minimalist movie posters
21 Incredible Minimalist Movie Posters

Five Mistakes Coach Brock Lesnar Made on the ‘TUF 13′ Season Premiere

(Coaching gaffes aside, the green jersey really brings out his eyes. Pic: TheMMANews)

At least one thing was abundantly clear Wednesday night about the debut episode of “The Ultimate Fighter,” season 13: Brock Lesnar has obviously never seen this show before. Forget for a minute all the silly squabbling over the former heavyweight champ’s credentials as a coach and whether or not his inclusion on the UFC’s popular reality show will be good for ratings and/or the sport. The real question this morning is whether or not Lesnar even owns a television, because the dude played the “TUF 13” season premiere like a straight-up rookie. Things snowballed so quickly and decisively in the favor of Team Dos Santos, that by the end of the first 60 minutes we had to wonder if this season will be another one-sided ass-kicking on the order of those handed out by Team GSP on “TUF 12” and Team Rashad on “TUF 10.”

We don’t want to totally bury Team Lesnar this early on because – let’s face it – a lot can happen between now and the end of the season, especially since producers appear to have done an uncharacteristically good job making the actual cast of “TUF 13” look evenly matched. There are only two dudes on board we’ve ever heard of before – Shamar Bailey and Ryan McGillivray, both snapped up quick-fast by Team JDS – so maybe Brock’s picks will surprise us. Still, we couldn’t help but notice that Lesnar didn’t exactly pin episode one to the mat and give it a Heath Herring-style beatdown. Here are the multiple ways Coach Brock screwed things up …

1. Fumbling the coin toss.

Dude. Everybody knows if you win Dana White’s opening flip-off, you choose to pick the first fight. You do this because if you do even a halfway competent job picking your team, you should be able to win at least the first 2-3 fights on matchups alone. Giving the opposition “the hammer” (as Ken Shamrock dubbed it during season 2)  really only invites them to pick your team apart piece by piece, getting their best fighters into the second round ASAP while formulating the best matchup against your top guys. The most telling part that Lesnar bungled this was that after he quickly opted to have first pick of the fighters, he looked over at dos Santos like, “Right?” Wrong.

2. Offering half-assed “personality evaluations” of the fighters.

If the UFC wanted to underscore for us exactly how awkward Lesnar’s one-on-one interactions with other human beings are, it couldn’t possibly have done a more effective job than to show those short clips of the impromptu “interviews” he tried to conduct with his prospective team members. During these exchanges, Lesnar asked such probing questions as, “So buddy, what are you here for, buddy?” and “Are you here to win the show, buddy?” and “Are you here to win the show, buddy, or are you here to be a TV star?” What did he learn from this? Nothing, except that after 12 seasons of “TUF” the dudes on the cast know how to regurgitate answers the UFC wants to hear. What did viewers learn? Well, if Brock Lesnar can’t remember your name, he’s just gonna call you “buddy.” The Wonderlic this shit was not.

3. Not just ignoring the “evaluation period.”

As Dana White pointed out early on in episode one, coaches and their staffs had just two hours to evaluate the cast of “TUF 13” before making their picks. This is problematic for a couple reasons: One, because it’s probably hard to accurately scout a whole room full of talent in just 120 minutes. Two, due to a lot of unrelated issues (stress, nerves, jet lag) guys may not be giving you an accurate picture of their abilities during this time. In the past,  maybe this hasn’t been an issue because most of the coaching staffs at least knew of the top contestants before the process even started. You think the coaches of previous season didn’t know who Joe Stevenson was before they even walked in that room? Or Mac Danzig? Or Michael Bisping? Or Nate Diaz? C’mon, son. Of course, Lesnar probably had no idea who any of these dudes were and in the end may well have given the two best prospects (Bailey and McGillivray) to Team JDS right out the shoot.

4. Staying too close to home.

In the past, when guys with somewhat dubious coaching credentials have landed starring roles on “TUF” they’ve at least tried to compensate by bringing along all-star coaching staffs. Koscheck brought the guys from AKA. Evans brought Team Greg Jackson. Forrest Griffin had the whole crew at Xtreme Couture to fall back on. Lesnar? It looks like he just brought Erik Paulsen and Marty Morgan over from DeathClutch. That’s not to say those guys aren’t high-level coaches (they are), but doesn’t it kind of also give you the impression that it’s going to be all catch wrestling, all the time over on Team Lesnar? And isn’t one of the biggest knocks on Lesnar as a fighter that he hasn’t really gone out of his comfort zone, spread his wings and improved his skill set by training with the best in the world? If you needed a clue where Lesnar’s focus is going to be during this season, you had to look no further than his speech to his charges immediately following their first loss of the season: “Wrestling is powerful in this sport, fellas.” Oh, boy.

