"UFC 97: Redemption" — Liveblog, Covered in Cheese Curds and Gravy

(Young kid named Thales goes to jail for the first time, and gets thrown in a cell with a mean-looking dude named Anderson. Anderson says to Thales, "so do you want to be the mommy or the daddy?" Figuring he doesn't have much choice, Thales says "the daddy." To which Anderson replies, "good, now come over here and suck mommy's dick." True story. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Let's get ready to REDEEEEEEEEEM OURSELLLLLLVES! The Thunderdome has returned to Montreal's Bell Centre, and the stakes are high. Can Anderson Silva make it a historic nine Octagon wins in a row? Who keeps their top-ten 205'er status in the Liddell/Rua fight, and who completes their dramatic flame-out? And...ah...who else is on this card again? Live round-by-round updates and commentary await you after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes to get all the latest.

Arianny Celeste is taking the night off to be at her grandparents' 50th anniversary party, and the Sam Stout/Matt Wiman undercard fight never happened because they ran out of time. This does not bode well... 

"No yooman is unbeatable," Thales Leites says. True, but my God this Anderson, he more monster than yooman.

Luiz Cane vs. Steve Cantwell
Cane comes out to "Stop" by Jane's Addiction. Dude's got taste. Cantwell goes with "The Sickness" by Disturbed. So I'm officially rooting for Cane, then. Not that he'll need my support. Ooh, Bruce Buffer greets the crowd in French. That just earned him some extra tail tonight. And his delivery of "BanHAAAA" was intense.
Round 1: Cane stalking with punches. Cantwell tries for the high kick. Good striking combo from Cane. Cantwell lands a straight punch, Cane answers with an uppercut. They clinch against the fence, then Cane punches out of it. Cane grabs the thai plum and fires in a knee. Cane rushes in with more punches after blocking a high kick. Body punch from Cantwell, and another. Leg kick Cantwell. Cane still coming forward, throwing hands. Body kick Cantwell. Cane lands a jab at the horn. 10-9 for the Brazilian, who was the clear aggressor and landed more.

Round 2: Cane snaps Cantwell's head back with two punches. Cane misses a short superman punch. The crowd boos a momentary lack of action. Leg kick Cane, and a sharp body kick. Body punch and kick from Cantwell, then more punches and a kick. Cantwell snaps a BIG kick to Cane's face, and a knee. Cantwell finding his range. Cane answers with a body kick. Cantwell jacks Cane with a right hook. Cantwell with another nice right hook counter. The horn sounds. Cantwell evens the fight with a 10-9.

Round 3: High kick Cantwell, then a leg kick. They trade punches, and Cane lands a nice body kick that sets up a punch flurry. Cane lands leather on Cantwell's jaw. Cane with a knee to the body, then another. Leg kick Cantwell. Cane dashes in with another knee to the body. Cantwell scores with a straight right. Body kick from Cane. Cantwell tries for some high kicks. Cane nails Cantwell with a stiff jab, a knee, and a hook. Cantwell still trying for that homerun head kick. Cantwell tries a flying double-kick. Cane landing punches in the closing seconds, probably cementing his decision victory.
Luis Cane def. Steve Cantwell via unanimous decision (29-28, 30-27 x 2).

Cheick Kongo vs. Antoni Hardonk
Kongo comes out doin' his thump-thump-salute thing. He's been getting his wolf on at the Wolfslair with Rampage and Bisping. Dude got muscles-upon-muscles.
Round 1: Kongo with a couple leg kicks, and Hardonk returns. Hardonk is looking very calm in the cage. They trade leg kicks. Hardonk slowly pushing forward. Hard kick to the thigh from Hardonk. Kongo comes forward with a punch. They tie up against the cage. Kongo with a knee to the body. Yves Lavigne breaks them after a stalemate. Kongo catches a Hardonk body kick and tosses him to the mat. Kongo kicking Hardonk's legs from above. Lavigne stands them up. They trade more leg kicks. Kongo sticks Hardonk with a right straight and an uppercut. They clinch again, Kongo trying to pull Hardonk to the ground. And he succeeds. Kongo in Hardonk's full guard. Hardonk doing his best to control Kongo's upper body, but Kongo slips in some punches and elbows. The round comes to an end -- easy 10-9 for Cheick.

Round 2: Hardonk lands a leg kick but slips to the mat, and Kongo pounces on him with strikes from full guard. Kongo working the body between punches to the head. Hardonk is bloodied.  Kongo lands some Lesnar-esque hammer-fists. Kongo lands more punches, Hardonk turtles, and Kongo pours on the abuse until Lavigne dashes in to stop in.
Cheick Kongo def. Antoni Hardonk 2:29 of round 2. No post-fight interview for Kongo, in the interest of pacing. He would have demanded a title shot, by the way.

