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Useless List: 33 Random Google Searches That Return CagePotato in the First Result [UPDATED]

(We couldn’t have landed #16 without you, MMc AA)

I’m going to be honest with you, here — it’s a slow news day. But instead of phoning in a post about the Comcast/FOX deal or Holly Holm’s Bellator debut, I’m going to try something much, much less interesting.

This morning, I discovered that a Google search for ‘new york mma regulation’ returns CagePotato articles in the first three spots, which is kind of exciting for us SEO-minded types. So I started wondering: What other general MMA-related search terms return CagePotato articles in the #1 spot? After about 15 minutes of idle searching, I was able to find dozens of them, and I decided to rank the top 33 below, based on total number of results that come back from that search. As it turns out, the list is a fairly complete overview of the coverage we’ve produced over the last five years — and a reminder of where our priorities tend to land.

The moral of the story? CagePotato might be marginalized as a jokey shitsite from time to time, but our impact on the Internet is kind of indisputable. So let’s give ourselves a self-high-five and proceed…

1. nba mma (#1 out of 114,000,000 results)
2. punch face
 (#1 out of 107,000,000)
3. bad ufc journalism (#1 out of 68,900,000; we also rank #1 for shitty ufc journalism — success!)
4. british ring girls (#1 out of 40,800,000)
5. mma funny (#1 and #2 out of 39,500,000)
6. brazilian ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 35,600,000)
7. worst fighters (#1 and #2 out of 29,600,000)
8. nude ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 21,000,000)
9. mma weight cuts (#1, #2, and #3 out of 16,200,000)
10. ugly mma t-shirts (#1 and #2 out of 13,900,000)
11. japanese freak show (#1 out of 9,160,000)
12. fist pose (#1 and #2 out of 7,240,000)

13. mma pua (#1 out of 5,650,000)
14. mma porn (#1 out of 3,620,000)
15. new york mma regulation (#1, #2, and #3 out of 2,790,000)
16. mma fleshlight (#1 out of 2,630,000)
17. mma steroids (#1 and #2 out of 1,920,000)
18. falling tree knockout (#1, #2, #3, and #4 out of 1,760,000)
19. ufc performance bonuses (#1 and #2 out of 1,560,000)
20. ufc 151 live blog (#1 out of 1,460,000)
21. mma cursed (#1 out of 1,040,000)
22. lawn chair knockout (#1 out of 1,040,000)

23. ufc firings
(#1, #2, and #3 out of 1,020,000; similar results return for “mma firings“)
24. mma excuses (#1 and #2 out of 931,000)
25. glorious sweater of absolute victory (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, and #6 out of 912,000)
26. jade bryce nude (#1 out of 687,000)
27. mma craigslist (#1 and #2 out of 677,000)
28. joe rogan cunty (#1 and #2 out of 465,000)
29. lionheart blevins interview (#1 out of 391,000)
30. war machine bologna sandwich (#1 and #2 out of 233,000)
31. cheick kongo cheater (#1 and #2 out of 210,000)
32. overeem horsemeat (#1 out of 125,000)
33. machida piss (#1 out of 108,000)

Honorable mentions: cpt. swingdick, #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 of 26 results. “chocolate al” also works (#1 and #2 out of 436,000), but you have to search for it in quotes.

Cagepotato Comments

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jacksonqw- February 16, 2013 at 12:45 pm
as Manuel answered I am surprised that you able to profit $7849 in one month on the computer. did you see this web page
plop- February 15, 2013 at 1:40 am
oh wow. now i have targeted ads for fleshlights on my work computer. great job!
dranokills- February 14, 2013 at 10:21 pm
Dana White says:
cagepotato is #1
Alan K- February 14, 2013 at 3:35 pm
Can I just start saying random things to try and get you guys some more top searches? MMA monkey knuckles. MMA tangled jockstrap. MMA Chael Sonnen pimple cream. Fun.
bgoldstein- February 14, 2013 at 2:08 pm
@SethF: Boom. Adding it now.
ericmunley- February 14, 2013 at 1:59 pm
Big ups for ranking #3 for "Razor Ramon"!
El Guapo- February 14, 2013 at 1:45 pm
Not that you need reminding but CP's also number one in any UFC JayT search. Ditto Chocolate Al.
bgoldstein- February 14, 2013 at 1:42 pm
@brownjord: Good point...if you see any that don't work for you, let me know and I'll double-check.

@El Guapo: "Dan Quinn Crazy" doesn't work for me, but if you put "spicy shit tacos" in quotes, we have the entire first *page* of Google : )
SethF- February 14, 2013 at 1:41 pm
I was happy to see the first result for "NBA MMA" was one of my earliest pieces for Cagepotato. SUCK IT, BLEACHER REPORT!
brownjord- February 14, 2013 at 1:38 pm
You realize your Google search results are influenced by your search history ... say if you happen to visit frequently, google ranks it higher in search results.

May want to try those searches again from a different computer ...
SethF- February 14, 2013 at 1:44 pm
Quiet, you.
El Guapo- February 14, 2013 at 1:33 pm
I wouldn't call you guys a shitsite. Not to your face, at least.
Aaaaaanyway, Google "Dan Quinn Crazy" and CP pops up numero uno once again. Google "Spicy shit tacos" and you're number two, which is fitting considering you'll need to drop a deuce after consuming one.
Rampages Conscience- February 14, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Wow. Machida Piss and War Machine Bologna Sandwich really got me. Great work guys. Keep up the quality.
bgoldstein- February 14, 2013 at 1:27 pm
@NomadRip: Yeah...damn urbandictionary. They screwed us out of "Stockton Heybuddy," too.
Fried Taco- February 14, 2013 at 1:22 pm
You don't show up anywhere for "fried taco nude" - better luck next time.
J.Jones- February 14, 2013 at 1:16 pm
Having the top result for anything Lionheart Blevins-related is a pretty life-affirming piece of information IMO.
NomadRip- February 14, 2013 at 1:08 pm
Damn, you're only 5th for dicknailed.
bgoldstein- February 14, 2013 at 12:55 pm
@Pen Fifteen: I know. And "Bang the Champ" is nowhere to be found.
El Famous Burrito- February 14, 2013 at 12:38 pm
Um, good job?
bgoldstein- February 14, 2013 at 12:30 pm
@teep: We came heart-breakingly close with "Arianny Celeste naked pics." Dammit.
Pen Fifteen- February 14, 2013 at 12:29 pm
How you guys beat out Battle Bang for #1 search in "mma porn" is beyond me.
bgoldstein- February 14, 2013 at 12:29 pm
@intercept. Holy crap, we actually rank #1 for "shitty UFC journalism" *and* "bad ufc journalism"...UPDATING THE LIST NOW.
noizy- February 14, 2013 at 4:52 pm
Hmmmmm, don't tell Ariel he's #2 on that query.
teep- February 14, 2013 at 12:27 pm
You also left out haters of DW and Ariany naked pics! But in the spirit of this stupid "love" day, your readers literally have nothing else better to do!
SethF- February 14, 2013 at 12:26 pm
Let's be honest, Captain Dickswing was robbed.
intercept440- February 14, 2013 at 12:23 pm
That's funny left out shitty sports journalism