5. Acting like he expected to lose.

Not only has Lesnar never seen “TUF” before but he’s also apparently unfamiliar with any show or movie where an inspirational coach lifts up his team and motivates them through undying confidence and hard work. And really, isn’t that like every movie ever made? Granted, fight No. 1 featured JDS’ top pick (Bailey) against Lesnar’s last pick (Nordin Asrih), but watching at home you got the impression the boys on Team Green had thrown in the towel on this one before it even started. During the bout itself, it sounded like there was a whole lot of silence coming out of Lesnar’s corner, except for the occasional “Up, up, up!” and “Underhook, left side!” Then, after Bailey had thoroughly outwrestled his German Muslim opponent (certainly Lesnar didn’t secretly enjoy that, right?), Lesnar quipped: “They put their best guy against our last pick, so it (the loss) was to be expected.” Damn, Nodrin Asrih, how does that feel? Sorry about your life’s dream, bro.

Cagepotato Comments

Showing 1-25 of comments

comments
Sort by : Show hidden comments
bobroode- September 14, 2011 at 8:24 am
Brock Lesnar will never be champion again, these other fighters are to well rounded.
Qdoba Mexican Grill Coupons
jeanclaudetransam- April 2, 2011 at 9:46 pm
My favourite part was when Brock looked around and muttered about which guys had wrestling experience. I think he only agreed to do this season to find a new bottom bitch to replace Chris Tuchsherer.
DDDgal- April 2, 2011 at 11:36 am
Uhm I think hes talkin about his thang, cuz he IS built like a Black Guy. Not racist, true
Chri534.- April 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm
"Usually these fights aren’t up to much of a technical standard anyway."

Exactly. Brock's team made one very quantitative measurement, one very qualitative measurement, and ran them through a quick workout session.

Seems like a pretty well organized approach to something that carries such a short time restriction.
Jesus Frijoles- April 1, 2011 at 9:19 am
One thing that I noticed, Brock focused his picks almost entirely on cardio. I don't think that is a bad idea at all given the history of this stupid ass show. He didnt have much time to evaluate these guys. Usually these fights aren't up to much of a technical standard anyway.Just pick the dude with the best wind and hope he can grind it out. It's kind of a crapshoot anyway.
dranokills- April 1, 2011 at 6:32 am
hey look everyone a new member from bloody vagina has dropped in......hey bigblockcrx...


EAT A BAG OF ROTTEN AIDS INFESTED DICKS!
bigblockcrx- March 31, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Maybe you guys should focus more on this site not sucking raw nutsack in every department rather than begging for help from you're members to try and convince other people this site isn't a joke. You must be taking notes from you're resident "fighter" karmaatemycat bumming his ass around, all the while flapping his e-gums as if he isn't just another mohawk sporting bitch boy. You know terrible writing when the comments are more entertaining and insightful than the articles most of the time, and often more up to date.
fatbellyfrank- March 31, 2011 at 9:50 pm
^ to be fair, they are using a NCAA champ. Brock. And i totally agree TUF has very little relevance to the real goings on in the world of MMA, but for casual fans its an easy grab of MMA without having to shell for PPV, and then hopefully you'll watch enough TUF, really gain an interest and actually purchase a PPV, and then yer hooked, cuz as we all know once MMA gets ya, you ain't going nowhere!
WAR MMA
Fuck, sorry boys, just got all excited
Squidjitsu- March 31, 2011 at 9:28 pm
I am kind of curious (and have been since the very first time Dos Santos and Lesnar were announced as coaches) why you'd pick heavyweights to coach a bunch of welterweights anyway. Especially when neither one of them is particularly known for their technique...to get a guy at welterweight as physically dominant as Brock is at heavyweight, you basically need Rumble Johnson.
To be fair, it's been a while since TUF was particularly relevent to anybody. Why don't they take recent NCAA wrestling champs that are joining MMA, judo champs, etc. and start them cross polinating?
fatbellyfrank- March 31, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Haven't even got to see the first ep yet, but fuck, it cant be as bad as some of the comments and article here are suggesting,
And everthangs shakin like it should bro, been without computer for a few weeks so been off line but I'm back baby, I'm back to make my fellow Tater warriors lives that touch more meaningful!
Yourself, all good I hope, jamming peoples opinions sideways up there asse's as required?you know we rely on you for that bro,your the CP fucktard police, it's like, "Gees, who's this fucktard talking shit" and before you know it, good ol Drano's nailed em to the wall and feedin em a "Bag-o-dicks" and yeah, I miss DDP as well, feel the bang!!!!
Cheers mate
dranokills- March 31, 2011 at 7:41 pm
bloody vagina your village is short a few idiots...please come retrieve them.
whats shakin FBF my friend? enjoying the show so far eh?
noizy- March 31, 2011 at 7:20 pm
“They put their best guy against our last pick, so it (the loss) was to be expected.” Damn, Nodrin Asrih, how does that feel? Sorry about your life’s dream, bro."

