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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tim Sylvia REALLY Wants Back in the UFC

Tim Sylvia is a desperate man, ladies and gentlemen. A couple of weeks ago, he released a video in which he claimed he could beat eighty percent of the heavyweights in the UFC. He went on to blame the UFC’s need to fill cards as the reason guys like Joey Beltran, Chrisitan Morecraft, and Stefan Struve were still employed. Because, as we all know, Abe Wagner, Ray Mercer, and Mariusz Pudzianowski are the heavyweight contenders the UFC is missing out on. To no one’s surprise, Dana White did not take the bait.

Then, “The Maine-iac” caught part of The Shawshank Redemption on TBS one night and came up with a plan: continue to release videos week after week until he received his metaphorical library full of books. It’s gotten bad, folks. So bad, in fact, that Sylvia is now enlisting the help of The UG (hey, it works for some people), offering to let one of his followers corner him in his UFC return match, whenever that may come. DW caught wind of all this, and proceeded to crush Sylvia’s dreams outright before they ever gained any steam, stating the following:

I have no beef with Tim Sylvia whatsoever, I have nothing against the guy, but I say it all the time: that was when the division was the weakest, when he was champion. And for him to make a statement like he could come back and beat 80-percent of the fighters in the UFC? The last time I saw him, he got knocked out by a 50-year-old boxer in like 10 seconds. Him and Arlovski were knocking each other out every weekend.

By Shawshank terms, Tim Sylvia just received another month in the hole. Or are we being too obtuse?

In either case, the former UFC Heavyweight Champ and Depend’s spokesperson inevitably heard The Baldfather’s criticisms, and was quick to retort. Well, probably not too quick:

I’m sick and tired of watching a bunch of bums fight in the UFC. Guys that I know I can beat… They told [manager Monte Cox], ‘Tim needs to keep winning. Keep putting wins together.’ I’ve done that and nothing happened. And there are guys in there I think are absolutely horrible…Yeah, I’ve got an attitude about it. I’m tired of it. I’ve got to make my own destiny.

If you recall, Sylvia’s last performance was an absolute snorefest which went down at the abysmal ProElite 2: Big Guns event that we have long lamented over. That fight was the second of a current two fight win streak. If you also recall, Sylvia’s run in the UFC heavyweight division consisted of similar snorefests over the likes of Assuerio Silva, Brandon Vera, and Jeff Monson. And who could forget the five round snoozer that completed the Andrei Arlovski trilogy back at UFC 61? Everyone, that’s who.

But we’ll give Tim this, he is one persistent son of a bitch. The man has been bombarding the UFC President’s Twitter over the past couple weeks like a stage five clinger. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t look like DW is backing down anytime soon. Just check out how he responded to this tweet, which thankfully, wasn’t from Sylvia:

Alejandro Ramirez ? @LXMMA12
Dont listen to that nut @MaineiacUFCprt2 Petitioning to Bring Tim Sylvia back to #UFC . Fans don’t want it.

Dana White @danawhite
don’t worry we aren’t listening.

Game. Set. Match.

-J. Jones

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The Oracle of MMA- March 1, 2012 at 11:33 pm
if i was dana i would tell timmy that if he can get to 275 in 3 months he can get a one fight contract. pay him the absolute minimum possible and put him on the undercard. if he dominates or at least finishes someone then give him a fight by fight sort of opportunity.

now if i was timmy i'd offer to fight on an undercard for free and only get paid a win bonus. and agree to fight anyone they put in front of me. hell i'd even take a ufc fight under those conditions lol
blaphtome- March 1, 2012 at 9:56 pm
@Joedirt. Th' FUCK? HW is arguably the strongest division???? Fuck it no reason to argue; just speechless I guess.
Enricho Palazzo- March 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm
The same guy who signed James Toney won't re-sign a former UFC Heavyweight Champion to a one-fight deal? Did anyone really believe Toney had any chance whatsoever? Toney was signed to make an example out of him. Sign Sylvia and try to make an example out of him. I'd be intrigued to see if Tim would show up in the best shape of his life or blow the opportunity.
intercept440- March 1, 2012 at 11:54 am
TIMMAY!!!!!!!! Andre PEE PEE !!!!!!...o man.. this is even funnier captcha is Avenging cumming
KarmaAteMyCat- March 1, 2012 at 10:42 am
Tim Sylvia is the Scott Hall of MMA
SethF- March 1, 2012 at 10:31 am
Tim Sylvia is MMA's version of the 60 year old ex-WWE wrestler who is claiming he can work a better match than CM Punk while he's performing in front of like ten people at a high school gym somewhere. If that was too wordy for you, he's a less relevant Ken Shamrock is what I'm getting at.
The12ozCurls- March 1, 2012 at 10:29 am
Damn he looks pretty freakin fat - Dudes face is shaped like a god forsaken Corn Nut . . . . I smell sposorship
jimbonics- March 1, 2012 at 10:22 am
Dear Tim,
Admitting 20% of the division would whoop your ass isn't the best strategy...
knucklesamitch- March 1, 2012 at 10:03 am
First of all, isn't Timmeh weighing over 300lbs these days? Second, I say if he can get down to 265, give him a one fight contract and put him in against Mark Hunt ... Then send him on his way.
HandsofGold- March 1, 2012 at 9:46 am
Tim has fans?
GougeAndWhimper- March 1, 2012 at 9:42 am
"former UFC Heavyweight Champ and Depend’s spokesperson"
That just makes me laugh!
RSparrow- March 1, 2012 at 9:40 am
He should worry about fighting his downs syndrome first
mleclair01- March 1, 2012 at 9:37 am
What dana needs to ask him first before even considering taking him seriously is "Tim, how taste Andre's pee pee???"

LOL!!!!
djp1988- March 1, 2012 at 9:37 am
I wish I could tell you that Timmy fought the good fight, and that Dana let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but the UFC is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile - MMA life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Timmy would show up with fresh bruises. Dana kept at him - sometimes he was able to fight 'em off, sometimes not. And that's how it went for Timmy - that was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him.
KeithHackneyWindmillPalmStrike- March 1, 2012 at 9:32 am
That dumb hill jack will never be meaningful again...and he's too much of a retard to even talk shit well enough to give him any chance of getting a UFC come back fight...in which of course he gets his ass beat
NomadRip- March 1, 2012 at 9:29 am
If he can get past Bob Sapp, maybe he should be let in. Oh wait... This has just gone from merely sad to downright pathetic.
Ringo- March 1, 2012 at 9:26 am
I say let him go back for one fight, if he wins he gets another if not goodbye for ever, make him fight against overeem.
yosabela- March 1, 2012 at 9:26 am
nice ...
Dog Dicks Magoo- March 1, 2012 at 9:23 am
Tim also needs to go on elimadate a few more times. Then let him back in the UFC. That episode he was on was AMAZING.
ReX13- March 1, 2012 at 9:21 am
joedirt >> Say whatnow?
Joedirt- March 1, 2012 at 9:14 am
The HW division is arguably their strongest division now. Silvia will never make it back in.
Fried Taco- March 1, 2012 at 9:09 am
Fedor has a better chance of getting back in the UFC than Tim "Whoops I crapped my pants" Sylvia.
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