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TIL That Chris Weidman Sh*t in a Trash Can On His First Date With His Wife


(An incredibly classy artist’s rendition of Chris’ story.)

Chris Weidman has always struck me as a straightforward, down-to-earth, and perhaps most importantly, genuine guy. A little bro-ish maybe, but not unlike any Long Islander I’ve ever met in that regard, and besides, he saved his 92-year-old neighbor’s life once, so stop putting him on trial, will ya, Nation? Because that’s what you’re always doing and that’s what you’re doing now! Like you’re so f*cking perfect, with your ironic derby hats and your market fresh wifi and your premature arthritis-causing porn addiction that you told the doctor was actually from working at a steel mill all these years. You’re 23 years old and have never even been to a steel mill, dammit, and you’ve got the city hands to prove it!! Get a job, drink Budweiser heavies, and leave Chris Weidman alone!!

I guess what I’m saying is, Chris Weidman is the kind of guy who has put in the long hours at said fictional steel mill. That’s how you become the best, through hard work and hard work alone. Just ask Fred Ettish, or Omarosa. Weidman’s a man’s man (his name states as much!), a kingslayer, and an honest Abe — a solid dude all around. He’s the kind of guy who, when you ask him about what he did on his first date with his lovely wife, proceeds to tell you a story that begins as a classic tale of a man wooing his best friend/wrestling buddy’s sister and ends like a scene out of an underwhelming but financially successful Ben Stiller movie. Because what’s he gonna do, lie and say they they met on Tinder? Because Tinder was even around then, dum-dum? Honestly, it’s way too early for you guys to be this drunk.

I won’t spoil Weidman’s tale of true love for you — you know, besides what I wrote in the headline — but suffice it to say (*in field reporter voice*), “Sometimes love can get a little…shitty. Back to you in the studio, Chris and Diane!”

Video after the dump*. 

*I swear to God, that was a legitimate typo that I decided to keep. God bless America.

-J. Jones

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