Tim Sylvia is a desperate man, ladies and gentlemen. A couple of weeks ago, he released a video in which he claimed he could beat eighty percent of the heavyweights in the UFC. He went on to blame the UFC’s need to fill cards as the reason guys like Joey Beltran, Chrisitan Morecraft, and Stefan Struve were still employed. Because, as we all know, Abe Wagner, Ray Mercer, and Mariusz Pudzianowski are the heavyweight contenders the UFC is missing out on. To no one’s surprise, Dana White did not take the bait.

Then, “The Maine-iac” caught part of The Shawshank Redemption on TBS one night and came up with a plan: continue to release videos week after week until he received his metaphorical library full of books. It’s gotten bad, folks. So bad, in fact, that Sylvia is now enlisting the help of The UG (hey, it works for some people), offering to let one of his followers corner him in his UFC return match, whenever that may come. DW caught wind of all this, and proceeded to crush Sylvia’s dreams outright before they ever gained any steam, stating the following:

I have no beef with Tim Sylvia whatsoever, I have nothing against the guy, but I say it all the time: that was when the division was the weakest, when he was champion. And for him to make a statement like he could come back and beat 80-percent of the fighters in the UFC? The last time I saw him, he got knocked out by a 50-year-old boxer in like 10 seconds. Him and Arlovski were knocking each other out every weekend.

By Shawshank terms, Tim Sylvia just received another month in the hole. Or are we being too obtuse?

In either case, the former UFC Heavyweight Champ and Depend’s spokesperson inevitably heard The Baldfather’s criticisms, and was quick to retort. Well, probably not too quick:

I’m sick and tired of watching a bunch of bums fight in the UFC. Guys that I know I can beat… They told [manager Monte Cox], ‘Tim needs to keep winning. Keep putting wins together.’ I’ve done that and nothing happened. And there are guys in there I think are absolutely horrible…Yeah, I’ve got an attitude about it. I’m tired of it. I’ve got to make my own destiny.

If you recall, Sylvia’s last performance was an absolute snorefest which went down at the abysmal ProElite 2: Big Guns event that we have long lamented over. That fight was the second of a current two fight win streak. If you also recall, Sylvia’s run in the UFC heavyweight division consisted of similar snorefests over the likes of Assuerio Silva, Brandon Vera, and Jeff Monson. And who could forget the five round snoozer that completed the Andrei Arlovski trilogy back at UFC 61? Everyone, that’s who.

But we’ll give Tim this, he is one persistent son of a bitch. The man has been bombarding the UFC President’s Twitter over the past couple weeks like a stage five clinger. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t look like DW is backing down anytime soon. Just check out how he responded to this tweet, which thankfully, wasn’t from Sylvia:

Alejandro Ramirez ? @LXMMA12
Dont listen to that nut @MaineiacUFCprt2 Petitioning to Bring Tim Sylvia back to #UFC . Fans don’t want it.

Dana White @danawhite
don’t worry we aren’t listening.

Game. Set. Match.

-J. Jones