Ooooooo burn. Lol
MrPresident- March 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Anyone else notice how Brock didnt pick any black fighters for his team? No surprise there, amirite?
fatbellyfrank- March 31, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Jeesus fucken christ, new school Old school, CP sucks, Brock sucks as a coach, its TUF for fuck sakes, and its the first fucken episode, any think one of the reason's Brock's there is to attract new fans. He IS a very well known athlete and has genuine brand recognition so should attract the casual crossover's. Brock's polarised MMA fans because he brought the mega heel persona over from wrasslin with him, but people who dismiss him as a fake fighter obviously haven't checked out his NCAA record. If I had the opportunity to get on TUF I'd be fucken stoked to get coached by a guy like Brock, there would be so much about the pro fight game you could pick up from just bein around him, and if your ground game didn't improve your just not paying attention. Sure, a strong stand up coach would be great but I wouldn't be writing off team Lesnar just yet
SethF- March 31, 2011 at 3:09 pm
"Why am I here? This whole fighting for a living blows. I figure if I get extremely drunk and act crazy I can have a successful porn career. Maybe get my own VH1 dating show. And wrestling is for queers. I like queers. Write that down in your little notebook."
Cup Cheick- March 31, 2011 at 2:58 pm
I have to agree that this article is harsh. Was Brock naive as a coach? Sure. But the wrestling argument is tired and warn out. What he said was on the money.
I'm so sick of this wrestling is bullshit mentality. You don't make it part of your game plan or don't defend it the jokes on you. The simple fact is it works and until fighters beat it, it is here to stay.
"Oh I have a fight with (Insert name of division I-III Wrestling All American here.) but I really don't expect this to go to the ground so I'm going to negate the Mixed part of MMA." Fuck off.

But really I didn't think he did that bad. It may be TUF but its still just a reality show.
Jaye Priest- March 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm
@macreadysshack-stop trying so hard buddy..
macreadysshack- March 31, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Haha, I think you're projecting a little, man. I think you have a child's mind, that's all. I'm not emotionally invested in it because my identity isn't wrapped up in any of this shit. I was just repeating what you said to illustrate how stupid it was. Then you go and say another stupid thing. :) I think that's funny and awesome. Keep talking. Keep proving me right.
mma samurai- March 31, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Everyone had to see this coming. Brock has relied on his wrestling to carry him through his career thus far. That is his bread and butter so naturally he will be pushing wrestling to his team. I do hope he brings in some other coaches or fighters to help his team become more well rounded though. Perhaps he will surprise us who knows?
Firecrotch979- March 31, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Terrible article. This is basically someone saying "because Brock didn't do exactly what I would do as a coach, he was wrong and looked stupid."

Whatever dude, he can choose the first pick if he wants to. He fucking asked them about why they were there to see if their head is on correctly, and even though I'm not a Lesnar fan, he didn't do anywhere near as bad as this writer thinks he did. Horrible article. Not sure how it even got published on here. Pathetic.
HoustonFightFan- March 31, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Ha! I guess I should've also added:

- both react emotionally to the news that they've been left behind and lash out at anyone who chooses to call them on it...
macreadysshack- March 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Jesus-Murphy, Hoser, I'm not your Puck-bunny.
macreadysshack- March 31, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Haha, HoustonFightFan in here representin' the NEW SCHOOL, bitches!!!! All us veteran MMA fans better find a new sport to enjoy AND a new place to talk about it. We get flogged by newcomers, we have nothing to offer, nobody listens to us and we are so so threatened by the evolution of MMA. What kind of blanket generality bullshit is that? Son, go cry yourself to sleep in your race-car bed.
intercept440- March 31, 2011 at 1:01 pm
this is how it would have went down if I was on TUF

Brock " hey buddy so what r you here for buddy?

I440 " what kinda fucking homo tattoos a giant dick on his chest pointing up at his face"

cut to commercial, then scenes from next episode of me hurdling fences running away, and him chasing after me draggin his knuckles
pooflinger- March 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm
poop
CagePotatoMMA