Krzysztof Soszynski vs. Brian Stann
K-Sos gives Stann a friendly hug when he enters the cage. K-Sos representing Team Quest, with Hendo in his corner, and Stann comes in backed by his new coach Greg Jackson.
Round 1: Leg kick K-Sos. They clinch and Stann slips in a left hook. Stann chasing, swinging wildly. Leg kick Stann. They clinch against the cage. K-Sos has a thai clinch locked on, but Stann punches out. K-Sos scores a strong takedown, dumping Stann against the fence, and easily transitions to mount. Stann jerks out and K-Sos goes to half-guard. Stann gets up, and K-Sos slams him back to the mat. K-Sos looks for the kimura, eases off to get a better position, then sinks it. Same move he took out Shane Primm with, and just as painful-looking.
K-Sos def. Brian Stann via submission (kimura), 3:53 of round 1. K-Sos is super amped about the win, and predicts another kimura win in his next fight.

Chuck Liddell vs. Mauricio Rua
Shogun comes out to some techno bullshit that isn't "Sandstorm." Rogan harps on how he needs to have his conditioning back. The entire arena lights up blue for the Iceman's entrance. The song is that metal song that I hate myself for not knowing the name of, but it's like "duh-duh-duh, n'nah'nah'naaah, nah-nah-naaah, nah-nah-naaaah," etc. Slayer? "Reign in Blood"? Anyway, Rua is loudly booed.
Round 1: Liddell with a slow leg kick, and Rua with a hard one. Rua tries the high kick. Leg kick Rua. Liddell backs Rua up with punches. Shogun's already cut on his forehead. Rua comes forward with strikes but Chuck nicely counters. Rua lands another leg kick, and Liddell looks like he's feeling them. Rua with a takedown, but Liddell gets up. Rua tries for a leg lock, but Liddell slips out. Rua tries to clinch and eats an elbow. Chuck lands a right, shrugs off a takedown, and scores with an uppercut. Now it's Liddell who gets a takedown, but he immediately gets up. Rua lands a massive left hook, dropping him, and whales on the back on Chuck's head until Yamasaki stops it. Poor Chuck.
Mauricio Rua def. Chuck Liddell via TKO, 4:28 of round 1.
Rogan: "This may the last time we see Chuck Liddell in the Octagon."
Rua says he'll fight anybody; he's never picked opponents in his career, and he's not going to start now. Rogan goes to Chuck and tries to retire him in the cage, but Chuck is non-committal, and very sad-looking. Rogan, commenting on Liddell's exit: "The gladiators all fall on their shield if they stay in the battle long enough."

Sam Stout vs. Matt Wiman
Delayed from the undercard, and generously given a spot before the main event, thanks to the last couple fights going quickly. Wiman paces around the cage, stomping his feet.
Round 1: Both guys throwing hard, right off the bell, Wiman lands a nice 1-2 then scores a takedown. Stout tries to get up, but Wiman is a pitbull on top of him. Stout tries again, and gets to his feet.  Wiman with a leg kick, and Stout returns a punch. Nice right hook by Wiman, who's keeping a frantic pace. Wiman lands a right, then takes Stout down, but Stout transitions to the top. Wiman gets up and lands a body kick and superman punch. Wiman shoots, but Stout defends and throws a knee into his body. Uppercut Stout, then a body kick. Left hook Wiman. Wiman works for the takedown and gets it, but Stout winds up on top again. Wiman tries an armbar from the bottom and gets up. They trade punches at the bell. Very close first round, but it might go to Wiman for pushing the pace. Rogan shouts out the UG.

Round 2: Left hook and leg kick from Wiman. Stout returns the leg kick. Right straight and high kick from Wiman. Stout jacks him with the left while moving backwards, but Wiman jumps on his back, looking for the arm. Stout, yet again, reverses the position and gets on top, throwing punches. Stout gets up. Leg kick from Wiman. They trade punches. Body kick Stout. Stout lands a head kick. Stout hurts Wiman bad with a body punch/kick combo, and jumps on top, but Wiman tries an armbar and Stout gets up to avoid danger. Body kicks from Stout. Wiman watching the clock with a minute left. He's in bad shape. Wiman shoots, weakly, and gets stuffed and punches. Stout chops him with a leg kick. There's the horn. Very one-sided 10-9 for Stout.

Round 3: Wiman charges forward and eats knuckles. Wiman works hard to get the takedown, but Stout is defending well. Wiman finally gets it and takes Stout's back. He looks for the choke, with his legs locked in a body triangle around Stout.  But Stout rolls on top when Wiman starts throwing punches into Stout's face. Stout in Wiman's guard now, throwin' 'bows. He gets to his feet. Wiman catches a leg kick and takes Stout down. Now it's Wiman in Stout's guard. Wiman lands an elbow. Wiman sticking on Stout tightly, and slams Stout when he tries to escape. But Stout powers his way to his feet just before the last round ends.
Sam Stout def. Matt Wiman via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)

Cung Le shows up for an interview with Mike Goldberg. OMG, has he signed with the UFC? Nah, he's just pitching Fighting with Channing Tatum. Surprisingly, Goldberg actually mentions Cung's fight with Frank Shamrock. Well, you won this round, Coker...

Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites
Did you know that 27% of Leites's wins have come by arm-triangle? The UFC average is 4%! Incredibly important statistic!
Get your final predictions in now. As he was during the weigh-ins, Leites is looking a little shook.
Round 1: Anderson standing flat-footed at a distance, waiting. Leites doesn't want to be the one who goes first.  The crowd boos. Leites jumps forward with a knee. Silva brushes Leites back with a jab, then starts stalking forward. Silva whiffs a front kick. Leg kick Leites, then a high kick. Hard body punch from Silva. Leites definitely looks intimidated. Silva trips Leites down, but doesn't follow Leites to the mat. But then Silva takes Leites down when he gets up. Leites tries for the leg lock and Silva slugs him in the face. Leites gets up and they clinch. Silva violates Montreal's "no foot stomping" rule and is warned. The horn sounds. Silva takes it 10-9 for Octagon control and the takedown.

Round 2: Nice leg kick from Leites. Silva misses a head kick and Leites takes him down. Leites in half-guard, with Silva locking down his leg to prevent him from mounting. Silva transitions to full guard. Silva scores an elbow from the bottom. Leites lands a punch from above, and Silva returns with some elbows. Leites gets up momentarily then goes back in and almost gets caught in an armbar. Leites escapes, Silva gets to his feet and they're back standing. The crowd booing again. Silva dashes in with a jab, and Leites retreats. Leites with a body kick. High kick from Silva, and there's the horn. Not much to judge the round on, but you might give it to Leites for the takedown and time spent on top. Leites ties Patrick Cote's UFC record of surviving to the third with Anderson Silva.

Round 3: Silva catches a body kick, Leites spins out and tries to shoot, but Silva stuffs it. Leites lands a right. Leites gets poked in the eye and falls to the mat, but Lavigne doesn't see it and makes him stand up. Leites shoots and Silva stuffs. Leites falls to his back. Silva kicks his legs from above, and Lavigne orders him up. The crowd starts chanting "GSP!" for some reason. Goldie and Rogan are so bored they're talking about hockey. Leites flops to his back, trying to lure Silva in. This ain't going well. For anybody. Nice body kick from Silva. Silva rushes forward and Leites flops to his back again, and Silva is visibly pissed. Silva landing some front kicks and a jumping switch kick. Silva pushes Leites against the fence and lands some punches. This is what you get for upsetting the Spider. Leites hits the deck, and Silva strolls away. Leites is up, then down. Can they dock him a point for that? 10-9 Silva.

Round 4: Silva with chopping side-kicks to Leites's leg. Some dancing now, and a leg kick. Silva doing his Elvis thing. Gotta give the people their money's worth somehow. Right hand from Silva, then a high kick and a leg kick. Hard side-kick to Leites's leg. Leites shoots, Silva stuffs and crouches down in front of him. Silva with a soccer-like behind the leg kick that actually lands. My goodness. Serious style points. Leg kick Silva. Jab from Silva, then more achy-breaky dancing. Thales shoots and fails. Now Silva trying to punch Leites in the feet? Lavigne stands them up. That's the horn. 10-9 Silva.

Round 5: Silva comes out energetic, landing a leg kick. Leites charges forward with a knee. Leg kick Silva. Leites misses some punches. Leites shoots and is stuffed, shoots again and is stuffed again. Leites rolls to his back and Silva waits for him to get up. Silva with a side kick. Leites flops, Lavigne orders him up. This is our middleweight challenger? The crowd chants "Bullshit!" which is unfortunate. Leites is stuffed again. More "GSP" chants. Leg kick Silva. Buttflop Leites. Leites gets up and misses a superman punch. Silva catches Leites's kick and Leites falls. Silva offers him a hand. Leites throws a big overhand right and falls to the mat. He's ordered up and the last horn sounds. Damn.
The crowd is not happy. Silva doesn't seem all that happy either. Anderson Silva def. Thales Leites via unanimous decision (49-46, 48-47, 50-46).
Silva breaks the Gracie/Fitch consecutive wins record in his first five-round fight in the UFC. Silva drifts away when Ed Soares is translating his first post-fight interview question, throwing off Joe Rogan. Sometimes things don't work out the way the fans want, he says. Pretty much, bro.

Man. Terrible event. Please refer to my increasingly sense-making Silva/Eddie Murphy comparison in the last Ben vs. Ben column. Play us off, keyboard cat.