

    Sun, 07/08/12 - 07:50

    Dude, get it right...You're thinking of "the stink finger submission"....
  28. atonal9114 Says:

    Sun, 07/08/12 - 09:04

    Invtented? are you fucking guys drunk?
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  38. Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Steven Seagal's Russian “Masterclass” Is a Gift … – FoxSportsWeb Says:

    Wed, 06/03/15 - 08:26

    [...] done fun of him a lot, fundamentally — from his weight benefit over a years (see above) to his rambling, hallucinatory, forever quotable talk snippets to that time Judo Gene done him sh*t his pants – but can we unequivocally censure us? THE [...]

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