Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

If Alistair Overeem Says He’s Clean, We Should Totally Believe Him, Right?

By George Shunick

Alistair Overeem has plenty of haters out there. Haters saying stuff like “He’s a cheat,” or “He uses steroids,” or “All of his recent accomplishments are tainted because his entire heavyweight career is a byproduct of unnatural chemical enhancements.” Also “Leave the horses alone!”, though that’s just PETA, and they hate on everyone so they don’t really count. Well, Alistair Overeem has something to tell all the haters (except PETA) out there: he’s clean.

That’s right, let’s cease all this hurtful speculation; Alistair Overeem is without a doubt, 100% clean. Never did steroids, never will do them. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about. That time he tested positive for his then-upcoming fight with Junior Dos Santos with a 14:1 testosterone-to-epitestosterone ratio? That was the fault of a completely reliable and not at all sketchy doctor who injected testosterone into Overeem — without his knowledge! — which is totally standard for anti-inflammatory injections. I don’t see how anyone would need a more satisfying explanation than that.

But despite these facts, not to mention Overeem’s sterling reputation, some people out there still dare to doubt his claims. They say things like because his drug test was “self-administered,” it somehow devalues the authenticity of the results. That because he got to choose the time his test took place, where it was taken, the methods used, and the doctors who did it, Overeem has circumvented every single qualification that makes a drug test a test. I’m sorry, but that’s just nonsense! I’m not sure how we got to be so cynical, but there’s no reason not to take an athlete at his word when he says he’s never done performance enhancing drugs.

So next time, think before you hate. You’re talking about a man who worked very hard to build — literally, build — himself and his career from scratch. And horse meat. And to try to taint that career through speculation, innuendo, common sense, logic, and a failed drug test is nothing short of irresponsible on your part. And once these results come back, you’ll have no choice but to admit Alistair Overeem is clean.

Unless he actually manages to fail his own test.

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Ziggen J- June 22, 2012 at 2:50 pm
oh snapple @ 'proof. Well played sir.
shatterproof- June 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Princess, work on your craft because it's weak. Take your lumps and grow, it's what men do.
amsterdamheavy- June 22, 2012 at 9:49 am
What should be hurtful is your own stupidity. "Testosterone isnt a steroid". Idiot.
shatterproof- June 22, 2012 at 8:53 am
Stop it, you are hurting my feelings with your sharp, pointy internet words. "DUH"... so hurtful.
amsterdamheavy- June 22, 2012 at 6:25 am
@shatterproof and other stupid people: Testosterone is most certainly "a steroid" - in fact, it is THE steroid. All other anabolic agents are derived from testosterone, which is a steroidal hormone....DUH. Put on your fucking tutu and do a pretty dance for me now you dumb ass.
Mr_Misanthropy- June 21, 2012 at 6:51 pm
He IS European, but I'll bet he's showered at least a couple of times in the last month.

As for the overoids... that's called dedication, son. Any man that is willing to sacrifice his body, internal organs, and the size of his genitalia just so he can punch knees through somebody's liver has my utmost respect. Sometimes you have to break a few eggs (or shrink them, as it were) to make an omelet, nawmsayin'?
holeeball- June 21, 2012 at 4:12 pm
A fighter claiming to have never used = average joe saying he never drove drunk. right? am I right? I'm right. Me so happy me could cry. Anyway, anybody checked the horses? Maybe those were injected with testosterone and somehow it ended up in overeem. Poor horsies.
Sloppyspray- June 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm
@Armfarmer - You sir are in fact the moron. Everyone who read the article knows it was satire. The point is that it sucks so bad at being satire that we (I) question it's satirical nature by sarcastically asking if it is satire. If you couldn't immediately identify that then you are a moron.
ArmFarmer- June 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Thank you for confirming my suspicions jj. Overeem is a fraud. Deal with it. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go enjoy some vintage natural overeem, and watch him tap out inexplicably when no submission is being attempted, get ktfo as he's running away from his opponent, and crumble under the slightest pressure.
JPfighter-DAMMA- June 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm
The whole system and those within it, suck balls. The testing methodology is flawed, the frequency of the tests are flawed, and the fighters continue to cheat by taking advantage of the flawed system. It's laughable how long it seems to be taking to develop, implement and protect a proper testing system. If the athletic commissions had a proper system, you'd see the abuse of banned substances reduce dramatically, because the commissions would be effectively closing their own loop holes. But the pace of change in this area is ridiculously slow, and allows fighters to continue to use banned substances. Shit, the flawed system almost *encourages* fighters to exploit the lousy testing methodology.
jjrdias- June 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm
ArmWanker, that cozy spot you mention is your momma's twat. And you're right. It's cozy. Cavernous, but cozy.
ArmFarmer- June 21, 2012 at 1:13 pm
If you read more than 3 sentences and couldn't immediately identify it as satire, you are a moron. The writer is making a witty point while reporting what Overeem's up to. I don't see anything wrong with this article, and kind of enjoyed it. I'm starting to get the impression that some of you were unable to read it clearly due to some shrunken gonads blocking your vision from that warm cozy spot you've nestled into.
Fried Taco- June 21, 2012 at 12:11 pm
I found a thread started by Overeem under a pseudonym last year. It is very interesting:
Fried Taco- June 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm
But has the horse committed to being tested as well? I heard the same sketchy doctor has been treating all of the Reem's meat supply.
shatterproof- June 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm
A whole article sarcastically (lazily, come on. If you got some good jokes then ok but this is just lazy shite writing) lambasting Overeem while CP continues it's long standing tradition of polishing Chael's knob for the same infraction and then some is... meh.

also.. testosterone is not steroids. cheating, yes... steroids, no. if you don't know that then maybe ballet is a better sport for you to report on, homie.
jjrdias- June 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Overeem never tested positive for any banned substance, George Schmuck. You should leave pseudo-satire for those who understand how to work it. And keep your stupid name out of the front page. Nobody else does it. It doesn't make your bullshit articles more credible.
Ani703- June 21, 2012 at 11:57 am
Once, when I was in high school, I took a practice SAT test in the privacy of my bedroom. Wouldn't you know I got a near perfect score! I submitted my score and an application to Princeton. But those bastards wouldn't accept it. So I applied to a lesser school instead. Four years later, I graduated with a degree from Harvard. True story.
Sloppyspray- June 21, 2012 at 11:54 am
Is this satire?
J. Jones- June 21, 2012 at 11:57 am
Someone's got it!
BaghdadBob- June 21, 2012 at 11:37 am
Reem's as clean as Jenna Jameson's snatch.
razzle469- June 21, 2012 at 11:11 am
What?? All he did was eat chicken falafel. You guys are making a big deal out of this